Hi, I'm new.
I'm feeling a strong sense of loss over a woman I had one perfect night with but who decided she needed to be single for a while. I'm having trouble understanding how she could make a decision like that intellectually, and blame myself for being overly clingy after and possibly scaring her away. I spent the past two weeks living in a romantic fantasy of me and her, and how perfect she is and all the things we would do over the summer, and how I'd help her find her purpose and career (we talked about things like that). I feel like the rug was swept from under my feet, like i was dumped after a long, happy relationship I had fast-forwarded in my head. I can't stop imagining and adding to the fantasy about her, to the point where everything else is drab and pointless.
I manage work and friends successfully in some kind of background mode while my main energy is focused on dreaming about how it could have been. I find it hard to be happy about what I have in the present, which coincidentally is very close to my previous idealized fantasy I nurtured four months ago; living in a new city, working at an ad agency and having a core circle of good friends. Yet now, I can't appreciate it because this woman slipped out of my hands.
A month before her, I had a short relationship with someone who didn't let me close, yet i idealized her as well to the point where I changed all my preferences about relationships so that she would stay with me, and possibly manipulated her into trying to get closer to me than she was really comfortable with. It wasn't until I met this one that I realized how bad that situation was, and I'm now worried that this one will linger with me until I find someone else. And I feel like there's no one else that can replace her.
I'm frustrated that finding a woman is the only thing that really feels important to me even though I know I haven't been happier when I've been in relationships before and really should be single for a while. I want to focus my energy on my friends and my career, and get satisfaction out of success in those areas, but I find it so hard to get inspired and feel alive without pursuing a deep, emotional connection with a lover. I've tried meditation, yoga, painting, writing, partying, casual sex and none of it seems to be able to break this funk for more than a day or two. But I know I'm a rollercoaster and based on previous experience I'll probably have some epiphany over the next months and laugh at this.
I want to work myself out of this methodically instead of decieving myself this time, even if it's not in my nature. Any advice?