I am an ENFP girl and my boyfriend is an ESFP. We are very different and I want to know HOW I can make my relationship work.
1. He is very action oriented and I am not. He wants to play basketball with me and takes hikes and walks in nature. He wants to go to the beach to watch the sunset. I don't like basketball and I hate going out at night.
I want to do cooking with him and be silly and create new recipes. I really want to do epic meal time. Haha. I also like talking, drama, movies, and reading. He would prefer to make regular cookies and muffins but will do what I want if it makes me happy. BUT I also want him to have a good time! Playing basketball with him would make him happy but I really hate sports. I was a nerdy kid.
2. He lives in the present while I think about the future a lot. He will call me and want to come over to my house in 5 minutes. This makes me nervous because I am mentally unprepared and a lot of the times, I'm not ready to hang out or have company over. I have not showered, I haven't cleaned up... I like it when he ASKS me if he can come over the day before or at least a few hours before. I cannot handle him spontaneously coming over. I NEED to plan. Also, I have a tight schedule so when he randomly asks if we can hang out in 5 min (he lives 5 min away), I usually can't. We have never had a single date that was planned ahead of time. I really, really want to plan out dates at least 2-3 days in advance so I can write it down on my planner and mentally prepare for it. Like what am I going to wear, what's the weather going to be like, what should I bring, etc. But if planning is not his style, I don't want to force him to plan ahead if it's so difficult for him.
Should he accommodate for me or should I accommodate for him? I could give basketball a chance. I might like it. However, I am shy around him and his friends and I don't think I will have a good time. SHould I be more spontaneous or does he need to learn to plan? I know sensory experiences are incredibly important for ESFPs because of dominant Se and I totally want to accommodate by going to the beach and watching the sunset with him but I really don't want to go! Watching the sunset sounds really boring to me. If I am at the beach, I want to go in the afternoon and play around in the water and look for seashells and build sand castles. lol. He didn't like my sandcastle idea. Most girls would kill for a guy to take her to watch the sunset. I think I should just give it a chance because it seems like something most people would want and I'm probably just being very negative.
3. He can't keep his hands off of me. Once I had to physically restrain him so he would stop touching me. I talked to him about this and he said that he gets very excited when he sees me and feels hyper and just acts spontaneously without thinking. If this is hard for him, is it fair for me to continually yell at him to stop touching me? I also feel like this is my fault because I am uncomfortable with physical contact soo... it could be me. His feelings get hurt when I tell him to stop touching me and I feel bad for him. I know he's trying! As a side note, I think he has an impulse control disorder. He frequently gets into physical fights and arguments over little things. He destroyed his computer because it was loading too slowly. The other day, a woman scolded him for not bringing a pencil to school and he got very angry, snatched the pencil from her hand, threw it across the room and kicked over her desk and walked out. I don't know how to help him with this. he feels very guilty afterward but doesn't know how to control it.
Besides these things, he is very caring, sensitive and loving. He loves to cuddle with me and he is a gentleman. He has never shown any aggression with me and I know he would never hit me.
any ideas for activities we both might like? or how i can accommodate for his sensing preferences. ive already asked him to plan ahead for me and he says he will make an effort. now what can i do to accommodate for him?