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  1. #21
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    As long as that's not her only dream, it's fine.

    If it's her only dream, I do may feel disturbed by the fact that she's putting all her eggs in one basket.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Do I fully get their dream? No. I personally see it as a bit naive, but I see a lot of "dreams" that way now, especially when they involve roles to reach personal fulfillment (including most careers).
    the problem is that it poses a question to the supposed lover considering marrying her: "if she says yes would it be because she wants to be with me forever or because she wants to be a wife?", it makes the whole sentiment seem disingenuous. this dramatically decreases her chances of getting a boyfriend to commit to be her husband, and yet the entire aspiration depends on a man choosing to do just that.

  3. #23
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    I can't feel disturbed before I know what she has in mind, but I'll stay hopeful until I know better. I'd like to ask her to expound on her dream. How some posters got out of such a brief statement that she is overly concerned about a role, etc, I don't know.

    If she is, though, approaching life right now with readiness to marry at the forefront, I think she is getting ahead of herself. Whether and when you find a mate for life isn't predictable in that way.

  4. #24
    LL P. Stewie Beorn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Venom View Post
    The unpaid part is the key. Its almost like if a woman says "I want to be a doctor" its implied to mean "I want to be a doctor... And a wife too if that works out". So when someone says, "I want to be a wife (As a career)" it's sort of like saying "I want to be rich". A one income household with a stay at home wife/mom tends to be something that requires $$$$. Anyone that says "I want to be rich" tends to get a reaction.
    When the hell did society get the silly idea that a family has to be rich in order for a wife to stay home with the kids?

    I know several lower middle-class families with a wife and mother who stays home. It's just a matter of what you value.
    Take the weakest thing in you
    And then beat the bastards with it
    And always hold on when you get love
    So you can let go when you give it

  5. #25
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    Being a wife furthermore does not exclude working for money at the same time, or even having kids. The speaker certainly didn't specify that she wanted "wife" to be her career. All we know is that this is one thing she dreams of being.

  6. #26
    LL P. Stewie Beorn's Avatar
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    My dream is to be a self-indulgent prick who works merely for the sake of the pleasurable things it enables him to afford and only wants a relationship with someone who can meet all my desires and only for the duration that she fulfills those desires.
    Take the weakest thing in you
    And then beat the bastards with it
    And always hold on when you get love
    So you can let go when you give it

  7. #27
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beorn View Post
    When the hell did society get the silly idea that a family has to be rich in order for a wife to stay home with the kids?

    I know several lower middle-class families with a wife and mother who stays home. It's just a matter of what you value.
    ... I'm just posing one possible reason people react negative to the OP, I'm not saying people have to be rich to be SAHMs...

  8. #28
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I don't relate to it either, but it's not sad to me. It's actually surprising someone would openly say it though.

    I don't even think it's a social expectation for women anymore (as evidenced by most people's reactions to it). People who want families instead of careers or fame or achievement are often seen as sad now, as if they're wasting themselves. I think that's kind of sad too. It's like anything in the intimate realm is not regarded as satisfying or fulfilling; it must be public achievement as measured by others instead of your own internal experience.

    But most people don't think it's sad if you were to say, "I'd like to be a doctor so I can help people in pain" or something like that. But why is it pathetic to nurture, help, care for, etc, in the wife role? Because it's unpaid, without prestige?

    Or it's generally not seen as sad to say, "It's my dream to find a lasting, deep love with someone." But having a dream where you're in a loving, committed relationship as a "wife" is sad?

    I imagine someone who says this has possibly examined their needs & aptitudes & decided "wife" is a good fit for them. I think nowadays, it may even take some courage to say that, because ideals have shifted so much in a different direction.
    Yes to all this.

    What would the perspective have been 100, 500, 1000, or 5000 years ago on this question. Don't get me wrong as I'm far from traditional. It's curious that's all. What will the perspective be 100 or 200 years from now I wonder.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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  9. #29
    LL P. Stewie Beorn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Venom View Post
    ... I'm just posing one possible reason people react negative to the OP, I'm not saying people have to be rich to be SAHMs...
    I know that. My complaint wasn't about you, but about societal presumptions.
    Take the weakest thing in you
    And then beat the bastards with it
    And always hold on when you get love
    So you can let go when you give it

  10. #30
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    I have a sister and a number of friends of that mentality. It's their life choice, and not really mine to denigrate simply because they opt to become wives and mothers. Personally, I have mixed feelings about marriage. It'd be nice, but seems to come at such a heavy cost to a woman. It's not something I'd approach lightly.
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
    you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth

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