I have been dating an INTJ for just short of a year. It was intense and fast. We lived together after a few weeks. I just came out of a 18 year relationship and have three kids and this caused a lot of doubt that I could love her. Our biggest issue was that we both drank too much (not crazy but too much) and I am not pleasant when drinking, not horrible but insecure and not loving. She lost her faith in my security and she moved out in February. I quit drinking and everything seemed to be going great. We got back together and both professed undying love for each other.
Suddenly, she emails me to inform me that she is leaving to go visit her family in Michigan (she is a recent transplant to California and has no ties, work or otherwise here and feels the need to help her family that is in a time of crisis.) but that she also need the time to think and figure out where she was going with her life and us. She mellowed out a little and when she left she promised (a promise is golden for her) to return in a few short weeks and that she loved me. It has been two months now.
The first two weeks were very hard. She hardly talked to me as she needed time to recharge and figure things out. It then became great, good conversations, missing each other, love, etc..but she could not pull the trigger to return to CA. She never promised a date but on a few occasions asked if she could come on such and such a date (of course!!) but then would need another week. We discussed our future and options. It then came up that she had a good opportunity pop up in New Orleans and wanted to travel to there and investigate it and then come out to CA.
She has been there a week. She was about to buy a ticket to CA. Everything was great in our discussions, typical we are in love talk. Then suddenly, last Thursday, she sent me an email saying she could not come out and that it was over. Her conclusion was that every time she went to buy a ticket she felt uncertain (the lost faith, trust, security thing: which I have done everything in my power to show she has no fear there but it is in her gut and that I can't overcome.) and because she was uncertain she therefore was certain that she should not come back. She ended it by saying
A. I love you.
B. I can't be with you.
We are still talking on a daily basis but only by email and text. We have not had a single phone conversation about it. It is too hard for her. I told her I would wait until the time was right but that I wanted to talk in person. She said she could not as she knew she would not be able to leave me. I told her I will wait, forever if necessary.
To add further confusion, when I apologize over calling her "baby" (since we are not together it was not appropriate), she replied that she loved it when I called her that.
She tells me everyday that she loves me and that this is very very hard for her. I don't know what to do. Give her time? Visit her (she said no) but will come out her in a month or so to get her stuff (she left it all here). Talk about brutal packing up your exes clothes and possessions (I am moving and need to put in storage with my stuff in the short term).
In an effort to gain faith that I am really in love with her (she believe I already have had my one true love) I have switched my life insurance policy so it is payable to her, she is the beneficiary on all my other accounts, told her I would move to New Orleans (that is big when you have three kids), that I would marry her (I never married my ex of 18 years because I don't like the Gov in my business but would do it for her), runaway with her, whatever it took. And no she wants nothing from me money wise, she barely accepts gifts. She is the sweetest most caring person I know but I something is holding her back - I know it is gaining trust, and security but how?
There is so much more but no one will read this far. WHAT DO I DO? WAIT? GO SEE HER?
Please help. I love her very much.