[ENFP] ENFPs, why won't you let me into your pants?

[Lady_X]

Funny, I can't get enfp's away from me fast enough. Probably because I ignore them. Since they're so dead set on being the center of attention, they do everything in their power to change that. They all seem to have the same exact pickup lines.

Me: Fuck you
ENFP: Please do!

I'm callin bs here.

 

[The Great One]

I'm callin bs here.

I agree. That doesn't sound like an ENFP to me either.

 

[Starry]

[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION]

It is a great avatar isn't it?

Haha Great One. For what it is I think you made a good choice. I like how her body is maybe a bit more realistic (?) with regards to proportion (?). But yah...you're crazy man if you think you can pair that avatar...with that Elfboy quote... and not have hundreds of ENFP females falling all over you. It is a potent and irresistible combination

 

[Hate]

I keep misreading this thread title as, “ENFPs, why aren’t you wearing any pants?”

Which makes me wonder, ENFPs, have you ever left the house and forgot to put on pants? Because I can honestly see this happening.
[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION], be honest.

 

[Starry]

[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION], be honest.

haha. There was one time I left the house in only a slip, yes. But I belong to the ‘fire hazard’ sub-type of ENFP. So, while I can generally complete the entire dressing process from start-to-finish all by myself!…it’s the longer duration of cooking times that pose the greatest threat to the neighborhood. Putting something into a 400 degree oven immediately notifies my brain…‘There’s nothing else that needs to be done here.’ And I feel *so proud* when I think of how I recently broke my all time record for ‘number of days’ I have left a pot of meatballs simmering before I rediscovered it!

Typhus is never going to come back.

 

[Poindexter Arachnid]

Addressing OP: Be careful what you wish for. Ti and Fi don't mix, bro.

My Ti says you can do better.
ENFPs ain't all they're cracked up to be, anyway.

 

[Amargith]

I keep misreading this thread title as, “ENFPs, why aren’t you wearing any pants?”

Which makes me wonder, ENFPs, have you ever left the house and forgot to put on pants? Because I can honestly see this happening.

[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION], be honest.

Close...but no, thank god. I tend to feel something is really off when I try to walk out of the front door without feeling cloth moving against my legs.

Though if you want to get literal, I never wear pants, in or outdoors.

And yes.. I fear we've been too hard on the OP for him to come back.

 

[The Great One]

Haha Great One. For what it is I think you made a good choice. I like how her body is maybe a bit more realistic (?) with regards to proportion (?). But yah...you're crazy man if you think you can pair that avatar...with that Elfboy quote... and not have hundreds of ENFP females falling all over you. It is a potent and irresistible combination

Yeah I know.

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

I'm jumping in at a random time and haven't really read over anyone's comments, nor am I following the current coversation
But here is my take,
It depends on the ENFP. An ENFP friend of mine will willingly sleep with almost any guy she finds attractive.
I don't have a hard time "hooking up" either.
Though I'm sure there are some soft ENFPs that are conservative when it comes to sex. When I was younger, I'd ONLY sleep with someone I was dating. But after many difficult/painful/frustrating relationships, I gave up on meaningful sex. For now, casual hook-ups is where its at.
Answer: Find an ENFP that has had her/his heart ripped out of their chest and shoved through a meat grinder.

 

[Typhus]

Close...but no, thank god. I tend to feel something is really off when I try to walk out of the front door without feeling cloth moving against my legs.

Though if you want to get literal, I never wear pants, in or outdoors.

And yes.. I fear we've been too hard on the OP for him to come back.

No, I'm not scared away that easily, I'm just busy. I'm serious about learning more about ENFPs. I didn't choose to like that type. I say like ENFPs because most of the women I've been attracted to have been of that type.

I do think that there has been an overreaction to some off the cuff comments I made, but I admit that part of that is my fault because I opened up with an insensitive approach. I should've said this before, but I'm one of those INTPs that's sarcastic and clownish. I like to wind people up, but I wasn't trying to do that here. But echoes of my personality come through and you thought I was trolling.

