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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    He sounds pissy and spoiled. Is he like that in person, too? Because that doesn't sound like much fun.
    No, he can be really funny and easy-going. What attracted me at the beginning was his ability to laugh at himself and not take the world too seriously (including me i thought). Once I said "I miss your arms" and he said "I'll courier them over". I don't know what changed. Job stress?

  2. #12
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rache View Post
    No, he can be really funny and easy-going. What attracted me at the beginning was his ability to laugh at himself and not take the world too seriously (including me i thought). Once I said "I miss your arms" and he said "I'll courier them over". I don't know what changed. Job stress?
    It could be. He could be depressed about one thing or another. I would imagine he will eventually come out on the other side of it, but he might not and even if he does, he might still not feel physically attracted to you. The loss of physical attraction in the absence of an acute health problem or as a side effect of medication seems kind of deal-breakery to me. You can be friends with someone that isn't interested in banging you, but it's hard to have a romantic relationship with them, IMO. It leads to misery and heartbreak.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    It could be. He could be depressed about one thing or another. I would imagine he will eventually come out on the other side of it, but he might not and even if he does, he might still not feel physically attracted to you. The loss of physical attraction in the absence of an acute health problem or as a side effect of medication seems kind of deal-breakery to me. You can be friends with someone that isn't interested in banging you, but it's hard to have a romantic relationship with them, IMO. It leads to misery and heartbreak.
    I agree. How does it happen though? I dunno, I suppose I've always thought that physical attraction waxes and wanes, especially over a long-term relationship. And I've always thought it's a matter of making the effort to, say, dress up for dates and trying new stuff.

    Sigh. I feel like I need to re-examine my worldview now.

  4. #14
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rache View Post
    I agree. How does it happen though? I dunno, I suppose I've always thought that physical attraction waxes and wanes, especially over a long-term relationship. And I've always thought it's a matter of making the effort to, say, dress up for dates and trying new stuff.

    Sigh. I feel like I need to re-examine my worldview now.
    I'd say that drive and energy and availability waxes and wanes. Like, when our children were small and I was exhausted all the time, our sex life took a dive. I still found him attractive and when we had sex, it was very good, but I was just dead tired. Now that we're older and he has sleep apnea and is working nights, our sex live has taken another dive, but he still finds me attractive and appears to enjoy sex when we can both manage to be awake and in the mood at the same time. If you're already having issues early in the relationship, when it's basically in the honeymoon phase, I'd imagine it'd be extremely difficult when life's shit really started to hit the fan, if that makes sense.

    You might have better luck with someone of similar personality, but more mature and comfortable in their own skin.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #15
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    This is inferior Te stuff - being hyper critical, sensitive & defensive. He gave you a big clue with the "inadequacy" bit.
    Is there any additional stress in his life right now? Anything overwhelming? He seemed to see your text as making another "demand", not being an expression of affection. Maybe right now he needs to hear "I'm here for you when you need me" instead of "I wish you were here for me more".

    INFPs sometimes have a hard time asking for what they need, but can begin to resent not getting it. And when people want to interact but the INFP is not getting what they need, it can feel like these people are demanding more time/energy, not showing care/interest.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #16
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    Based on the texting, it sounds like he's feeling overwhelmed because of something (possibly external stress?) and has taken to intepreting things with a negative mindset, hence his reply to your text. I definitely don't think you did anything wrong by sending him that message, but from experience, maybe in future making sure that anything that's intended to be positive is especially obviously so, could help prevent misunderstandngs like what happened. Not exactly an INFP but quite close (my E/I is quite balanced), and I've ever been in a similar negative state. Even when i became aware of it, i had to consciously challenge my first impressions to keep from turning everything vaguely ambiguous into a bad sign >< For physical attraction.... I'm not sure about your case, but I'd imagine for me that if there were other emotionally consuming relationship issues, they could overshadow any attraction I felt, and make me think (falsely) that I was simply no longer attracted, when in reality, it was more like other issues were sort of driving the attraction away. Hope this makes sense and good luck!

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rache View Post
    Sigh. I feel like I need to re-examine my worldview now.
    Orangeapplied threw some pretty spoton comments. INFPs can be A PAIN in the butt with their inferior Te.


    But I think u need to examine ur own invisible biases. What about taking on too much as a personal responsibility/task, just to name one. Sometimes hard work is exactly the opposite of what is needed.

    I think what Fi people would tell u eventually might be along those lines - remember to take care of yourself.

    all the best!

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