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[MBTI General] Dating your own type.

Evo

Unapologetic being
Joined
Jul 1, 2011
Messages
3,160
MBTI Type
XNTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
No I talk to much, I would not want to listen to me. I mostly like NF's cause they can bring out emotional wonderfulness. A lot of NT's I know avoid emotion all together, and I'm more emotional than them. Also I'm extremely greedy about my time. I would not want an ENTJ, cause they would prolly spend too much time at work. I do that, but I don't like it when my partner does. So pretty much I need someone not like me cause I'm a hypocrite, and can't provide what I need lol
 

LittleV

Just a note...
Joined
May 5, 2013
Messages
271
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
I’d love to find a developed, self-confident male INFJ.
 

hazelsees

Member
Joined
Feb 1, 2013
Messages
124
MBTI Type
INFJ
I've only been with "T's except for one person who was too bizarre to type.It depends on the person. I like people to be reasonable and that can occur with the objectivity of Thinking and with the empathy of Feeling. To resolve intensely personal conflicts you need some access to both.

Oooo...I'd love to hear more about the "bizarre to type" person. Those are so fun.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
No thank you on this one for me. I've tried dipping my toes in the ENFP pool... terrible results. I mean, it's fun, but god, I can't imagine having a sustained, viable relationship like that. I like for my partner to compliment me and balance me out, especially since I'm so fail at practical things in general. It's just like, super good times until you hit a rough place, and then you realize that two of you have double your strengths and double your weaknesses.

I thought it may have had to do some with the enneatype of the ENFP - I'm a 6w7 and was close with a 7w6 - but then I have a friend who is an ENFP 9w1, and I can see the same issues occurring even with her being a completely different enneatype. ENFPs are just sort of skittish, and I can't deal with two of that.

I do love me some ENFP friends though :heart:

Urarienev said:
So pretty much I need someone not like me cause I'm a hypocrite, and can't provide what I need lol

On the bright side, I think this is true for all of us! It's just a matter of matching inadequacies and intolerances...

I'll consider it for science :coffee:

:laugh: That reminds me of my favorite FML...

Today, I was setting up my laptop’s fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML
 
S

Society

Guest
A lot of NT's I know avoid emotion all together

this doesn't really seem to hold true for 'more mature' (older or forced by life to get old faster) NTs.

i usually don't like the subjectivity of the maturity rating system (since most people place it as a hierarchy in relations to their own particular concepts of what makes themselves more mature), but in this instance i mean that generally the more you live the more emotional rollercoasters and processes life throws at you, the less well you can do without acknowledging and engaging your emotional functions, so NTs have an increasing probability of becoming more emotional the more they live.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Oooo...I'd love to hear more about the "bizarre to type" person. Those are so fun.
He seemed to have at least three personalities. One that was somewhat reasonable, one that was sad, persecuted, and extremely mean, and the other that felt like a free-spirited kid. I never knew who was going to show up next.
 

Typh0n

clever fool
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
3,497
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I dated an NF girl once(we went out just once). She was cool, but I think neither of us took enough physical initiative(lack of S).
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I dated an ENFP for 8 months. Our sense of humour and jest was unrivalled. Together, we felt like the funniest people in the universe. Our Ne union took us to imaginary heights and adventures. We were dry, witty and sweet all at once. I worried going into the relationship the possibility of clashing egos, but it never happened.

Where we went wrong was unfortunately how much he required validation when he was hurt. Perhaps it stands true that for Feelers, it's never truly water under the bridge. Much further than that, he was entirely too conscious of how much emotional influence I had on him. Mentally and financially unstable; he lacked the commitment to anything long term, having failed himself multiple times before. In the end, he broke up with me because he thought it was the right thing to do.

On one hand, I believe we were really soulmates. It's been said that soulmates are not the people that you end up with. Your soulmate makes you face yourself and makes you walk in the right direction. He reminds me my own lack of self discipline and living with fleeting interests. Together we would be glorified failures, but apart we are independent leaders.

