User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 88

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Posts
    4

    Default ENFP Girlfriend Stringing Me Along - Should I Keep Trying?

    I have been dating this ENFP girl for about 6 months. I am an ESTP. She's pretty typical ENFP - easily distracted, has a hard time following through on things she's into because there are too many possiblities, her head is very much in the clouds and not necessarily paying attention to things like rules, details, etc. She is extremely smart though, charming & charismatic, funny, and super social. Like at a bar she'll run around and talk to everyone. She gets easily distracted by sparkly things.

    We got together about 6 months ago in September and then in November she asked me to be her boyfriend. We are both 24. She tends to be idealistic in relationships - like on Valentine's Day when I got her a gift, she told me how much she loved it and how I'm totally the best. She'd often say things like that. She's a very sensitive person as well but is pretty openly sexually liberated (the relationship moved pretty fast in that sense when we first met). We told each other I love you about a week before Valentine's Day. Since then we would say it to each other unprompted. We always did fun stuff together and had a great time. Before I left town for 10 days, nothing seemed wrong.

    However, when I was out of town out of the blue she sent me an email telling me that she wanted to end it because she's just not feeling the emotions she needs to feel in a relationship. I was surprised because the week before when I was still gone, she had called me out of the blue and told me "I love you, I miss you, and I'll see you when you are back". But then I got that email one week later. She told me that I'm an awesome, fun person to be around (she has never been bored with me) but that she doesn't feel the deep connection she wants to. Like that we aren't creating a world together, we don't have the kind of love that can transcend her problems, and she doesn't feel the same way about me when I am with her as when I am not.

    She also mentioned that she doesn't feel like we spend enough time together (which I told her I am more than happy to do), that she feels like her simple dreams of being a teacher are not compatible with my dreams of doing amazing things and that she isn't sure if the reasons I like her are good enough - she keeps saying I could like anyone for those reasons. She also says that she feels self conscious around me. I told her that I'd love to spend more time with her but breaking up seems to be the wrong way to do that and that she can tell me anything so she shouldn't feel self conscious around me. She has also told me that she's not even sure if she should be in a relationship right now because her life is a little up in the air in August and so she's not sure if it's the best thing for her right now. Also, she has really disliked her job ever since I've met her. Finally she's taking steps towards getting a new one and leave soon. I feel like part of her feels that she may need time to work on herself and get through this before being in a relationship.

    I've met with her twice since she sent that email and every time at the end of the conversation we kiss and she says she's going to think about continuing it. I also randomly bumped into her a few days ago and we had a great 30 minute conversation and touched but it doens't really feel resolved. Do any other ENFP's have any idea what is going on/what she is feeling? Or why she could change so quickly? Or if it is worth it to try to keep it alive? She seems a bit confused to me. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    5,529

    Default

    My best friend is an ENFP and I've seen her do this with almost everyone she dates. Your girl may be different and I'm sure ENFPs on here can give you a first hand perspective instead of my observational one.

    My friend comes on very strong but is very insecure and looks constantly(!) for reassurance from the person she is dating. It's almost as if she doesn't necessarily like them, but likes the way they make her feel. If the admiration isn't there she moves on quickly. Out of sight - new possibilities to look at.

    Sounds like you like the girl and are doing and saying everything right but a confused ENFP is a dangerous one.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  3. #3
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    1,859

    Default

    Relationships can bring tears to eyes at times, but anything has its price.
    Why does it seem an awful lot of people do not understand that the initial thrill gives a relationship good prospects? That real love happens after the emotions seem 'gone'. That if both will stick together through the hard times and good times, real depth is created, even if it's "Fake it 'til you make it" when it feels bland, and that later love will have grown or gestated, richly rewarding those who are courageous coming back in a much richer, deeper wave of emotion. That is truly rewarding. I think in part because both had a part in it.
    Tell her that would be a thing you might do. Brother, what do you have to lose.

    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Posts
    1,232

    Default

    99.9% chance she is cheating on you. If she were really into you, she wouldn't be pulling this shit.

