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  1. #21
    Junior Member Faithful's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I feel like I've seen a 'written way better' description of Ne that was basically a comprehensible version I what I just attempted there (and yes included all the possibilities stuff)... but you may be totally right. I don't really understand how these kinds of things come about but I'm an ENFP that also tests high in Ni as well. And when I read Ni descriptions...(I've never seen one like what I described though)...I recognize that I use my brain in that way. But it's all kinda jumbled up for me - so yah.

    I really liked what you said in your direct statement...but yah that's not even going to remotely work with him if he's not "feelin it". He'll just be like 'OOoooohhhh FUN GAME I WANT TO PLAY!!!!!'

    Are you able tell him your confused about your feelings? Or is that going to make something 'real' before you want it to become 'real'?
    Yeah - I'm not very good at describing Ne vs Ni.. I guess to be more specific Ni wants to employ deductive thinking thereby creating something solid and definite out of seemingly contradictory possibilities. I could be completely wrong but it almost seems to me that Ne wants to employ largely inductive thinking thereby never fully closing off options and always able to generate more. I'm just hazarding a guess.. kind of like a puzzle with a missing piece: Ni wants to find the missing piece while Ne seems to want to figure out why the piece is missing.

    You're right.. I really can't tell him my confused feelings. I think it would "make something 'real'" prematurely..

  2. #22
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Faithful View Post
    Yeah - I'm not very good at describing Ne vs Ni.. I guess to be more specific Ni wants to employ deductive thinking thereby creating something solid and definite out of seemingly contradictory possibilities. I could be completely wrong but it almost seems to me that Ne wants to employ largely inductive thinking thereby never fully closing off options and always able to generate more. I'm just hazarding a guess.. kind of like a puzzle with a missing piece: Ni wants to find the missing piece while Ne seems to want to figure out why the piece is missing.

    You're right.. I really can't tell him my confused feelings. I think it would "make something 'real'" prematurely..
    It's difficult when I get to this point with an individual that lives in a cautious manner because my Life's philosophy is at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I mean, I can make a few 'grown up' decisions here and there... but if I'm attracted to someone? OMG. All I need to know is the dude is a good person... and after that I just want to hang-out, enjoy life and see how the shared story unfolds. It's like I hardly know what to say. Years ago when I literally thought everyone on the planet used their brains in the exact same way I did...and all they needed was a little inspiration every once and a while...I swear I would have said...'OMG go for it. If you like him why not? Just have fun and see where things lead.' But yah. Oh I still want to say that kind of thing all the time...but I know better.

    When I read the direct statement example you gave I felt so encouraged. That is exactly how you will want to formulate your sentences - you just also want those statements to be true (like we were discussing...he'll totally know the difference and act on feeling.) What I'm getting at is...when our minds are off in 'possibility land'...it is profoundly helpful when someone can just connect the dots together like that - no bs, no fluff, no nicey-nice. Just clear honest statements. <--Don't be afraid to use them whichever path you choose...but especially if you decide to, at least try prior to making a withdrawal, the friendship route. Exactly like what you were saying but yah, again, mean it. Mixed messages may be fun to figure out in certain situations (like how it is for him now)...but for the most part they can end up causing us anxiety or irritation. I'm pretty sure you guys get this same thing...you totally know something's not right but you keep second-guessing it because you care about the person and what to trust but...? Crazy-making.

    And let me just say this part one more time as it's going to take me a long time to recover from the trauma of hearing an INFJ say 'sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind' <---In spite of the fact I have no idea what that means...it still causes me to have an instant anxiety attack haha. Please refer back to some of things I wrote in this thread if and when the time comes. If removing yourself from this ENFPs life is what you need to do for yourself - totally do it. You seem so strong and dynamic - I imagine putting in a good word to him prior to walkin wouldn't be too much of an extension...and he would really appreciate it. 'Sometimes you need to be kind to be kind.'

  3. #23
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Faithful View Post
    So why do I withdraw? Simply put: my time is the most precious commodity I have. I only share my time with people that I appreciate and who I know I share the same values. Sure, I will be polite and friendly with people I don't care about, but to give of myself in a real way is only possible if I value being with that person for whatever reason. I would rather be entirely alone than waste my time on people who do not value it. So, if I give you time its the biggest compliment I know to give. If I want someone to feel less "valued" (as in romantic disinterest) then I automatically withdraw my time. I know this probably sounds all cold-hearted to you... but its only ever done out of a sense of doing what is best for the other person and for my self in the long term.
    No, it makes perfect sense.

    It's just that an NFP, who is normally relaxed, playful, and carefree with their time allocation, will suddenly upon romantic interest become very intentional with their time allocation, and hyperaware of the messages it may be sending. So we actually have quite the reverse situation where we might go from being around a person all the time, to all but disappearing once we have a crush on them. Or not - we might become even closer - depending on how close we were to begin with. Regardless, it suddenly becomes very calculated, where it wasn't before. Our biggest compliment is perhaps not our time, but our intentional attention. It boils down to the same thing - care - essentially, of course.

    Distancing for me is usually a last resort - as in it is done after I have tried to approach an issue directly but without success, or if I'm being emotionally damaged by a relationship and need out. You're right though, I never tell people why I'm distancing myself. It seems so obvious to me when coupled with the situational context of a friendship that it simply doesn't occur to me. Maybe more significantly, I'm very afraid of my Fe function over riding my logic as it would if I were to make the decision in consultation with my friend. I care so much about others' feelings that sometimes when I know that I need to take an action at all costs for myself its very very difficult. Its better for myself just to withdraw quickly and cleanly rather than go through a long drawn out process.
    Interesting, and good to know. I think a clean break could be very good for the other person, too, at least in the beginning, but definitely with explanation. It'll hurt at first, but at least then it will be clean on both ends. From the ENFP perspective, a clean break on the NFJ end sans explanation isn't very clear on our end - lots of scraggly loose ties hanging in the wind that we'll be forever trying to follow up on. That's very interesting about Fe and decision-making in consultation.

    I'm sorry some of you seem to have had painful experiences with this I do know what it's like to be on the receiving end.. an INFJ friend did this to me also without an explanation. To be honest, I am still having issues accepting it because it prevented me having proper closure.
    Exactly.

    I guess maybe part of my problem is that secretly I really like him and I think he knows this.
    Ahhh. I suspect if you really feel that way about him, your subconscious is going to try to keep leaving ends a little bit open for him, if there's one thing a Ne dom can spot from a mile away, it's a loophole... :]

    Like Starry said, if you personally need to distance yourself, take care of yourself, but do let him know that you're experiencing some internal turmoil that you need to attend to. It'll make it easier on both of you in the long run.

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