Hi all, I was hoping that some INFPs could give me some insight into my situation.
First, I've only just started reading up on the MBTI, and so am not 100% of the types my fiance and I are. He has tested for both INTJ and INFP, and I've gotten INTP and INTJ. I'm taking the position that he is INFP and I am INTJ for now.
Next, on the background of the relationship: We've been together almost three years. He proposed in July last year. However, sometime earlier this month we had a big fight which led to a week of "cold war" where we didn't speak at all. That was my first red flag actually, because we've always been able to text each other good night even when we were unhappy. We just had a talk yesterday and he said:
1) he has lost interest in the relationship and is not attracted to me physically anymore. He doesn't know which came first or if they are related.
2) being with me is a habit, a comforting familiarity.
3) When I asked "so what does it mean when you say you miss me?", he couldn't express it and said something about how there's a hollow space when I'm not around.
3) when i tried to find out why and how he lost interest, he couldn't really say either. When pressed, he said: he thinks it's because of the constant fighting (which to me weren't that big and constant, but I'm beginning to realise we have vastly different perceptions of this - because of the INTJ vs INFP way?), and how he doesn't feel he can get the support he needs from "us" anymore, which is making him question if "us" is worth the effort. And he has started to feel this since the start of 2013. (which was really news to me, I guess I could sense he was a little more distant, but not that much and i put it down to the fact that he has just changed his job)
4) When I asked why he is still hanging on, he said there is a sense of not wanting to give up. When I asked for specifics, he couldn't really express it. He then said perhaps it's more of his stubborn nature of not wanting to give up easily and he wants to know he has given it a fair shot. And nostalgia?
I'm sure there are details that I have missed, but this is what I can remember right now.
So I have a few questions:
1) Why did it take so long for him to tell me these? Was it simply because I had never asked before? Or is this common for INTJ-INFP pairings? Ie I was being an oblivious INTJ and he was just bottling it up for the sake of harmony?
2) When INFPs say they have lost interest, is there no chance of resparking it again? Does it sound like there's no love anymore or could it be that there's a little ember deep down inside that I just need to nurture?
3) Any suggested course of action? Is taking a break a good idea? Should I be positive and continue as normal but with more awareness of his feelings in the hopes that it will pick up again? Should I trap him in bed even though he doesn't seem interested?
Any insights will be much appreciated. The more I read about MBTI, the more I feel it resonates and could be helpful, so I'm keen to hear what you guys have to say about this. Thanks!