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  1. #11
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desperado44 View Post
    I'm not sure I'm 'asking' that correctly.

    However, I notice that I seem to do much better as a person when I have someone to 'care' for....or look after. It keeps me inspired and rising above the fray.

    I'm not sure if its an ugly form of co-dependency or what.
    ENFJs can look falsely co-dependent at times. I wouldn't let that bother you.


    I also notice when I don't receive it in return...it starts to wear on me....I've always been the 'leader' in everything I do socially, as well as professionally....the 'go to guy'....

    ...but to be frank, its worn me out. I feel ...well.....used.
    One way streets are the pits. I frequently feel like I'm overextending myself, and have had to learn how to ramp that back.



    Quote Originally Posted by Desperado44 View Post
    I mean more like someone to care for.....to love.

    Does that make sense?

    It seems like ENFJ's .....or maybe its just me......tend to 'rise to the occasion' when they care for someone.
    Very true. I can spend hours and hours alone and not be unhappy about it, but I do find I'm really actuated when I love somebody. It seems to engage all the better parts of myself and prompts me past sadness or anger or anything that may have been menacing me as an Fe primary.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  2. #12
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    I take care of my son, my patients, my friends, my animals--lots of beings and feel like I have a very meaningful life with these responsibilities. BUT, if someone starts to want too much of me, then I'll pull the plug for fear of suffocating from their needs. Right now I can't decide if I really want a relationship because my ex needed so much and then blamed me when I didn't give 150%. Thought this was an interesting description of NFs on David Markley

    "And yet such emotional sensitivity (some would say hypersensitivity) can take its toll, and Idealists have been known to become upset when these affective ties begin to bind, as they do when the amount of emotional input from their mates becomes a psychological overload. NFs report that at times, they find their emotional circuits so overloaded with their own concerns that they cannot deal positively with the emotional experiences of others who are especially close to them, particularly when those experiences are negative or unhappy.

    In addition, emotional dependence in a mate can really bother an Idealist, even though their own sensitivity sometimes encourages dependency. If their mates begin to seem weak and clinging-to appear to need more and more attention, more and more expressions of the NFs unusual appreciation, more and more signals of deep affection (for example, if two NFs were in the same relationship - both seeking deep affection) Idealists can become resentful of pressures to deliver what they had seemed to promise to their mates; the ideal love, complete understanding, and total acceptance. At this point NFs can turn irritable, insisting unexpectedly that their mates stop hanging on their approval and learn to stand on their own two feet. This shift in attitude is usually abrupt and the loved ones who heretofore believed that they were very special in the eyes of the Idealist now find themselves apparantly rejected. The Idealist does not mean to be unkind; he or she is simply disconnecting from a relationship which can no longer be handled. Of all the temperaments, this scenario is least likely to happen with an NT mate as they are usually more independent and appear to have an atypical aloofness regarding receiving appreciation from their mates, it isn't as important to them as it is other types."

  3. #13
    Senior Member IEE623's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by grendiecat View Post
    I take care of my son, my patients, my friends, my animals--lots of beings and feel like I have a very meaningful life with these responsibilities. BUT, if someone starts to want too much of me, then I'll pull the plug for fear of suffocating from their needs. Right now I can't decide if I really want a relationship because my ex needed so much and then blamed me when I didn't give 150%. Thought this was an interesting description of NFs on David Markley

    "And yet such emotional sensitivity (some would say hypersensitivity) can take its toll, and Idealists have been known to become upset when these affective ties begin to bind, as they do when the amount of emotional input from their mates becomes a psychological overload. NFs report that at times, they find their emotional circuits so overloaded with their own concerns that they cannot deal positively with the emotional experiences of others who are especially close to them, particularly when those experiences are negative or unhappy.

    In addition, emotional dependence in a mate can really bother an Idealist, even though their own sensitivity sometimes encourages dependency. If their mates begin to seem weak and clinging-to appear to need more and more attention, more and more expressions of the NFs unusual appreciation, more and more signals of deep affection (for example, if two NFs were in the same relationship - both seeking deep affection) Idealists can become resentful of pressures to deliver what they had seemed to promise to their mates; the ideal love, complete understanding, and total acceptance. At this point NFs can turn irritable, insisting unexpectedly that their mates stop hanging on their approval and learn to stand on their own two feet. This shift in attitude is usually abrupt and the loved ones who heretofore believed that they were very special in the eyes of the Idealist now find themselves apparantly rejected. The Idealist does not mean to be unkind; he or she is simply disconnecting from a relationship which can no longer be handled. Of all the temperaments, this scenario is least likely to happen with an NT mate as they are usually more independent and appear to have an atypical aloofness regarding receiving appreciation from their mates, it isn't as important to them as it is other types."
    I think that description would describe most perfectly ENFJ among other Idealists. Using Fe, ENFJ are excelled (more than ENFP) at making others feel unique, feel special in the eyes of the ENFJ (even if that's not the case)
    "Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters"

  4. #14
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    I think everyone needs mutual sharing, uplifting, and inspiration.

    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

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