:cry:
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
maybe....unless he is an entp :/
 

Evo

Unapologetic being
Joined
Jul 1, 2011
Messages
3,160
MBTI Type
XNTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
this doesn't really seem to hold true for 'more mature' (older or forced by life to get old faster) NTs.

i usually don't like the subjectivity of the maturity rating system (since most people place it as a hierarchy in relations to their own particular concepts of what makes themselves more mature), but in this instance i mean that generally the more you live the more emotional rollercoasters and processes life throws at you, the less well you can do without acknowledging and engaging your emotional functions, so NTs have an increasing probability of becoming more emotional the more they live.

agreed I don't actually know very many "mature" NT's irl. So what I was saying was soley based on that. I do know older NT's like 50's that still are not in touch with their emotions(they're guys though, don't know if that matters). I'm also attracted to the male sex...so any of the males I know in general are less in touch with their emotions because of societal and paternal pressures. which is annoying cause a lot guys I know are NT's lol
 

Evo

Unapologetic being
Joined
Jul 1, 2011
Messages
3,160
MBTI Type
XNTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
No thank you on this one for me. I've tried dipping my toes in the ENFP pool... terrible results. I mean, it's fun, but god, I can't imagine having a sustained, viable relationship like that. I like for my partner to compliment me and balance me out, especially since I'm so fail at practical things in general. It's just like, super good times until you hit a rough place, and then you realize that two of you have double your strengths and double your weaknesses.

I thought it may have had to do some with the enneatype of the ENFP - I'm a 6w7 and was close with a 7w6 - but then I have a friend who is an ENFP 9w1, and I can see the same issues occurring even with her being a completely different enneatype. ENFPs are just sort of skittish, and I can't deal with two of that.

I do love me some ENFP friends though :heart:



On the bright side, I think this is true for all of us! It's just a matter of matching inadequacies and intolerances...



:laugh: That reminds me of my favorite FML...

That's an awesome quote

I have a question. Can u explain what u mean by skittish? Does this ENFP's get uncomfortable with commitment or something? cause I read that somewhere b4
 
G

garbage

Guest
I'm doing this

We're similar enough that we're on the same life trajectory, different enough to learn from one another. We believe in the same fundamental, 'axiomatic' things, but the details differ.

Those I've dated before just plain bewildered me, either during or after (in retrospect) our relationship. I could understand how they thought, but often not why.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
That's an awesome quote

I have a question. Can u explain what u mean by skittish? Does this ENFP's get uncomfortable with commitment or something? cause I read that somewhere b4

Haha thanks :D

IRT skittish... I think it's true that a fair amount of ExFPs struggle with commitment, both in relationships and in general. There's this tendency with ENFPs, it seems to me, and probably ESFPs too, to really like "dipping their toes in" or "stirring the waters" a bit, like enjoying stirring up a bit of excitement and new possibilities and potentials - and then not really being into it anymore as soon as it begins to move into solidification. I do think ENFPs with certain enneatypes - 2, 3, 8 - would struggle with it less - whereas self-doubt types - 4, 6, 9 - and very novelty-oriented 7 - would probably struggle with it more. And probably instinct will affect it... I'd think sp ENFPs will probably be more slow to commit; so ENFPs will probably be more likely to dance around commitment; sx ENFPs will probably commit quickly and question that commitment quickly after.

I don't like relationship type prescriptions, but in terms of balance, I think if one partner is very "skittish" in this way, they're going to need for the other partner to be more willing to encourage and move forward steadily into commitment. I'm not saying two ENFPs couldn't work out, but I think that they'd have to be significantly different enough in certain areas that their combined weaknesses don't become enough to undermine the relationship.
 

Zarathustra

Let Go Of Your Team
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
8,110
IRT skittish... I think it's true that a fair amount of ExFPs struggle with commitment, both in relationships and in general. There's this tendency with ENFPs, it seems to me, and probably ESFPs too, to really like "dipping their toes in" or "stirring the waters" a bit, like enjoying stirring up a bit of excitement and new possibilities and potentials - and then not really being into it anymore as soon as it begins to move into solidification.

Yet every time this point has ever been raised, the ENFPs cause a shitstorm denying that it's true.

skylights said:
I do think ENFPs with certain enneatypes - 2, 3, 8 - would struggle with it less - whereas self-doubt types - 4, 6, 9 - and very novelty-oriented 7 - would probably struggle with it more.

