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  1. #71
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    I think the idea here is that you want a house, you like yard and house work, you're a home body, you probably like children, maybe pets, maybe you live in a rural area where you'd actually have to help your husband a lot as a wife, like doing most of the stuff he needs because he works 10-12 hours a day on a farm or doing construction and you can't afford a maid and a dry cleaner and all that shit that accountants and lawyers wives' can pay for, which gives some upper middle class men this scornful image of a wife who does nothing, while my experience as a person from a working-to-lower-middle-class Southern background is that wives actually work quite hard in their own way.

    Besides, you never know, she may want to do something else later on. Maybe she wants to be a wife because she actually wants to stay home and write or paint.

    Or maybe she wants six kids. If she wants to be a mother to that many children, bless her for actually wanting to raise them instead of pushing them off on daycare.

    Let's try to look at this objectively.
    I'll buy it.

    Seriously though, painting this picture for me helps me understand a lot more. Though, the girl who I'm referring to definitely doesn't fit this description all the way, I can see some similarities.

    I think I was most disturbed because that life isn't where I would feel comfortable. I want externally challenged, i want to dream and create more goals, I don't want to stay at home. Perhaps I am projecting my fears onto this girl. I need to understand that my NF style isn't fit for everyone else. I often find myself wanting to pull people out of their shells and challenge them to try more at life. Maybe I should stop and let them be.

  2. #72
    Junior Member LadyVioletBaudelaire's Avatar
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    As long as it is actually her dream, then I would commend her for it.

    I think in the society I live in and was brought up in, that there are enough other options for a girl that she probably wouldn't want that just because (but this may be colored by my own experience).

    I really think that some roles, while they are not us and some archetypes, while they are also not us, tend to resonate and act as a gateway to get our inner beings out into the world more so than others.

    I know for instance, that I feel like there are living, pulsing entities that possess me like phantom lovers and allow me to birth little bits of my soul into the world. The wife and especially the mother aren't in my blood.

    I am neutral, perhaps a bit wary, about the idea of marrying. I recognize that not all marriages are the same, but I fear that many would encroach upon me and my dreams. Even the most loving and happy of marriages could serve as something of a distraction from my “real mission”, which I am only waking up to, but still it is not to be a wife and not to be a mother, that much I can discern.

    I don’t identify with the role of wife, it is not an expression of who I am. I think, even if I was a wife, it would (I am speculating) be the difference of I go golfing, yeah and I AM a golfer! (I don’t golf).

    But some women, I think really are fulfilled by being a wife and/or a mother to the point that it is their dream and it is their bliss. I’m not going to knock that, just like I don’t want people knocking my goals and aspirations (which may not be right for them).
    Not "Revelation"—'tis—that waits,
    But our unfurnished eyes—
    ~ Emily Dickinson

  3. #73
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    i once knew a guy whose childhood dream was to be a lumberjack. true to form, he now owns a lumber company.

    learning this, i was genuinely mind blown. i've never known anyone whose childhood life long dream was so incredibly attainable, practically within the reach of nearly anyone who'd want it. for the life of me, i couldn't imagine having such a dream, to fantasize about a completely common activity (in respect to his nationality).
    and yet, somehow i know he isn't unique. their is somewhere in the world a child dreaming to one day work in an assembly line, and a girl hoping to one day fulfill her dream to be a waitress, etc... and i might never understand why, or how anyone would be self fulfilled by that sort of job... but that probably says more about me then it does about them.

    maybe this wife thing... maybe it's sort of like that.

  4. #74
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyVioletBaudelaire View Post
    I really think that some roles, while they are not us and some archetypes, while they are also not us, tend to resonate and act as a gateway to get our inner beings out into the world more so than others.

    I know for instance, that I feel like there are living, pulsing entities that possess me like phantom lovers and allow me to birth little bits of my soul into the world. The wife and especially the mother aren't in my blood.
    That's a beautiful expression of it. I resonate with the wife archetype... one of pair bonding, nurturing, companionship, supporting, receiving, attraction, sexuality, security.

    I want externally challenged, i want to dream and create more goals, I don't want to stay at home. Perhaps I am projecting my fears onto this girl. I need to understand that my NF style isn't fit for everyone else. I often find myself wanting to pull people out of their shells and challenge them to try more at life. Maybe I should stop and let them be.
    I think pulling people from their shells and challenging them is a good thing... one thing I have learned in relationships has been that sometimes different people have very different ways of expressing things that an NF would express in NF terms. My SJ tends to express things in terms of "I should do this", "I need to do this", and to me that sounds more like a burden or duty than pleasure, but one time I expressed that to him, and he responded that I shouldn't worry about it because if it wasn't something he wanted to do, he wouldn't do it. He just structures things differently in his head, I think.

  5. #75
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    It feels alien to me but i recognize it as a valid life goal and need. Some people seem just born to that role, like a fish to water. I admire their skills and level of...well..professionalism in this area very much. Compared to them, I often feel like a hack

    It is a legitimate career path, imho.
    Lol, good point. Agreed.
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