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  1. #11
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
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    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

  2. #12
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    What it is, exactly, that makes you afraid of these people and their rejection?

    If they do reject you, what will happen to you? Will it have a very substantial impact on your happiness and self-actualization?


  3. #13
    Senior Member sulfit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EndlessNameless View Post
    So I've noticed I have a big problem with openning up to people and with making the first steps in social interaction.
    When I am in a new colective, I sit quiet and wait for someone to start the conversation with me. If anyone won't do that, I am capeable of just sitting with grumpy face and cursing the world how unfair it is, that noone noticed me, even though I didn't do anything for make myself more noticable.
    Have you determined your instinct stacking? May be you are sx/sp and with secondary self-preservation instinct you would indeed build a wall around yourself.

  4. #14
    Member EndlessNameless's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sulfit View Post
    Have you determined your instinct stacking? May be you are sx/sp and with secondary self-preservation instinct you would indeed build a wall around yourself.
    Actually I have to admit I am a little bit confused with my instict stacking. For the first time I've heard of it I thought I am for sure 4w5 so/sp, but now I feel more like sp/so, but I am not sure about the sx. I don't think it's that strong...

  5. #15
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    I can understand. I too feel like I have built this wall around me and only very few people throughout my life have been allowed past that wall. I also feel like if people really knew me, they would reject me, so I don't give them that chance to do that. I have really struggled with this all of my life. Even on forums, I tend to keep to myself.

  6. #16
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Communication needs practice. Like you just started talking to intp about sepultura, you could do with others outside. Just ask them about clues you pick up about them and then come into contact and have prolonged chats. At the beginning it requires practice and you'll often feel like you were doing it like a complete idiot, but later on you'll care less about how you come across and grow more confident.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  7. #17
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I've had this issue.... It's still really hard for me to initiate with people & cultivate an open, approachable demeanor.

    Some advice I've received that helped me:
    -Focus on other people, what they say/do, instead of your own inner state. Become absorbed in them. As you do this, you will be more natural. Self-consciousness & self-absorption is killing you right now. Practice being observant of others & your environment & vocalizing positive comments. People like being noticed & talking about themselves. Sometimes all you have to do is make an observation or ask a question.

    -Recognize your own feelings as rather universal. Others sometimes also feel awkward, scared of rejection, nervous, invisible, etc, & they say stupid things & make mistakes. You will really see this when you focus more on them rather than amplifying your inner state. Be empathetic towards others & ease their uncomfortableness & fears as you might like someone to do for you. Remember that most are too focused on themselves also to be scrutinizing you.

    - People generally don't like someone for their traits so much as how that person makes them feel. They may remember more that you listened to them, took a personal interest in them, made them feel funny/smart/cool more than that you said interesting things and you seemed funny/smart/cool. So this takes a burden off of you. Just be interested.

    - I realize there is a vulnerability in the above because as a 4, you may feel your interest in others & your endeavors to connect are unwanted. You may feel too insignificant to feel your attention has any value to others. This is false, and start repeating to yourself that you have something of significance to give to others & that many will be gratified by your attention. When you show interest in others, you are not asking them to confirm you matter, you're confirming that they matter to you. This one is still hard for me to get past; I still almost never initiate because of it. Not projecting my inner critic onto others help. Give yourself more positive inner dialogue & weed out the overly critical feelings towards yourself & you may find you don't feel judged so much by others, which will leave you less inhibited.

    - Practice on people who make you feel less vulnerable. Low risk people are often those you may never see again or who have to be nice to you because it's their job . Try people at checkouts in shops, old people, children... people who may get overlooked. This requires being more observant again, which is a great practice for 4s anyhow (get our of your had & feelings). This way, you can polish some social skills in the area of initiating and small talk (necessary evils) without too much humiliation.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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