[MBTI General] How socially skilled you really are?

[Porcelain Hearts]

Socializing wasn't always natural for me. It wasn't until I experienced a very tumultuous relationship that I grounded myself with a fixed confidence.
I strike up conversations anywhere and if I can make a stranger laugh, it makes my entire day...
And a good story (ENFPs love to tell a good story).

However, in big groups, it takes great skill to "harmonize" the number of wavelengths that I recognize in a room. I feel like most Sensors can follow a single topic in a group, but NFs I believe pick up the rooting, analyzing "why-who-how-when" around the topic, which confuses even an ENFP like me to say something appropriate (in addition to being enneagram 4 - always wanting to say something original).
I tend to prefer one on one for this reason.

NF's emotional intellect can become roaring traffic in our minds. That's why NTs who aren't trained to empathize, don't need to compromise what they want to say and can just say whatever comes to mind.

 

[xenaprincess]

I'm surprisingly good with social situations, even mingling, but only if I have to be there, ie; work functions.
I can be very detached at times and just generally 'nice'. Friendly. Wanting people to feel good.

however, I am not good when dealing with conflict situations where I feel threatened in some way. There is a battle within between wanting to come off as nice/fair vs. my actual thoughts. Then I leave, feeling inner turmoil for hours....

 

[Azure Flame]

If we're gonna attribute it to type, I think E2's, E3's and E7's are the most "socially skilled"

 

[GreatBigCranberries]

So here is a question for you. How socially skilled do you consider yourself?

Socially retarded. Most of the time I do know what it is that's expected of me, but when I try to actually do that I'm very clumsy and awkward. I try to include a third person in a conversation by making eye contact with them as well, but my timing is off and instead I send the signal that they should stay out of it. I really like and admire someone, but because I'm shy (and/or tired, and/or depressed) they think I hate them. I want to start a conversation with a person, but when I try to think of something appropriate to say my mind is blank, so I stand there silent and useless. This is not helped by the fact that if I have nothing to say I have nothing to say.

Don't you think, that intuitives have it harder in social groups, than sensors?

Yes. My mother is an ESFJ, and a social butterfly. She's warm, outgoing, friendly, genuinely cares about what's going on in people's lives (even if she just met you), and likes everyone. She can (and will) start a conversation with anyone. Though that doesn't mean she's totally confident in her skills. She worries a lot after-the-fact about whether she should have done something differently, or if she offended someone, or was too prying, or, or, or... but these fears are almost universally groundless; most people find her adorable.

What I think makes the difference is that her self-consciousness comes only when she's stopped socializing and had time to think it over, so she's comfortable and confident while she's actually engaged with someone. I, on the other hand, am self-conscious while I'm actually trying to talk to someone. I know that the thing I'm currently supposed to do is part of a social protocol that serves _____ purpose. So if I'm, say, trying to show concern for someone, I know how I'm supposed to do it, but I feel like I'm following a bunch of rules to pretend to show concern, instead of expressing the actual concern I feel. But if I don't follow the social protocol then the other person misunderstands. So I'm divided and hesitating, and this leads to a lot of social clumsiness.

I'm wondering if all of this has to do with S vs N, or is some of it Fe vs Fi?

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

NFs in general are described as people oriented, likeable, and socially skilled.

I have a hard enough time seeing myself in xNFP descriptions...now I hear that people see me this way? That's like...Um, LOL, no. Not me.

I'm not a people person. I'm not likeable. And due to years of ostracism and living alone, my social skills resemble those of a feral cat picking through the garbage after dark.

Many strangers perceive me as "too quiet", a shadow on the wall. I'm habitually commented on for "not mingling" and "always being alone". Or else--I'm perceived as a flamboyant, over-mercurial headcase, just depending on the situation and the chemistry of the people I am interacting with. Either way, the likeability and people skills are Nil. I go from place to place friendless, sometimes obnoxious, and disliked.

So here is a question for you. How socially skilled do you consider yourself?

Well, see above. My big challenge in life has been developing "social skills". I think I've actually come a long way in socializing myself...but it's just sort of a facade I've developed to con people into getting what I want from them (I admit it). I can't keep that up forever. I'm still a feral cat rummaging through the remnants. I can work my way through any situation, but it's a strategy rather than an innate skill.

I HAVE no social skills. I'll never see myself any other way.

Don't you think, that intuitives have it harder in social groups, than sensors?

No. I don't. I have it harder in remembering my keys, misplacing things, and keeping my personal space tidy. But I don't blame my social awkwardness on being an intuitive.