INTPs are weird and misunderstood and and atypical INTPs have it harder. I'm trying to stop coming off as a douche to ENFPs and everyone else. That's why I'm back. I'm serious in my goal.

Addressing OP: Be careful what you wish for. Ti and Fi don't mix, bro.

My Ti says you can do better.
ENFPs ain't all they're cracked up to be, anyway.

A while ago I read a beautiful "motivational poster" about mbti types in love, and the INTP one was "loving you is easy", which I think applies here. From my subjective perspective, ENFJs seem overall much easier to deal with, probably because their feelings make more immediate sense to me and also because their emotions are overall more controlled and smooth.

Something to think about.

ENFJs are fine, but something deep in me is turned of by Js.

With him Im joking because I know Freeeekyyy, I have more of a background of information on him and I know what he meant when he said what he said. With you, unfortunately, all I have to go on atm is this thread. On top of that, you were displaying signs of a typical problem that ENFPs tend to have with IxTxs, and you asked what Fi was about, so I decided to give you the insider perspective. In my later posts, I did acknowledge that from your reactions, I could tell you don't mean to look down on us, and that I do appreciate.

That said - your Ti is still fighting with our Fi.

Your problem lies in the bolded. Unlike you, we do not approach things with natural scepticism. We do not ask critical questions first, nor do we take things apart. We see the options, the marvellous options if Astrology happens to be true (lets stick with that option). Does that mean we believe in it? Hell no, but we sure as hell are going to get excited in tinkering with it, learning all the ins and outs, what it means and gaining an oversight of what we can do with it and how it supposedly works. We *NEED* to be free to do that. It is how we investigate the world and how our creativity works. And creativity gets strangled when it gets judged, needs to be validated, gets critiqued in its early stages.

Then there is the second problem. You demanding and expecting shit hits our Fi.
Fi tends to believe in 'as long as I dont harm anyone, I can do what I want.' It also tends to value freedom of opinion and letting people be who *they* are, and not demanding them to be who you expect them to be.

... your Ti judges, critiques, expects and demands in a way that we a) cannot deliver b) arent suited to live up to and c) frankly...wouldnt even deliver on if we could, just to spite you for violating the things that make us who we are and what we treasure while telling us you supposedly like and respect who we are. => this is illogical and inconsistent, thus suspicious in Fi-logic. These factors do not add up. These are emotional gaps and inconsistencies that show up in a liar or someone who isn't aware that their pov isn't the pov of others in the world.

Now I'm gambling on the fact that you are in fact becoming aware that people look differently at the world, and that you are trying to learn *how* that works, hence I tried to explain to you again where we differ from you.

And now, Im waiting to see if you will actually *DO* something with that information.

While I can appreciate your Ti preference of needing logical proof and I understand that that is how you see the world (which is similar to how I was joking with Freeeekyyy, coz Ive already done my research on how he works and the fact that he means well), in a hypothetical world where I'm the ENFP you want to get with, you need to do the same for me to consider you as a partner. As a friend, I can probably flex and understand you re stil learning this.

Concretely, this means that if I were to actually date you and our lives would collide, you would get to demand me backing up shit logically (and Id hope youd give me the benefit of the doubt and help me with this as I suck at it) that affects *us* as a couple and our lives together.

HOWEVER. Stuff like astrology is none of your business, unless I want you to take part in it. Homeopathy and me taking it is NONE of your business, unless Im feeding it to you. If I want to believe they work, then it would be in your best interest for your sex life to stfu. At the very least. At best, Id enjoy you actually showing some respect for how I work and perhaps giving me the benefit of the doubt in trusting that maybe, I see something you don't in the things you have trouble not being critical of. Similarly, I'd understand that you don't live up to my Fi standards, that you live by different rules.

This is us as a couple.

