User Tag List

First 45678 Last

Results 51 to 60 of 75

  1. #51
    Society
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jontherobot View Post
    Have dreams of lasting interpersonal development become so malign in the social eye?
    no dude, this is about wives! there's nothing wrong with your life long aspiration to be my husband, nobody can blame you, you're only human.

  2. #52
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    853 sx/sp
    Posts
    4,981

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    After graduating at the top of my class in high school, I went to a mediocre college because it had a much higher percentage of women than men in comparison to other schools. I would say I regret that compromise but I don't. What is the bigger compromise - giving up a promising career or giving up an opportunity to raise children? When people are on their deathbed, they don't have regrets and wish that they spent more time in the office. Life is all about compromises.
    My point to Mane was that women start making those choices well before kids are even in the picture. I frankly don't care enough to make judgements about whether other peoples' choices are wrong are right. This whole line of conversation got started because I was expressing that I had mixed feelings about what was right for me, and I honestly can't say that--lying on my death bed--I'd have been alright with just staying home and raising the kids.
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
    you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth

  3. #53
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    iSFj
    Enneagram
    2 sx/so
    Posts
    9,666

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    do you take an issue with her life choices:

    ?
    For her, I can adjust.

  4. #54
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    6,747

    Default

    It doesn't bother me, I think some people are put in the world with straight forward paths and dreams, and that is awesome. It may be disturbing to me if the person based their entire self worth on being a wife, though.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  5. #55
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    After graduating at the top of my class in high school, I went to a mediocre college because it had a much higher percentage of women than men in comparison to other schools. I would say I regret that compromise but I don't. What is the bigger compromise - giving up a promising career or giving up an opportunity to raise children? When people are on their deathbed, they don't have regrets and wish that they spent more time in the office. Life is all about compromises.
    I made a similar choice on colleges.... Not that it lead to any lasting relationships or SOs that went beyond college, but at the end of the day I'm glad I compromised. The school I went to was rated much higher in attractiveness than the more academic places I could have gone lol.

  6. #56
    WALMART
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    no dude, this is about wives! there's nothing wrong with your life long aspiration to be my husband, nobody can blame you, you're only human.




    My quest is unending.

  7. #57
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    the problem is that it poses a question to the supposed lover considering marrying her: "if she says yes would it be because she wants to be with me forever or because she wants to be a wife?", it makes the whole sentiment seem disingenuous. this dramatically decreases her chances of getting a boyfriend to commit to be her husband, and yet the entire aspiration depends on a man choosing to do just that.
    I think it depends on what someone means by "my dream is to be a wife". You could say that with any dream. People choose a role thinking it will fulfill certain desires & needs. I'd ask someone who says that "why wife?". What do they expect to do and receive in that role? If it's 'cause their primary aspiration is a genuinely loving, formally committed relationship, then they won't want just anyone.

    If someone wants to be a "writer", what does that usually mean? Do they want to compose warning labels for jars? Probably not.

    Growing up I thought of lots of stuff I wanted to be (all kinds of NFy impractical stuff) - but they were just roles I associated with being able to use my strengths & fulfill my needs. In reality, they don't necessarily mean that though. Sometimes people can't see past a role, because they don't know how to identify it outside of some already predefined external role or its unacceptable to put it in more direct terms. Or maybe the role really works out for them.

    I think people assume the latter a lot with the "wife dream". They think she wants money & status. But what's odd to me is that's what most people want in a career. I think with the wife thing, maybe people think it's "easy money & status", just hanging onto someone else & taking their success, and that's partly why they scorn it. The problem with this is a diminishing of value of the private things I mentioned before and assuming WHY someone chooses a certain role as their dream.

    I think I'm making a defense here because my ISFJ mom has pretty much said that she only ever wanted to be a wife & mother & that when she gets to really do that fully, then she is most happy. I used to think this was sad because I saw it as mundane, but that was really projecting my own needs as something universal & denying someone else the validity of their own. There's nothing less significant about her dream than my dreams.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    I really like these posts.

    I also have to say: I'm sorry, what you've described here makes women look really bad.

    It makes them look swept along and dominated by whatever is currently the cultural paradigm.

    Ironically, their desire for autonomy seems, on the whole, to be largely non-autonomous.
    But men in general are swept up in it also. I think windup rex made that point. To me, it's a human issue, and it's not always bad to be influenced by such things or to adapt to them & work within them. Sometimes there's a good point to some of it.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  8. #58
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    446

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Webslinger View Post
    Being a wife furthermore does not exclude working for money at the same time, or even having kids. The speaker certainly didn't specify that she wanted "wife" to be her career. All we know is that this is one thing she dreams of being.

    Yes. Wife as career. No career goals. No further education. Just to be a wife.

  9. #59
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    446

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jontherobot View Post
    Have dreams of lasting interpersonal development become so malign in the social eye?
    I suppose what bothers me so much is that you are basically finding someone to fill the role of husband so that you can be a wife. The idea that a woman could settle for someone (maybe because of lack of possibilities, or wanting to rush into marriage) and really depend on that person to bring them happiness. I think relying on a person to make you happy can be dangerous since we are all fallen, fickle people.

  10. #60
    WALMART
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    I suppose what bothers me so much is that you are basically finding someone to fill the role of husband so that you can be a wife. The idea that a woman could settle for someone (maybe because of lack of possibilities, or wanting to rush into marriage) and really depend on that person to bring them happiness. I think relying on a person to make you happy can be dangerous since we are all fallen, fickle people.




    She dreams in color, she dreams in red
    Can't find a better man
    Ooohhh oh ohhh....


    Yeah. It sucks, I suppose.

Similar Threads

  1. Passive voice is to be abused in this thread
    By ygolo in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 74
    Last Post: 08-31-2015, 01:31 AM
  2. Replies: 14
    Last Post: 10-05-2014, 10:56 AM
  3. How it is to be an atheist?
    By Rasofy in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 69
    Last Post: 02-16-2014, 06:02 PM
  4. Replies: 21
    Last Post: 04-28-2012, 05:26 PM
  5. Replies: 145
    Last Post: 09-14-2010, 01:27 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO