I've searched the "INFJ Common Issues Thread" for the words "contradict," but have found no direct mention of this. Perhaps I need to continue searching.
What should I make of seemingly contradictory statements and emotions from INFJs? Do I consider them to be just complex emotions? Is this typical INFJ behavior like them expressing mixed feelings? Certainly, feelings and relationships aren't black and white, so it isn't weird for someone to express mixed emotions on a given situation. However, some of the things that I've experienced from INFJs in particular seem really contradictory and I'm confused.
Two situations in particular with INFJs have confounded me:
An INFJ ex and I had a history of hurting each other. The feelings of hurt and anger turned cyclical and caused us to fight every so often. Just as things would be going good, one of us would rehash something that occurred years prior.
During fights or just shortly afterwards as we tried to pick up the pieces, he would give confounding statements. At this point, we were trying to work on our friendship. He would accuse me of being in love and keeping him around just to marry him, he would flirt and make me gifts (things he did when we first got together) but then claim he didn't love me, or he would claim that I never loved him and made him feel inadequate.
I worked with an INFJ who was lead on a project. We quickly became close. At one point, she lashed out that I was aggressive and had hurt her many times. We exchanged words and stopped talking. I sent her a letter apologizing, but never heard from her. She told other people that I hurt her and she was over it. During one of our last conversations, I mentioned a few things for a project I needed to get. After we stopped talking, these items showed up on my desk, so I figured it had to be her (I hadn't mentioned it to anyone else). When I became lead, she told a teammate of mine positive things about me and said she wanted to rebuild our relationship.