Just read this post.
Assuming this is true, her reasons seem lame and I can see why he's holding on/fighting it.
Sticking around because you're over someone but pity them is one thing; still having feelings but not being sure if it can work is another. This situation seems like the latter to me, which is why it's more of a push/pull, imo.
IMO, she has recognized her feelings were towards a fantasy, an idea of him. He's reigniting possibility when they meet-up, which is confusing her.
I agree with [MENTION=122]marm[/MENTION] that this is confusing for J-dom, but the OP is P-dom himself. IMO, IxxPs do the "exploring" before commitment that Pe types do, but we don't tend to re-open possibilities once committed. That's why people say it's hard to change our minds on things we've examined thoroughly & have conclusions on (but people also don't realize how deeply we've considered & for how long). ExxPs do both, perhaps because they don't go as deep & so it's easier to re-open an issue. I think that their exploring can be so enthusiastic it looks like dedicated commitment to people. Ne-dom especially seem possessed by ideas & then can quickly lose interest & turn them into obligations & cages.
The thing I noticed was that he talked a lot about how she compliments him and the great things she says to him, about him and how she feels about him and he loves all that, but he never once complimented her or said what's great about her. All he said was that he wants to stay together.
I'm not saying he doesn't compliment her but he just didn't say he did in the OP and I wondered if he does in real life.
I had a big tangent, but I'll give the cliff notes & perhaps make a new thread on "Relationship Stages".
Anyhow, this is what infatuation is, and why when it wears off many relationships don't survive.
It's about how someone makes YOU feel, not about valuing them for the person they are (not just emotional response, but a genuine feeling). When they no longer have that effect on you, then you think, "I've fallen out of love", but really, you never truly loved the person to begin with. You just loved how they made you feel.
So at one point the ESTP probably made the ENFP feel a certain way, so she felt "in love", but now he no longer has that effect (what she has basically detailed in her break-up reasons, IMO). With the infatuation gone, she's seeing they're not really compatible (according to what she feels she needs) and she doesn't really love him for him nor felt loved for herself.
The relationship stages go something like this (tangent time!):
Infatuation - this when the brain is high on the other person, this allows people to get to know each other while making it worth the hassle.
Disillusionment - brain high wears off & you see the person much more clearly. Usually you've bonded enough to go into the next phase, but many people just break up here.
Negotiation - You begin to negotiate with yourself & your partner what you're willing to do to make it work. If you can't work it out, then you break up. OR, one party may end up giving a lot more than the other, especially if they are not disillusioned or have developed a real love.
This is where I think the OP is - infatuated (focused on how she makes him feel) & trying to negotiate with a disillusioned partner who doesn't want to negotiate. If he was disillusioned also, then he'd probably let go if he saw she didn't want to "make it work".
Next stages are:
Commitment
Creation
Security