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Thread: Needs

  1. #1
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
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    Default Needs

    I'm just curious.

    What is more important to you...

    Your needs or the needs of those who are important to you?
    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
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  2. #2
    heart on fire
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    I gave my answer in the Fe Fi thread. Under certain circumstances I would sacrifice my own needs for those of a loved one, but more often would try to work out a compromise with those who are on equal footing with me. Life is often not 100 percent cut and dried.

    If someone were dependent on me, it goes without saying their needs come first, unless it were a need that I had to maintain to go on for their sake. It gets complicated.


    I am curious as to what your take is on this question. Do you always put other's needs above your own? Or when it is an equal, are you more apt to try and work out a compromise?

  3. #3
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    It depends on how important the needs are to my emotional/mental balance.

    If the needs are an integral part of that balance, then my needs are more important. If I am unbalanced, then I will be ill-equipped to keep up my part of a relationship, because I won't have the strength and the resources.

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    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    I often forget about my needs and focus more on those that are important to me. A few years ago i would have said that my needs were more important, but its different when you are responsible for someone else.
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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by scantilyclad View Post
    I often forget about my needs and focus more on those that are important to me. A few years ago i would have said that my needs were more important, but its different when you are responsible for someone else.
    That's going to be true with a baby for sure.

  6. #6
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    the needs of many outweigh the needs of one

    I believe that
    as long as no bull-session is involved
    if that happens
    i'm a selfish arrogant snobbish person

    LOL
    I N V I C T U S

  7. #7
    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    That's going to be true with a baby for sure.
    yes definitely, you have no other choice really! I am also not near as selfish as i used to be in general, i grew up a bit and realized that the world didn't revolve around me. I'm much more interested in making other people happy now, especially the people who put up with me being selfish for so long.
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    Senior Member helen's Avatar
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    Warning: confused ramblings ahead. :-) (I mean my remarks, not the quoted stuff!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    It depends on how important the needs are to my emotional/mental balance.

    If the needs are an integral part of that balance, then my needs are more important. If I am unbalanced, then I will be ill-equipped to keep up my part of a relationship, because I won't have the strength and the resources.
    This describes me pretty well right now. During times of emotional growth, sometimes it seems that I have to make my needs more important, else I will become fragmented and have nothing to give.

    It doesn't actually feel like I'm being selfish, but perhaps I am because during these times I become my highest priority. I dunno. Paul Tillich discusses in one or other of his books the difference between being what is commonly characterized as "self centered" and "having a centered self" which he recommends. I hope that when I do place highest importance on my own needs, it's more of the latter than the former, but I'd guess it's generally mixed.

    I also suppose that if you place your needs first sometimes so that you can be healthier for the good of another person (or people), that might actually be putting their needs first, indirectly.

    On second thoughts, I'm not entirely sure I understand the question. Surely there is some give and take in all relationships, and you have to evaluate whose needs are the most pressing in any given situation?

    I am also not near as selfish as i used to be in general, i grew up a bit and realized that the world didn't revolve around me. I'm much more interested in making other people happy now, especially the people who put up with me being selfish for so long.
    I believe I'm beginning this process (growing up and realizing that the world does not revolve around me), and I hope the results for me are as you describe. I want to be a more giving, selfless person.

  9. #9
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    I'm just curious.

    What is more important to you...

    Your needs or the needs of those who are important to you?
    I don't think it's one or the other for me.

    It is a combination. Others' needs are important, but at the same time, my needs are on equal footing as theirs. Years ago I was not aware as much about my own needs, or didn't pay attention to them, so I always deferred to the other persons' needs over mine, and did my utmost to make them happy. However, over time I have realized that I don't think that is terribly healthy for my own sense of self and growth, so I take what I consider a more balanced approach now, and I do pay attention to what I need as well.

    Typically I don't encounter THAT much friction in my day to day life between others, and I might often still pay more attention to others' needs in situations where my needs aren't being completely overrun. But in cases where it's really out of balance, these days I'd work to find a compromise or assert my own needs more, and bring into the open for discussion. I guess I'm not as hesitant anymore to state my needs and when a line might have been crossed, but I always talk about it in a respectful way, and don't attack/accuse the other person in the process. But again, I don't think it's that often that I have such a strong need that this scenario even comes up.

    In the end, I know I'm good for no one when I'm stressed out, or am overextending myself, so yeah, if I need to take time out to get back to my baseline again, I'll speak those needs and have my alone time, or whatever it is I need, in order to get back to being able to interact with others in a positive way.
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  10. #10
    Senior Member aeon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    What is more important to you...Your needs or the needs of those who are important to you?
    Neither. I prefer mutual choices that best allow for everyone's needs to be met, which is to say, a compromise where no one "gives in."


    cheers,
    Ian

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