Is this "self-doubt types" concept your own, or did you read it somewhere?

skylights said:
And probably instinct will affect it... I'd think sp ENFPs will probably be more slow to commit; so ENFPs will probably be more likely to dance around commitment; sx ENFPs will probably commit quickly and question that commitment quickly after.

This sounds about right.

Tangent: I wonder if EFPs have higher rates of being Sx doms...

skylights said:
I don't like relationship type prescriptions, but in terms of balance, I think if one partner is very "skittish" in this way, they're going to need for the other partner to be more willing to encourage and move forward steadily into commitment. I'm not saying two ENFPs couldn't work out, but I think that they'd have to be significantly different enough in certain areas that their combined weaknesses don't become enough to undermine the relationship.

I see you're starting to experience the full circle we're about to go thru...
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Yet every time this point has ever been raised, the ENFPs cause a shitstorm denying that it's true.

Lol, probably.

But I do think there's a sort of unfair/inaccurate connotation that goes along with it, as if the ENFP shouldn't be doing it... I do of course understand the concept of leading on and how it can hurt others, but it also carries some inherent assumption that commitment is the desired outcome, and you're not playing the social game "right" if that's not what you're aiming for. For the most part I think ExFPs just enjoy the "stirring", regardless of its implications for commitment, and that's essentially that, so it feels inauthentic to our experience to link it directly to commitment. I think other people tend to see us playing and assume that we operate similar to them, so if we're displaying high-octane interest then we're permanently interested, but of course with ExFPs it's about getting caught up in the stimuli of the moment, and it very well may not last once the stimulation has subsided. Moving to commitment severely limits the possibility pool, and thereby the stimulation sources, so it's not typically a winning scenario for the ENFP to make that shift unless they are very invested. I don't think it's really "commitment phobia" as much as it is commitment seals off a huge host of options and that's generally quite displeasing to an extraverted perceiver.

Is this "self-doubt types" concept your own, or did you read it somewhere?

Not mine - someone's notes from Katherine Fauvre's talk on tritypes. I read it on the enneagraminstitute.com forum.

Kitz said:
Katherine's comments in red, some are close but not exact because my notes were sketchy. I hope she doesn't mind

The 27 Tritypes from Wiki
Tritype Archetype
125, 251, 512 The Mentor Triple details (2 is people details)
126, 261, 612 The Supporter Triple duty, compliant helper
127, 271, 712 The Teacher Triple people focused, correcting or enjoying
135, 351, 513 The Technical Expert Triple precise or exacting
136, 361, 613 The Taskmaster Triple doing, responsible, Industrious
137, 371, 713 The Systems Builder Triple perfectionistic, developing.
145, 451, 514 The Researcher Triple analytical
146, 416, 614 The Philosopher Triple critical of self and others.
147, 417, 714 The Visionary Triple vision, ideas
258, 582, 825 The Strategist Triple rejection oriented
259, 592, 925 The Problem Solver Triple conflict avoiding
268, 682, 826 The Rescuer Triple protector, people focus active, hero
269, 692, 926 The Good Samaritan Triple people focus passive, helpers also
278, 782, 827 The Free Spirit ,Triple manipulating, Libertine
279, 792, 927 The Peacemaker Triple Upbeat ok-ness
358, 583, 835 The Solution Master triple strategic
359, 593, 935 The Thinker Triple hiders of true self, Camouflagers
368, 683, 836 The Justice Fighter Triple Confronters, Challenger
369, 639, 936 The Mediator Adapters, triple shape changes to get along
378, 738, 837 The Mover and Shaker Triple assertive
379, 739, 937 The Ambassador Triple positive, happy, Goodwill
458, 548, 845 The Scholar Triple independent thinkers
459, 549, 945 The Contemplative Triple withdrawn
468, 648, 846 The Truth Teller Triple reactive, emotional
469, 649, 946 The Seeker Triple doubting
478, 748, 847 The Messenger Triple creative and original
479, 749, 947 The Gentle Spirit Triple imaginative and magical

Tangent: I wonder if EFPs have higher rates of being Sx doms...

I figure at the very least sx-last ExFPs are pretty rare.

I see you're starting to experience the full circle we're about to go thru...

I feel like coming full circle is probably the high point of conversation for Ns. It feels like scoring.*

 
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