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  1. #61
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    Hmmm, are you *the girl* that's under the microscope?
    Nope! Just a clear reader of the OP.

    I definitely agree that whatever the OP does, it needs to involve telling her respectfully but in no uncertain terms what the problem is with her behavior. It will hurt to learn, but her future relationships will have more hope if she does.

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    The mic is on and working well... we heard you repeat yourself loud and clear... over...
    Keep listening.
    Let it sink in.

    The fact that you're blaming HIM for the circumstances says a lot about your character (mostly that you don't have it).

    She's being dishonest and passive-aggressive and has shown that she clearly doesn't care about anything other than her feelings and you expect him to grovel at her feet? Are you fuckin' kidding me?

    If you have to beg for love, something ain't right.

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Maybe you should get with him.
    That depends. Is he successful?
    'Cause I gotta be honest: I'm a high maintenance kinda guy.

  3. #63
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    ENFP meets ESTP & finds him attractive. She pursues potential as Ne-dom do, & they date. She's enamoured more with an idea of him than anything though, and as his reality become clearer, doubt sets in about the real potential. His absence gave her time to sort out her own feelings (Fi) instead of staying caught up in pursuing an idea. She seeks to end it & gives her reasons. He keeps trying to talk her out of it. When they meet, her heart is tugged by his feelings & she sees his perspective in the moment (perhaps reviving some "potential"), and agrees to keep trying or at least think about. When alone, she recalls her own feelings & why they are valid & goes back to her prior decision.
    Just read this post.

    Assuming this is true, her reasons seem lame and I can see why he's holding on/fighting it.

    Sticking around because you're over someone but pity them is one thing; still having feelings but not being sure if it can work is another. This situation seems like the latter to me, which is why it's more of a push/pull, imo.

  4. #64
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    You know I was just re-reading some Jung, and it was talking about how J-doms (IxxPs and ExxJs) see P-doms (ExxPs and IxxJs) as the most ridiculous, irrational people, and this was specifically on the Pe type, assigning bad motives to the Pe dom, where the Pe dom simply doesn't have that clearly of a rational motive; the Pe dom is apparently more likely to believe that relationships only last as long as things like circumstances allow, and the J-dom doesn't see this as especially human.

    That appears to be going on in this thread.

    It also is going on in that thread where a Pi dom sarcastically said that an Fi dom's "razor" was why assign chance when something could be easily attributed to malice.

    Cool.

    Jung was so smart.

  5. #65
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    DoD is banned from the thread for repeatedly taking things to an unnecessarily personal level.

  6. #66
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duck_of_Death View Post
    She's being dishonest and passive-aggressive and has shown that she clearly doesn't care about anything other than her feelings and you expect him to grovel at her feet? Are you fuckin' kidding me?
    She may be being dishonest, but I don't think she's being passive aggressive.
    That depends. Is he successful?
    'Cause I gotta be honest: I'm a high maintenance kinda guy.
    I would have never guessed it!

  7. #67
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    You know I was just re-reading some Jung, and it was talking about how J-doms (IxxPs and ExxJs) see P-doms (ExxPs and IxxJs) as the most ridiculous, irrational people, and this was specifically on the Pe type, assigning bad motives to the Pe dom, where the Pe dom simply doesn't have that clearly of a rational motive; the Pe dom is apparently more likely to believe that relationships only last as long as things like circumstances allow, and the J-dom doesn't see this as especially human.

    That appears to be going on in this thread.

    It also is going on in that thread where a Pi dom sarcastically said that an Fi dom's "razor" was why assign chance when something could be easily attributed to malice.

    Cool.

    Jung was so smart.
    Wow, that's so true. Amazing!

  8. #68
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    There's a lot of good advice in this thread from the women.

    It's an interesting thing to read about because that fickleness of ENFPs is the primary reason I went with other types back in the day. A number of years after finishing college this ENFP admitted to having a huge crush on me for a couple of years. She was beautiful and we got along great but I told her I thought she was "too fickle" and that's what drove my decision. My sense was there was too much risk to being hurt. I'd rather be with someone I could depend on. Looking at type, that of course is coming from an Enneagram 6, which tends to focus on things that can go wrong and according to the statistics, 6s prefer 9s and 2s. ENFPs are seldom 9s or 2s. So an INTJ Enneagram 6 would be less likely to end up with an ENFP than other types of INTJs which is irrelevant to this thread but something I just thought of.

    Honestly, I don't think the ENFPs are intentionally doing anything wrong. They have a sense that certain things bother them or it's not right but aren't sure what to do. They have a hard time making final decisions in general and also with ending relationships (or at least finishing them for good) unless you do something serious to violate their trust in which case you're toast. Even after ending things, they still want to hang out and be friends and can sometimes appear to give mixed signals.

    Personally, I wouldn't put up with it. I'd move on and not hang out with her anymore.

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  9. #69
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    Hi all - thank you for the responses.

    @senza tema: I didn't try to contact her in those 10 days in between. She was the one who told me she would call and didn't so I didn't really want to push it.

    I do live in a big city so will be able to meet someone else. It just sucks losing someone you really liked when it was so out of the blue. The thing that surprises me the most is that the whole time I thought she liked me more than I liked her. Like she was the one who wanted to go exclusive in the first place.
    @Marmotini:
    that he wants to try to make it work if they were just getting along great ten days ago and they had told each other they loved each other.
    That right above is correct. I think that it's pretty weird behavior to tell someone you love them and then tell it to them unprompted after the first time and then end it a month later. I guess I'm also just confused as to how someone could do that and tell them 'I love you' on the phone a week before ending it. And the last few times we hung out she seemed normal & happy - not weird or distant.

    However, I am going to meet with her one last time to exchange our stuff and say bye - I've tried salvaging this relationship enough at this point.

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by deanmartin12345 View Post
    Hi all - thank you for the responses.

    @senza tema: I didn't try to contact her in those 10 days in between. She was the one who told me she would call and didn't so I didn't really want to push it.

    I do live in a big city so will be able to meet someone else. It just sucks losing someone you really liked when it was so out of the blue. The thing that surprises me the most is that the whole time I thought she liked me more than I liked her. Like she was the one who wanted to go exclusive in the first place.
    @Marmotini:

    That right above is correct. I think that it's pretty weird behavior to tell someone you love them and then tell it to them unprompted after the first time and then end it a month later. I guess I'm also just confused as to how someone could do that and tell them 'I love you' on the phone a week before ending it. And the last few times we hung out she seemed normal & happy - not weird or distant.

    However, I am going to meet with her one last time to exchange our stuff and say bye - I've tried salvaging this relationship enough at this point.
    RED WORDS: Omgz I know. Fuck.

    BLUE WORDS: Hold up. Wait a second. Maybe she is insecure. This is deeply valuable information.

    I take back almost everything I said. Apparently my intuition about strangers on the Internet fucking sucks (though works pretty well for me IRL from voice and facial cues, but that's probably Se/Ni). Keep pursuing her. Just see if it works.

    That piece of information changes everything, I think.

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