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Thread: How socially skilled you really are?

  1. #41
    Senior Member Array Porcelain Hearts's Avatar
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    Jan 2012


    Socializing wasn't always natural for me. It wasn't until I experienced a very tumultuous relationship that I grounded myself with a fixed confidence.
    I strike up conversations anywhere and if I can make a stranger laugh, it makes my entire day...
    And a good story (ENFPs love to tell a good story).

    However, in big groups, it takes great skill to "harmonize" the number of wavelengths that I recognize in a room. I feel like most Sensors can follow a single topic in a group, but NFs I believe pick up the rooting, analyzing "why-who-how-when" around the topic, which confuses even an ENFP like me to say something appropriate (in addition to being enneagram 4 - always wanting to say something original).
    I tend to prefer one on one for this reason.

    NF's emotional intellect can become roaring traffic in our minds. That's why NTs who aren't trained to empathize, don't need to compromise what they want to say and can just say whatever comes to mind.

  2. #42
    yap yap yap Array xenaprincess's Avatar
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    Oct 2011


    I'm surprisingly good with social situations, even mingling, but only if I have to be there, ie; work functions.
    I can be very detached at times and just generally 'nice'. Friendly. Wanting people to feel good.

    however, I am not good when dealing with conflict situations where I feel threatened in some way. There is a battle within between wanting to come off as nice/fair vs. my actual thoughts. Then I leave, feeling inner turmoil for hours....

  3. #43
    Permabanned Array
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    Aug 2010


    If we're gonna attribute it to type, I think E2's, E3's and E7's are the most "socially skilled"

  4. #44
    Member Array GreatBigCranberries's Avatar
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    May 2013


    Quote Originally Posted by EndlessNameless View Post
    So here is a question for you. How socially skilled do you consider yourself?
    Socially retarded. Most of the time I do know what it is that's expected of me, but when I try to actually do that I'm very clumsy and awkward. I try to include a third person in a conversation by making eye contact with them as well, but my timing is off and instead I send the signal that they should stay out of it. I really like and admire someone, but because I'm shy (and/or tired, and/or depressed) they think I hate them. I want to start a conversation with a person, but when I try to think of something appropriate to say my mind is blank, so I stand there silent and useless. This is not helped by the fact that if I have nothing to say I have nothing to say.

    Quote Originally Posted by EndlessNameless View Post
    Don't you think, that intuitives have it harder in social groups, than sensors?
    Yes. My mother is an ESFJ, and a social butterfly. She's warm, outgoing, friendly, genuinely cares about what's going on in people's lives (even if she just met you), and likes everyone. She can (and will) start a conversation with anyone. Though that doesn't mean she's totally confident in her skills. She worries a lot after-the-fact about whether she should have done something differently, or if she offended someone, or was too prying, or, or, or... but these fears are almost universally groundless; most people find her adorable.

    What I think makes the difference is that her self-consciousness comes only when she's stopped socializing and had time to think it over, so she's comfortable and confident while she's actually engaged with someone. I, on the other hand, am self-conscious while I'm actually trying to talk to someone. I know that the thing I'm currently supposed to do is part of a social protocol that serves _____ purpose. So if I'm, say, trying to show concern for someone, I know how I'm supposed to do it, but I feel like I'm following a bunch of rules to pretend to show concern, instead of expressing the actual concern I feel. But if I don't follow the social protocol then the other person misunderstands. So I'm divided and hesitating, and this leads to a lot of social clumsiness.

    I'm wondering if all of this has to do with S vs N, or is some of it Fe vs Fi?

  5. #45
    Senior Member Array
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    Jun 2013
    468 sx/so
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    Quote Originally Posted by EndlessNameless View Post
    NFs in general are described as people oriented, likeable, and socially skilled.
    I have a hard enough time seeing myself in xNFP I hear that people see me this way? That's like...Um, LOL, no. Not me.

    I'm not a people person. I'm not likeable. And due to years of ostracism and living alone, my social skills resemble those of a feral cat picking through the garbage after dark.

    Many strangers perceive me as "too quiet", a shadow on the wall. I'm habitually commented on for "not mingling" and "always being alone". Or else--I'm perceived as a flamboyant, over-mercurial headcase, just depending on the situation and the chemistry of the people I am interacting with. Either way, the likeability and people skills are Nil. I go from place to place friendless, sometimes obnoxious, and disliked.

    So here is a question for you. How socially skilled do you consider yourself?
    Well, see above. My big challenge in life has been developing "social skills". I think I've actually come a long way in socializing myself...but it's just sort of a facade I've developed to con people into getting what I want from them (I admit it). I can't keep that up forever. I'm still a feral cat rummaging through the remnants. I can work my way through any situation, but it's a strategy rather than an innate skill.

    I HAVE no social skills. I'll never see myself any other way.

    Don't you think, that intuitives have it harder in social groups, than sensors?
    No. I don't. I have it harder in remembering my keys, misplacing things, and keeping my personal space tidy. But I don't blame my social awkwardness on being an intuitive.

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