User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 17

  1. #1
    Member EndlessNameless's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    68

    Default Building the wall batween me and other people!

    So I've noticed I have a big problem with openning up to people and with making the first steps in social interaction.
    When I am in a new colective, I sit quiet and wait for someone to start the conversation with me. If anyone won't do that, I am capeable of just sitting with grumpy face and cursing the world how unfair it is, that noone noticed me, even though I didn't do anything for make myself more noticable. I just won't stand up and try to make some contact...I just can't do that. I don't speak with anyone, who won't speak with me first. Than...When someone comes to me, and starts the conversation I feel like I start to build this wall around me, despertly stay in my intime and private zone, and I get this pose like..."I don't care about you, because I know you don't care about me". The thing is just...I am extremly afraid of rejection. I feel like everyone judge me and my actions all the time and I am afraid if I open up more, they will also start to judge me more. I keep a distance from everyone...I think to someone it might seem like I am arrogant and selfish. I want to change this! I want to be more open to people. I want to stop building the wall between me and them, but I don't know how. I really feel like I need to get closer to people around me, I just don't know how to beat this 4ish feeling of castaway.

  2. #2
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    intp
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx
    Posts
    7,823

    Default

    Sorry if this sounds obvious, not helpful or what ever bad stuff, but only thing you really can do is to stop doing that :/ . Im definitely not saying that its easy to change this sort of attitude, it just requires you to pay conscious attention to what you are doing and do the opposite even if it feels wrong, stupid, dangerous or what ever.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  3. #3
    Member EndlessNameless's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    68

    Default

    The thing is just to know how can I stop doing it :-/ ... BTW: @INTP your avatar kinda remindes me on one singer, that I like...I am just corious who is it? I can't see his face :-/

  4. #4
    your resident asshole
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    4,404

    Default

    Welcome to my world!

    If you really don't know how to make the first steps yourself and you are super serious about this, you could try going to a therapist or counselor or something. I have no idea if they actually help, though.


  5. #5
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    intp
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx
    Posts
    7,823

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EndlessNameless View Post
    The thing is just to know how can I stop doing it :-/ ... BTW: INTP your avatar kinda remindes me on one singer, that I like...I am just corious who is it? I can't see his face :-/
    Max Cavalera

    Well first thing you could do is when you notice you are starting to have a grumpy face, try to lose it for example thinking about something funny or other things that brings a smile on your face. Those things you use to build a wall, try to do the opposite when you notice that you start doing it. etc etc. i dont really have much any helpful tips for that, its just things you need to figure on your own or see a therapist if you think its that bad and you arent able to do anything about it. But the thing with this sort of therapy is that its cognitive behavior therapy, which basically just tells you to go to talk to people and not build walls but tries to also convince you that its okay and start with baby steps.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  6. #6
    Member EnflamedHeartofSand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    infp
    Enneagram
    4w9
    Posts
    47

    Default

    I understand how you feel. Maybe you feel like you have nothing of value to say to anyone, or that you'll be judged, and found out for being inexperienced, foolish, or whatever it is that you feel can't be expressed to any given stranger. But you shouldn't feel that way. You are a unique individual, in actuality. No one else is you, and has grown up with your exact experiences. Often though, before we are able to recognize the value of our own uniqueness, we have to ultimately accept the value of other people's and not feel like we are in competition with them.
    Do you have friends with whom you are totally open and friendly? Has anyone ever initiated a conversation with you? What were they like?

  7. #7
    Member EndlessNameless's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    68

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    Max Cavalera

    Well first thing you could do is when you notice you are starting to have a grumpy face, try to lose it for example thinking about something funny or other things that brings a smile on your face. Those things you use to build a wall, try to do the opposite when you notice that you start doing it. etc etc. i dont really have much any helpful tips for that, its just things you need to figure on your own or see a therapist if you think its that bad and you arent able to do anything about it. But the thing with this sort of therapy is that its cognitive behavior therapy, which basically just tells you to go to talk to people and not build walls but tries to also convince you that its okay and start with baby steps.
    yeap...Sepultura. On the picture he actually reminded me on singer from In Flames (if you know the band) . I don't really think it is that bad I'd need a therapist. I have friends, I have my group of people, I don't sit at home and I am not a loner, just the problem is... When I am surrounded by my old and well known friends I feel god and secure and I can make new friends easier. But when I am surrounded by strangers, or I am not around my friends, I feel insecure in social situations and mostly in bigger groups, I just have the boundary that won't let me make the contact...I don't know why and where does it come from. My problem is not, that I wouldn't have friends and social life...I'd say I am the right opossite of this...It is just hard for me to make new friends, I am kinda afraid of people in some way and I mostly can't get involved in social life of bigger groups...like in school.

  8. #8
    Member EndlessNameless's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp
    Socionics
    INFj
    Posts
    68

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    Max Cavalera

    Well first thing you could do is when you notice you are starting to have a grumpy face, try to lose it for example thinking about something funny or other things that brings a smile on your face. Those things you use to build a wall, try to do the opposite when you notice that you start doing it. etc etc. i dont really have much any helpful tips for that, its just things you need to figure on your own or see a therapist if you think its that bad and you arent able to do anything about it. But the thing with this sort of therapy is that its cognitive behavior therapy, which basically just tells you to go to talk to people and not build walls but tries to also convince you that its okay and start with baby steps.
    yeap...Sepultura. On the picture he actually reminded me on singer from In Flames (if you know the band) . I don't really think it is that bad I'd need a therapist. I have friends, I have my group of people, I don't sit at home and I am not a loner, just the problem is... When I am surrounded by my old and well known friends I feel god and secure and I can make new friends easier. But when I am surrounded by strangers, or I am not around my friends, I feel insecure in social situations and mostly in bigger groups, I just have the boundary that won't let me make the contact...I don't know why and where does it come from. My problem is not, that I wouldn't have friends and social life...I'd say I am the right opossite of this...It is just hard for me to make new friends, I am kinda afraid of people in some way and I mostly can't get involved in social life of bigger groups...like in school.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    2 so/sx
    Posts
    455

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EndlessNameless View Post
    I feel like everyone judge me and my actions all the time and I am afraid if I open up more, they will also start to judge me more.
    Judge you to be what?

  10. #10
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sp
    Posts
    2,757

    Default

    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

Similar Threads

  1. [Enneagram] The Enneagram - Understanding Yourself and Others in Your Life (Helen Palmer)
    By highlander in forum Typology and Psychology Book Reviews
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 04-08-2014, 09:01 PM
  2. [NT] What's the difference betwen me and you?
    By Risen in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 10-14-2009, 08:35 AM
  3. Ghost Stories (and Other Tales of the Uncanny)
    By Oberon in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 12-30-2008, 01:08 AM
  4. [NT] Me and the (Semi-)Creepy Dude Connection
    By ZiL in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 12-08-2008, 12:35 AM
  5. Suggestions for new fines, charges and other changes for the sake of common sense.
    By Xander in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: 10-24-2008, 06:35 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO