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  1. #1
    Member EndlessNameless's Avatar
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    Default How socially skilled you really are?

    NFs in general are described as people oriented, likeable, and socially skilled. I think it's half true.
    I am an ENFP and I like company of others, I am sociable, but I literaly wouldn't call myself socially skilled. I still think this is a gift of Se people. Mostly ESFPs and ESTPs. Because of their Se, they can easily adabt to community and are well aware of current situation and "what's going" in the moment. I've noticed that intuitive people react on things like that a little bit slower. It's better for Fe people, becauce they can use their empathy and instict to feel what's going on in social situations, but it is also more complicated for Fi, to stay aware of sociaty rules and acceptations. So here is a question for you. How socially skilled do you consider yourself? Don't you think, that intuitives have it harder in social groups, than sensors?

  2. #2
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yeah, while I can get by just fine, I find that the more people that are added to the mix, the harder it is to interact with everyone, because I have to process not only my interaction, but how that interaction affects all of the different people there, as well as how they are interacting with each other.

    At the best of times, I have slow processing that makes my interaction style with any given person the result of our last exchange rather than the current one. I do alright one on one or in a small group of people I know well, but in larger groups, I am not able to be smooth and easy with everyone.

    I tend to want to know what to expect from an exchange first, which sometimes can make for other people feeling like I am shy, intimidating or quietly judging them, which is not at all the case. I need observation time before I feel comfortable getting my own feet wet and that doesn't make for the kind of person that puts everyone at ease.

    I think I'm hospitable and pretty good at putting people at ease, but my lack of Se can make me rather oblivious to glaringly obvious details sometimes, which is sometimes embarrassing. I do best if I am co-hosting with someone who notices a lot more of the practical/physical details and I can deal with emotional tone and making them feel valued as guests.

  3. #3
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I am the last to get social gossip and information.. which is really the only piece of evidence I need to know that while I am getting information and I am in a group, I am no where near the social butterfly of our group. Talking to total strangers in a friendly way can still make me quite nervous.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
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  4. #4
    Senior Member Abbey's Avatar
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    Many of my ESFP friends are socially unskilled because they are extremely hyper-focused in the moment. Most of the thoughts they express are along the lines of 'I'm hungry' or 'My foot hurts'. They tend to not filter out the small details of life that (this may sound harsh) no one but them cares about.
    ESTP's seem semi-socially skilled; I would say they are entertaining and people are drawn to them, but sometimes aren't aware of certain boundaries. That can also continue to entertain and draw people to them though haha
    NF's can gauge a situation and generate a better reaction than sensors. They may not react at all or as quickly because NFs all seem a bit shy, save ENFJs.

    It is also more complicated for Fi, to stay aware of sociaty rules and acceptations.

    Personally, this applies to me as I don't always comply to a group's values if it doesn't match my own.

  5. #5
    Member EndlessNameless's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I am the last to get social gossip and information..
    I am not really into gossipis. I found them stupid, fake, and a "small town" thing. I believe everyone has the right for his own privacy and caring too much about someone else's business, just proof how poor social life that slanderer has. So I've always stayed as far as I could from this part of social interaction.
    And about the infromation...I am almost always the last one reacting. Everyone esle just know what to do and I am still like "Wha? What is going on right now?"

  6. #6
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EndlessNameless View Post
    I am not really into gossipis. I found them stupid, fake, and a "small town" thing. I believe everyone has the right for his own privacy and caring too much about someone else's business, just proof how poor social life that slanderer has. So I've always stayed as far as I could from this part of social interaction.
    And about the infromation...I am almost always the last one reacting. Everyone esle just know what to do and I am still like "Wha? What is going on right now?"
    Regardless of how you feel towards gossip, it says something about your position socially how involved you are into it. If people don't really come to you with information, they generally don't feel comfortable giving it to you for whatever reason (they don't feel you'll care, they think you'll over react, you aren't someone they confide those sort of things in, etc.). I've never fostered a mentality where anyone outside of my close friends feel comfortable coming to me with things they've heard. I don't know why, but it's always been that way. For example, at my work it is my responsibility to weed out gossip and squash it--it is hard to do that if I don't even know what's being said by who. There's several reason for hearing gossip.. just not many for spreading it.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

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    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  7. #7
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I'm better than I used to be but still have quite a ways to go to consider myself good. I don't easily pick up things like subtle body language signs, which I think is more in the realm of Se. Also being inferior Fe, it took me awhile to grasp the conventionally accepted social protocol. I was thought to have had Aspergers when younger.

    With time and experience, I got better and make far less social gaffes. In some ways I'm socially skilled now, in other ways less so.

    To sum it up, my social strengths include:
    Listening to what others have to say and not interrupting
    Being considerate of others' points of view
    To some extent, Fe has taught me to put on a good 'front'. Act interested and caring even though I really don't.

    My social weaknesses include:
    Don't always grasp subtle body language cues
    Not so good at small talk or quickly coming up with something to say on my feet.
    Mind tends to wander when people talk about subjects not of interest to me.
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  8. #8
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I have poor group skills. I don't know how to be a part of conversations in this style. I tend to zero in on individuals (which looks creepy or clingy, or so I fear) or just fade into the walls. The latter is too often read as snobbery and not shyness. I also often feel isolated and alienated in groups; it will seem like others find common ground with each other much more easily. I can't bring myself to adopt an attitude I don't feel.

    And while few enjoy small talk, they may still be good at it. I'm not, and that's a problem. I'm better at mimicking the expected stuff to say than I used to be, but then I just seem kind of like a dull drone. I also can read people's inner states okay, but I don't pick up on how they want to interact (which are two different things).

    I also have some mild social anxiety, am generally reserved, and other times just can't be bothered. I push myself more, but it feels awkward a lot of the time. Still, I take a personal interest in people (which I didn't used to do), see many viewpoints easily, and I'm a good listener.

    I do pretty well in close relationships. I make friends much more easily now than when I was younger, but I've never had a problem developing and maintaining a close relationship once it's established. I'm not someone who usually has drama in my life or a revolving door of relationships. I consider this a skill because it's not just about initial connections, charm, and impressiveness. I'm valued over time with people, be it friends or employers, but I must make poor first impressions, because getting in the door is not easy. It's not unusual for close friends to tell me they had a different view of me when we first met than after they got to know me.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  9. #9
    Riva
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    @OrangeAppled

    Don't others try to connect with you? In male groups people can just choose to tag along without connecting (even if one fails to connect). I connect extremely easily in small groups. In larger groups, I try my best to stay in the background, because 'large' male groups are such a hierarchy is quickly built and one has to get in line. (I'm not going to elaborate here.)

    However I find the need - eventhough don't have a need to emotionally bond - to strike a relationship with those who seem to be in the corner all the time. Hmm.. Maybe it's only with the people i'm curious of or like.

    So the questions are; don't others try to connect with you? Is that not a culture in female relationships? (Is it either you join hands, giggle and go shopping with us or else you are not invited to gossip with us?)

  10. #10
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    @Riva

    Yeah, of course people do. I try to also....I'm just not good at it. I'm better than I used to be. An INFP birdie whispered in my ear once that I had the power to make people feel significant or insignificant too. I mulled over that a bit & saw a clear connection to how my shyness was misinterpreted.

    There's something about women ( :cough: Fe stereotype :cough: ) where consensus is vital to harmony. So if you don't "me too" constantly then they see you as a discordant element. The emotional aspect is usually my foot in the door, but it's done best in a small setting.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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