She sounds conflicted. Fighting with herself, for that matter. She definitely likes you, I'd say, but if we are to believe her on her word, she has some serious trust and intimacy issues for sure. She really does not want to give up the way you make her feel though, and I suspect you dont either
Speaking from experience, being insanely private and that phobic of commitment combined with long distance relationships (at least if you want them to go somewhere), is not combinable. It just isnt. The reason a long distance relationship survives is because there is implicit trust on both ends and you're even more transparent with each other than you would be in close proximity to make sure jealousy and paranoia (as you are experiencing atm) do not have a shot in hell.
That said, she did tell you she wanted to take it back a notch and you *did* agree to that. In a more casual relationship, I take it it could be more of a booty call thing. It is truly up to you whether you are happy this way or if you want to rock the boat further and tell her which parts do not work for you.
As for contact, I know that I made my INTJ a priority every time he contacted me coz I missed him so (in a long distance relationship). He came first because of the limited time we had together. If you feel her focus is elsewhere (aside from the normal ups and downs of life)...it would be more akin to the booty call relationship you seem to be having atm, and a sign this might not be long-term material.