As a friend, i'll expect nothing from you. I don't do expectations and I try to accept people for who they are, and I'll flex if necessary. I don't have an actual beef with you in general. In fact, I think you're rather interesting. And I could see myself befriending you. That said...

You're not dating/bed material though. Not at this point.

Im going to say this again - you might want to check out NFJs.

It seems that I'm coming off to you just as a stereotypically judgemental ESTJ would dress down an INTP for failing to be an SJ. I had no idea that this was how Ti would conflict with Fi. Is that why ENFP-INTP relationships are discouraged?

I didn't mean to suppress a vital part of a person or force them to think as I do. As an INTP, I know all about the weight of social expectations that I have no interest in meeting. Now that I know this, what things can I do so that I don't tread on Fi and produce this reaction? Give ENFPs space to engage their Ne (?) and explore the world and understand systems without demanding they follow my standards of logic and thought. But what else?

Why are ENFJs theoretically ideal for INTPs? Js tend to be controlling and that pisses me off. (Ironic isn't it?)

 

[Amargith]

No, I'm not scared away that easily, I'm just busy. I'm serious about learning more about ENFPs. I didn't choose to like that type. I say like ENFPs because most of the women I've been attracted to have been of that type.

I do think that there has been an overreaction to some off the cuff comments I made, but I admit that part of that is my fault because I opened up with an insensitive approach. I should've said this before, but I'm one of those INTPs that's sarcastic and clownish. I like to wind people up, but I wasn't trying to do that here. But echoes of my personality come through and you thought I was trolling.

INTPs are weird and misunderstood and and atypical INTPs have it harder. I'm trying to stop coming off as a douche to ENFPs and everyone else. That's why I'm back. I'm serious in my goal.

It seems that I'm coming off to you just as a stereotypically judgemental ESTJ would dress down an INTP for failing to be an SJ. I had no idea that this was how Ti would conflict with Fi. Is that why ENFP-INTP relationships are discouraged?

I didn't mean to suppress a vital part of a person or force them to think as I do. As an INTP, I know all about the weight of social expectations that I have no interest in meeting. Now that I know this, what things can I do so that I don't tread on Fi and produce this reaction? Give ENFPs space to engage their Ne (?) and explore the world and understand systems without demanding they follow my standards of logic and thought. But what else?

Why are ENFJs theoretically ideal for INTPs? Js tend to be controlling and that pisses me off. (Ironic isn't it?)

Im glad to see you came back
And Im glad to see you want to see this through, it shows a lot of goodwill on your side - something ENFPs tend to appreciate tremendously

I guess you could say that it is the way SJs piss you off. Really though, all types are capable of this and start out in life this way, I'd wager. What I mean by that is - when you develop as a person, you value your own perspective on the world. In fact, often we aren't aware that others view the world differently. Perhaps we say we do, but we don't *actually* understand how someone could possibly see the world in a different way than we do. You view the world through Ti. You don't know any better, it is so second nature to you that you don't even notice it being there. Like glasses you never take off. And because you re unaware of those glasses, you expect others to see the same thing. SJs in their own right see the world through Si (and because there are a lot of them, they are more validated in having 'the right perspective' perhaps). So your perspective ticks them off and makes you look either stupid, inept or deliberately obstinate.

Similarly, dominant Ne probably looks flaky and airheaded to you, despite the fact that you use it yourself. Fi, the auxiliary, does not make sense to you, so it just looks like random ridiculousness to you.