    And she'll keep doing this over and over and over until you break.
    But by then, you'll be emotionally invested.

    You already know what you need to do--it is right there in the subject line.
    Now go and do it.

    Word of advice: Don't let her down gently. She doesn't deserve it.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    12,409

    Default

    Open up your eyes— walk.

  6. #6
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,933

    Default

    ESTP + ENFP sounds like a pretty awful combo, so the complaint about the connection not being deep enough should be legit. And she might have been cheating.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  7. #7
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,835

    Default

    Nah, you guys, MDP was closer when she said it's insecurity. I don't think she has necessarily cheated, but she obviously had a couple bouts of insecurity in terms of the strength of the relationship. Time away is hard because there's little positive emotional reassurance and lots of reminders of other options. I wouldn't blame you if you found this unacceptable, but, as an ENFP myself, I don't find it particularly surprising. We live in a world of possibilities and without enough Feeling grounding a relationship, it can become a struggle to want to stay committed when you have constant reminders that there might be something healthier for both of you out there. As far as I can tell in this situation, there's still room for a relationship with her if you want to keep pursuing it, but if you do, it probably won't be the end of her insecurity. So it's worth it if this kind of thing isn't a big deal to you, and you're game for trying to make the changes that she feels like she really needs.

  8. #8
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Posts
    1,232

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Nah, you guys, MDP was closer when she said it's insecurity. I don't think she has necessarily cheated, but she obviously had a couple bouts of insecurity in terms of the strength of the relationship. Time away is hard because there's little positive emotional reassurance and lots of reminders of other options. I wouldn't blame you if you found this unacceptable, but, as an ENFP myself, I don't find it particularly surprising. We live in a world of possibilities and without enough Feeling grounding a relationship, it can become a struggle to want to stay committed when you have constant reminders that there might be something healthier for both of you out there.
    Good Christ...are you people really this pathetic?

    As far as I can tell in this situation, there's still room for a relationship with her if you want to keep pursuing it, but if you do, it probably won't be the end of her insecurity. So it's worth it if this kind of thing isn't a big deal to you, and you're game for trying to make the changes that she feels like she really needs.
    Fuck her needs. The girl is a co-dependent attention whore.

  9. #9
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    You're being a really great boyfriend and if she doesn't feel a good connection with you or think you like her for the right reasons after you're offering all this to her, nothing you can say will change her mind.

    It means she isn't in love with you, or even possibly that she's too immature to feel real committed love.

    and she doesn't feel the same way about me when I am with her as when I am not.
    Get rid of her.

  10. #10
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Duck_of_Death View Post
    99.9% chance she is cheating on you. If she were really into you, she wouldn't be pulling this shit.

    And she'll keep doing this over and over and over until you break.
    But by then, you'll be emotionally invested.

    You already know what you need to do--it is right there in the subject line.
    Now go and do it.

    Word of advice: Don't let her down gently. She doesn't deserve it.
    I honestly kind of agree with you for once.

    but that she doesn't feel the deep connection she wants to. Like that we aren't creating a world together, we don't have the kind of love that can transcend her problems, and she doesn't feel the same way about me when I am with her as when I am not.
    This is like a huge neon sign that says "USING YOU USING YOU USING YOU USING YOU"

Similar Threads

  1. RELIGIOUS ENFP GIRLFRIEND KEEPS BREAKING UP WITH ME
    By Aweso_23 in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 10-22-2017, 08:31 PM
  2. [ENFP] ENFP girlfriend confusing me! Help!
    By fecaleagle in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 295
    Last Post: 11-17-2016, 01:44 PM
  3. [ENFP] ENFP fell for me fast. Should I be concerned?
    By Strawberry Unicorn in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 10-17-2016, 03:03 PM
  4. [ENFP] INFJ does not understand ENFP please help me get to the bottom of it :)
    By pollypossom in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-27-2011, 07:49 PM
  5. [ENFP] How can I tell if an ENFP is into me?
    By ed111 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 81
    Last Post: 01-05-2011, 05:58 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO