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  1. #1
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    Default INFJ's and saving people

    Why do some INFJ's do this?

    Is it because they themselves want to be saved? a form of white knight syndrome?

    How come vast's song (I've always considered them INFJ or ISTP, one of the two) "Take me with you" has the lyrics "I will save you... If you save me...?"

    What's the deal?

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    Tl;dr version:

    Fe

    My attempt at a longer, albeit simplistic, explanation:

    I'm sure an INFJ will tackle this much better than I can and unfortunately I've been too busy to be of much use on this site, however, INFJs have an orientation to the people around them. In particular, they have an orientation to ensuring the well-being of people around them.

    People often point to an INFJs dislike of conflict, however, it's more of an INFJ valuing peace and harmony. Conflict takes energy and is often negative and emotionally overwhelming - INFJs are brilliant at being able to see both sides and often shut down during conflict in order to process the entire situation. Harmony and good relations also take work but it is far more natural for an INFJ (and far less overwhelming). Put an INFJ in a room with various stakeholders/interests and watch the INFJ work his/her Fe magic to ensure that everyone's needs are satisfied - this is where the INFJ shines and is most happy. It is important for an INFJ to be able to share this harmonious view of the world (they do utilize extroverted feeling, after all rather than the introverted counterpart). A person in need of saving is, by definition, experiencing some sort of problem, i.e. in need of resolution, harmony, peace. The INFJ is the perfect person to handle this: they believe in other people and can see the strengths within others. Saving somebody means the opportunity to bring out another person's inner strength. By helping others, an INFJ is one step closer to a more peaceful world à la Gandhi ("You must be the change you want to see in the world").

    Why do INFJs care so much about other people? It is who they are.
    "Never think one can turn over any old falsehood without a terrible squirming of the horrid little population that dwells under it." - Someone Brilliant

  3. #3
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Some people are capable of deep empathy.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    Why do some INFJ's do this?

    Is it because they themselves want to be saved? a form of white knight syndrome?

    How come vast's song (I've always considered them INFJ or ISTP, one of the two) "Take me with you" has the lyrics "I will save you... If you save me...?"

    What's the deal?
    Plausibly. Most of them probably would be better to tend to their own issues though, and aren't likely to actually save someone.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

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    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    For me, it is because I want people to have pleasant, functional, peaceful lives because that's how I like to live and I'm a trouble-shooter of interpersonal/practical problems by nature. It's hard, when I see something broken, not to try to fix it and since I'm an NF, the stuff that I notice being broken is people and their relationships.

    My instinct will always be to fix things, but I've learned that I don't have to act on it and rarely do anymore. I found a partner that I don't think needs fixing. I tried to keep from breaking the kids too much so they won't need much fixing, plus if I broke it in the first place it's unlikely I'll be the best one to fix it, so I can mostly leave that be. I mostly keep to myself and stifle the urge to fix on the rare occasions it pops up because nobody likes unsolicited advice and it's not like I don't have enough wrong with me to keep me busy. And you can't fix other people anyway. We all fix ourselves or stay broken from what I've seen.

    But INFJs do not have a corner on the saving people market by any means. My mom is not an INFJ and she does it all the time and to her own detriment.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    Pathos, Cafe and Stanton....good answers.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

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    Member Guy V. Malaxia's Avatar
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    I used to take on friends as "projects," but then I realized how big of a hypocrite I was because I have so many of my own personal problems to work on. Now my take on the subject is that it's best to focus on self improvement, which will in turn affect all those with whom I associate on a regular basis. A domino effect of sorts.

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    Awesome posts.

    I suppose it is difficult for me to understand how someone can derive real pleasure for it and it not be some kind of double standard, even if its unconscious, as I have personally been rather turned off to helping others because the lazy moochers start to hear that I'm out giving free self esteem boosts to people, and it just turns into a cloud of parasites sucking out my energy.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guy V. Malaxia View Post
    I used to take on friends as "projects," but then I realized how big of a hypocrite I was because I have so many of my own personal problems to work on. Now my take on the subject is that it's best to focus on self improvement, which will in turn affect all those with whom I associate on a regular basis. A domino effect of sorts.
    Smart Man
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    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  10. #10
    Senior Member hazelsees's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    Why do some INFJ's do this?

    Is it because they themselves want to be saved? a form of white knight syndrome?


    What's the deal?
    Are you talking about people who already need to be “saved” from something specific (or not necessarily specific) OR people who are heading down a “wrong” path and will need to be saved once they reach Destination Hell. People who want to be saved or want to be left alone?
    People in distress cause me to feel distress too. I’ve learned to put up barriers, though, and that helps. At one time, I would confuse others’ emotions with my own and was always drained. Maybe in some ways, it’s a selfish thing. Let me save you and fix you, and then your emotions and pain won’t seep into me. I’m speaking for myself, obviously, not all INFJs. So, empathy might not be such a warm and kind thing after all. Maybe. I don’t know. Still trying to figure this out myself.
    It’s not just people either. Animals too. I even feel for things that aren’t alive.
    Anyway…
    If someone acts bugged by my advice, I back off immediately. I’m very aware of being annoying and never want to be. If someone wants help, I help and then help and then help some more. Needy people seem to seek me out.
    Maybe INFJs who are E4s are the ones who want to be saved. One thing that struck me in the E4 description is they desire to attract a rescuer. That is familiar to me…and very embarrassing to admit. I’m not even sure what I’ve ever wanted to be saved from really. Fictional characters that I’ve been obsessed with from childhood, were always rescuers.
    Hoping that answers your question and makes sense. I have so many thoughts on this subject that it’s difficult to be concise and not ramble.

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