Now, as understanding as our breed can be, it isn't exactly fun to have someone look down on you for how you work. You are btw experiencing to a certain degree the same thing from our side. I have trouble understanding how someone could *not* see all the angles on something, how they could not see that each person has their own merits in their own differently unique way (I normally try to curb that a little, but didnt in this case for effect...in that unfortunately my Ne did the same as yours and went off the cuff)

I find that the way to get along with INTPs is often by building a bridge through that Ne. You do have some, and it is fun to banter, toy and tinker with
Also, it helps to realize that the other person has different insights which can be intriguing. Granted, you'll have to trust their insights, especially as Fi is probably about the most obscure function to you (as Ti is to us btw, so it demands trust from our side as well!), so vet the results first that they achieve to see if their 'airheaded' ways actually pay off to see if there is something there

Similarly, you'll want a girl to be open to your way of logically constructing and your ...to us odd and incomplete way... of valuing people. ENFPs normally want to know how a person ticks and why they would do something so if you find one willing to put aside her own preferences to take a look at yours, you're good. Meanwhile use your logical deductive skills to see what her way of working objectively yields and contributes to the world - how it is different from your way of being, then appreciate the hell out of it - even if it does NOT make sense to you. Give credit where credit is due - we'll return the favour, I promise (and if we don't, realize it is within your rights to point that out!)


Here is a small test

Lastly, ENFJs speak the same language you do (TiFe), hence the recommendation. They will still give you that fluffy, warm thing you want from us, but they will understand why you value people the way you do (and even help you with it, as it is their strength) and look up to your mad logical skill as something to aspire to (Ti) as that is their inferior function and weakness.

Aka..no messy Ti/Fi turf battles

 

[Elfboy]

Metaphorically speaking.
I'm INTP and I've felt the magnetic pull that only ENFPs seem to have over me. But I scare away most of them. I'm not mean or creepy so why do you run away? I'm just weird. Am I giving off some creepy vibes? I checked the mirror and I don't have an evil pulsating green boil that on my forehead.

- are you attractive? do you care of yourself?
- are you comfortable discussing feelings and passions?
- are you comfortable with intense intimacy?
- can you hold a decent conversation? (you don't have to be a conversational expert, just enough for it to feel nature)
- do you readily show affection to close intimates?

if you answered no to any of these, there's a place to start. good luck mate!

ENFPs, how do your perceive INTPs? I'm outgoing and clownish for an INTP.

generally I see them as
- nihilistic
- overanalyzing/overly technical
- seemingly lacking genitalia

but more self aware INTPs are cool. they're intelligent, make good conversation and know how to put a cap on their overanalyzing tendencies

 

[Betty Blue]

Fixed for convenience.

I'm glad you settled on INFJ.

 

[mmhmm]

skimmed.

for my intp and i:

love the partnership we have.
and how he knows exactly what
i mean. even though my thoughts
are still tangled in my head.

the connection. oh man. one look.
one glance. one squeeze of the hand.
a giggle, a snort, a chuckle. oh man
oh man. the flow. we both just. get it.
together.

addicted to how he sees the world, and how
that adds so much delight and surprise to my
own worldviews.

and that Thor looks almost as good as him.

 

[freeeekyyy]

Why are ENFJs theoretically ideal for INTPs? Js tend to be controlling and that pisses me off. (Ironic isn't it?)

I think the "ideal" type for INTPs is actually ENTJs, but it's not really important. The dominant thinking preference is more important than the orientation. Just as for an INTJ, ENTP is theoretically a better fit than ESFP. But whatever works. I just don't think you should be using type to filter people out in the first place. Just get to know somebody you like, and then worry about her type, so that you can make the relationship most effective.

 

[Poindexter Arachnid]

ENFJs are fine, but something deep in me is turned of by Js.

Then don't date them. You got 8 perceivers and 8 judgers to choose from.
Elementary arithmetic--remove the useless ones.
Start by putting those pesky ENFPs on the "pay-no-mind" list.

And ENFPs are the exact same as ENFJs, except they're less overt in their manipulation.
They put on that great big bullshit smile and tell you what you want to hear.

Then you get a knife in the back. You have been warned.

For you sir, I'd recommend ENTPs.
Ne+Ti mindmeld and they often find your INTP "nerdiness" kind of cute.

 

[SingSmileShine]

I've crushed on a few INTPs! I have a thing for quirky NTs. I always envisioned myself being the girlfriend of an NF or an SP, but I'm dating an SJ. So it depends on the person.