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  1. #11
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    I do not want to be rude and not participate in my own thread but I just had a project suddenly start and I won't have much time for a few days. I appreciate ALL the posts and am trying to take in all that is being said. In the meantime, nothing has really changed. I am laying low, working and just trying to be supportive.


    Regards

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    I'm not saying I have no sympathy for him at all, but at the same time, I think he may need to stop thinking of her as this confusing INFJ he needs to win over by manic acts of desperation, and more about how his behavior is coming across as being the opposite of trustworthy or stable.
    I think you are on to something. In the past, she has said that she needs me to be steady that she needs a home (not a structure but a person or place that makes her feel safe). I was never abusive but the drinking made me depressed, unmotivated and unhappy which she took in as meaning that she did not make me happy. It is a fair observation. I just wish she would give the completely sober me a chance. I am night and day. Only time will tell.

  3. #13
    Just a note... LittleV's Avatar
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    It could be a tricky thing because every INFJ is different, such is the case for all of the types. I could tell you that I agree with the commenters suggesting that you should respect her wishes while continuing to be supportive, until she may deem you to mean well and to be able to stick to your decisions despite distractions (this is generally the best default route: space). Visiting her would be risky; however, it did work when my ex had done such things (for better or worse). Nonetheless, if the true issue is her trust and she indeed loves you, then properly indicate to her that you’re dependable and have everything together when sober. Outside of that, all you can do is wait. Good luck.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    You're thinking way too much on this. INFJs can be cold IME and your dilemma may not have as much to do with you as it does their issues. That's my guess. There are a lot of screwed up people out there, refuse to take it personally IMO.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  5. #15
    Member Dudesowin's Avatar
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    INTJ and alcohol do not mix at all I have past experience with this. It is like that saying "Lose lips sink ships".

    Here are a few tips to stabilize things. You are a free man with 3 wonderful children. And you gained a secret long distance pen pal along with many memories to reminisce on and new found wisdom. In other words you are better off now than you were before the relationship right? If not then why any desire to want into it again?

    Lets get to the basis of this matter... you feel emasculated because you think she is cheating on you? LOL nobody cares her loss if so right?
    Mastery is its own reward.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleV View Post
    (this is generally the best default route: space).
    I think you are correct. We exchange a few texts each day and I only offer her support and understanding. I worry about her. She has told me that she is crying and have a very hard time with the transition. I don't push anything and only tell her to let me know if there is anything I can do for her. In the past, she has praised me for being the best and most patient boyfriend.

    It slipped my mind, mainly because I never notice the symptoms but she is being treated for a dissociative disorder. AND last week stopped taking all her meds (she ran out and the program that she gets them from is out here). The mix of meds they had her on was pretty crazy in my opinion. It was bupropion, xanax, amphetamine salts, and just started naltrexone (spelling?) I worry about her and have offered to pickup the meds and FedX, something I have done twice before when this has happened.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dudesowin View Post
    "Lose lips sink ships".

    ... you feel emasculated because you think she is cheating on you? LOL nobody cares her loss if so right?
    Loose lips...you hit the nail on the head!

    cheating: she can't cheat on me we are not together and it is not a worry of mine. She would tell me instantly. She doesn't understand the concept of white lies and is very, very frank and direct.

    Running away...yes in a way but it would always incorporate my kids. I would either travel back and forth and/or have them travel or just spend half the year in one place. All in the short term, not the long run. Kids are getting older and are the best, most supportive, well adjusted kids in the world (IMHO!!) From day one they loved and supported my girlfriend and miss her almost as much as I do. Even my EX is doing all she can to help me through this time.

    Another postedr said something about being COLD....maybe I have not caught on but in my opinion she is the most caring and thoughtful person I have every known. She puts too much out for others. She gave up her life and dreams to take care of an ill mother that was never really a mother to her. She is now willing to do the same to help her sister. She keeps putting her life on hold to help others who are really much better off than she is. Perhaps it is a way of avoiding responsibility or failure but she really, really cares about others in a deep way.

    emasculated....actually my EX was seeing a very good mutual friend for a year prior to our breakup and it actually made the process easier for me. It became black and white. It is very complicated and hard to explain in the time I have but the three of us still see each other socially several times a week and are all still good friends. My only beef is that they never fessed up and came clean to me but waited until I told them it was ok.

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