 

[Froody Blue Gem]

I've gotten better and know basics but, I'm not really all that socially skilled-- at all. Approaching people doesn't come all that naturally to me and I'm an awkward conversationalist. I get nervous about approaching and initiating because I don't want to say the wrong thing, and I am prone to things coming out of my mouth in the way I did not intend them to. I am very empathetic and can see both of the sides of a coin but am far from perfect. I like people, my fe helps to navigate through situations but I need time away from people too. When things go by quickly such a microexpressions, some things admittedly go over my head. I am a bit slower at picking up on things like that.

 

[Zhaylin]

I have gotten MUCH better. My husband is very rough around the edges. He talks very softly in social situations (more like mumbles). He's very quick to criticize and gets annoyed easily. But even if he's in a grand mood, people tend to misunderstand him.
We've been together for almost 21 years. I've learned to sort of take charge even though it doesn't come naturally to me. My need for harmony is greater than my need for isolation. I need people to have a pleasant experience.

I make a great first impression. I'm very approachable, kindhearted and a great listener. So, when I'm with my husband in social situations it's usually work related or with his kids (grown up and living out of state). I'm perfect for those times. With work, it's usually other Dr's or drug reps. His son is extremely extraverted, his daughter is artistic. Ask a few questions at the right time and all of those people will do 98% of the talking

When I'm on my own, I socialize mostly with store employees (I have no friends). I hear all of the gossip, work problems, customer problems, love life issues. I just let the other person vent and do all the talking. Personally, I'm not a fan of gossip unless it's positive or helpful. I understand other people need to vent though, so I just take it all in.

With my family, I'm good for about 10 minutes. Then there are too many silences and it's just awkward.

In other words, place me with extraverts and I'm fine. I can watch their body language, listen to what they say, ask a few questions and they take it from there. Around other introverts though, it's a nightmare. I'm not interesting or intellectual enough to carry the conversation (I can talk about video games, tv shows, and religion in depth, but that's about it.)

 

[Maou]

I have learned a lot from my ESTP, and on my own. I know more about the rules, than actually DOING the socializing. I feel clumsy and awkward, and sometimes freeze up. My hyper sensitivity and anxiety leaves me extremely sick if I am in a new environment all day around people. So generally my first day of a new job etc. leaves me hugging a trashcan. But once I am used to it, I am fine.

 

[Earl Grey]

My experience in the social realm is "I have no idea what I'm doing but people like it"
Also, it wholly depends on what kind of crowd it is. I won't mingle with every crowd.

I'd say I'm decent. Not wholly terrible but not one of the best you'd see.

 

[Population: 1]

I know how to socialize. I don’t care to very often but I definitely know how to figure out quickly who has what clout, if any and all the cues and how to read even the most subtle emotional giveaways. How did I learn when my natural inclination is to abstain from social situations? Years of observation. You can learn quite a lot from simply watching others interact and I started observing early on.

So I can play the game. However, I choose often to be unimpressed (genuinely) when I’m obviously supposed to be wowed. I can’t (won’t) muster feigned reactions and if I dislike someone, they’ll know it. All the fakery and ass kissing is a real turnoff for me.

It has definitely cost me opportunities at times but I can leave an interaction knowing I wasn’t presenting illusions and selling people rainbows. It’s easier to live with imo.

 

[Betty Blue]

Above average but not that specially skilled. Pretty much sums up most areas for me. Although I'm pretty rubbish in some stuff.

 

[gllg]

Socializing wasn't always natural for me. It wasn't until I experienced a very tumultuous relationship that I grounded myself with a fixed confidence.
I strike up conversations anywhere and if I can make a stranger laugh, it makes my entire day...
And a good story (ENFPs love to tell a good story).

However, in big groups, it takes great skill to "harmonize" the number of wavelengths that I recognize in a room. I feel like most Sensors can follow a single topic in a group, but NFs I believe pick up the rooting, analyzing "why-who-how-when" around the topic, which confuses even an ENFP like me to say something appropriate (in addition to being enneagram 4 - always wanting to say something original).
I tend to prefer one on one for this reason.

NF's emotional intellect can become roaring traffic in our minds. That's why NTs who aren't trained to empathize, don't need to compromise what they want to say and can just say whatever comes to mind.

I can totally relate to that!

I was social in the past, I was quite guarded really! If i were to go to a party, I would be the one hanging out only with the known friends and avoided strangers. The I had a sort of middle age crisis in my 30s and I improved myself to the point where I can just talk to anyone and bond with them in different ways.

I lately was thinkng that even though ESFPs are said to be the best to interact with other people, I find that their interactions have usually no depth so most of the times they make acquaintances more than friends, whereas I find myself more prone to creating bonding friendships (not all the time, mind you) than them.

What do you guys think?