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  1. #61
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Growing up I thought of lots of stuff I wanted to be (all kinds of NFy impractical stuff) - but they were just roles I associated with being able to use my strengths & fulfill my needs. In reality, they don't necessarily mean that though.
    Like the role of "autonomous". The reality of autonomy is that the kind of autonomy most people desire requires at least some interdependence to support it, whether it is with a partner, friends, workers, or what have you.

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    That statement is so vague, how could it disturb me?
    I thought this too. I mean if you'd already done other things, or had other dreams too, and one of them was to be a wife, okay well there's nothing wrong with wanting to be married.

    I remember being in my teens and talking with one of my cousins, that if you had to be a wife with no kids or a mother with no husband, I was totally 100 percent sure even then that I'd rather be a wife.

    In that context, it's not creepy to me at all.

    I mean, I guess it's okay if that's what you want. But, like, I think my mind wants to add "and mother" to give the role a little more span, like JUST BEING A WIFE seems kind of...erm...like...my dream is to be a committed sex bot? I don't know.

    I mean hey when I was 18 years old my dream was to be a topless dancer in Vegas. Of course it was also to be a writer and do a lot of other things, like live in California (I've accomplished all of the above and more, tyvm) ...but I guess if you took my 18 year old whim out of context you'd presume I was the uneducated child of crackheads and not raised in a two-parent conservative religious home and in possession of a high school diploma.

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Yes. Wife as career. No career goals. No further education. Just to be a wife.
    I think the idea here is that you want a house, you like yard and house work, you're a home body, you probably like children, maybe pets, maybe you live in a rural area where you'd actually have to help your husband a lot as a wife, like doing most of the stuff he needs because he works 10-12 hours a day on a farm or doing construction and you can't afford a maid and a dry cleaner and all that shit that accountants and lawyers wives' can pay for, which gives some upper middle class men this scornful image of a wife who does nothing, while my experience as a person from a working-to-lower-middle-class Southern background is that wives actually work quite hard in their own way.

    Besides, you never know, she may want to do something else later on. Maybe she wants to be a wife because she actually wants to stay home and write or paint.

    Or maybe she wants six kids. If she wants to be a mother to that many children, bless her for actually wanting to raise them instead of pushing them off on daycare.

    Let's try to look at this objectively.

  4. #64
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Maybe it's not quite the same thing, but one of my dreams as a young person was to have a fulfilling marriage and family life with children of my own whom I raised with someone I loved. It wasn't my only dream, and I didn't assume that it would mean the end of all the other dreams. But I did feel that my life would be incomplete without it.

    Pragmatically speaking, it does tend to be harder for a woman to combine that particular dream with career-oriented dreams, than it is for a man. Even in households where the parents share parenting, the mother tends to be the "default" parent. Of course it isn't necessarily the case, and I know lots and lots of involved dads who are the primary caregivers to young children and the top number on the emergency contact list at the kids' school. But it's a pretty undeniable trend and it's something I've noticed in relationships all across the socioeconomic and philosophical spectrums. Even my friend who is a women's studies professor reports that she is the "default" parent and her husband (a tax law professor)'s "important meetings" trump her "important meetings."

    To me, this is a large part of what feminism is: removing those artificial societal obstacles that create this imbalance (of course there are some obstacles that are not artificial or societal, like the fact that we are the ones equipped to carry and birth and feed the babies- for example, my husband didn't have any physical barriers to returning to work after our kids were born, but my lady parts were pretty wrecked for a while and I needed to rest- that's not sexism, that's biology) so that women and men both get to choose how they work and parent. Allowing families to truly work out the arrangement that works best for them, whether that be mom at home, dad at home, a blend of the two, or some amount of high-quality childcare in the mix.

  5. #65
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Yes. Wife as career. No career goals. No further education. Just to be a wife.
    Well, I think it's a fairly unwise choice, especially the no education part. Other than that, I don't care.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Yes. Wife as career. No career goals. No further education. Just to be a wife.
    the thing is that if that wife-job description includes mother, i would rather she be educated to be a better role model for potential daughters.

  7. #67
    LL P. Stewie Beorn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    the thing is that if that wife-job description includes mother, i would rather she be educated to be a better role model for potential daughters.
    What should she be educated in and by whom should she be educated in order to be a good role model?
    Take the weakest thing in you
    And then beat the bastards with it
    And always hold on when you get love
    So you can let go when you give it

  8. #68
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    "My Dream is to be a Wife" ... does this quote disturb anyone else?
    No.

  9. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    "My Dream is to be a Wife" ... does this quote disturb anyone else?
    Me neither. Live and let live.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beorn View Post
    What should she be educated in and by whom should she be educated in order to be a good role model?
    oh, an applicant! beorn, if you want to be considered for my wife position all you need is to study the kama sutra and train in the the taken in hand doctrine, after you get a makeover in Stepford ofcourse. that's just for you though.

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