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  1. #31
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    I'm not good with groups, I tend to do to better in smaller ones and 1-1. INFPs I know are likeable because of their laid-back demeanour and ENFPs tend to be very engaging and charming. Not many ENFJs do I know. I think this depends on the instinctual varieties stacking as well, like so is my last so I'm only now starting to pick up on the importance of that one.

  2. #32
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    I'm not skilled in groups but I'm horrible in one-on-one! (With a stranger, I should point out.) It just weirds me out and makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm especially bad at going up to someone and asking anything---particularly "Would you like to buy this?" "Would you like to donate to....?" I feel like I'm imposing or like I'm personally reaching into their pocket and stealing all their money. O.O (what if they need that money for something else? what if their kid's in the hospital and they can't afford it? what if THEY actually need MY money more than I need their's? Paranoia spirals on in the way the "I hate it when people pour my cereal" meme goes.)

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    I'm not good with groups, I tend to do to better in smaller ones and 1-1. INFPs I know are likeable because of their laid-back demeanour and ENFPs tend to be very engaging and charming. Not many ENFJs do I know. I think this depends on the instinctual varieties stacking as well, like so is my last so I'm only now starting to pick up on the importance of that one.
    Do you still believe in magical thinking and bronze age mythology? Heven't we evolved? Okay so I am not skilled in groups either. So what? I like to take control of things and do it my way. Or the highway. Who doesn't?

  4. #34
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    I'm an ENFJ, most likely. The INFPs I know tend not to speak up very much in group settings at all. They observe, they analyze...when they believe the group is acting with improper values, they feel profoundly upset and refuse to participate. I think they often idealize people who are socially adept and can act with the warmth and goodness that they feel inside. INFJs can go pretty under the radar too. They may deeply, stubbornly disagree but wait until called upon to voice their opinions. ENFPs...I find that they have more acquaintances than I do, but they can often get spooked in openly emotional situations and don't know whether X or Y would make the situation better. For example, I find that an ENFP friend of mine who doesn't know what to say to comfort people even though I think she wishes she knew how. And ENFJs, I find that there are confident ones who come off as being very skilled socially and in control of social situations. And more shy ones who play more of an "observer" role because they're unsure of themselves and how others will perceive them.

  5. #35
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    people say i'm better at it than i perceive myself to be, but at the same time, i get told that i shouldn't say certain things aloud.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  6. #36
    Member subwayrider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abbey View Post
    Many of my ESFP friends are socially unskilled because they are extremely hyper-focused in the moment. Most of the thoughts they express are along the lines of 'I'm hungry' or 'My foot hurts'. They tend to not filter out the small details of life that (this may sound harsh) no one but them cares about.
    ESTP's seem semi-socially skilled; I would say they are entertaining and people are drawn to them, but sometimes aren't aware of certain boundaries. That can also continue to entertain and draw people to them though haha
    NF's can gauge a situation and generate a better reaction than sensors. They may not react at all or as quickly because NFs all seem a bit shy, save ENFJs.
    Statistically, according to Thomson, ESPs enjoy the most effortless and far-reaching social connection of all the types. I think it really comes down to (the people in) your environment. Most Americans are supposed to be Sensors, so it's no surprise that those who lead with Extraverted Sensation will find it easiest to relate to people. Outgoingness and the ability to live in the moment are also the cultural ideal to a great extent, with which ESPs will easily meld.

    But, say you're in a room full of only NFs, what then? Well, thence, relating to people requires being on their wavelength -- the ENFs will likely be the most socially able, and the INFs would have a much easier time relating to others than they normally do because...everyone in the entourage understands the world and self in a very similar way.

    It's all tied in with who's in the majority and what characteristics are lauded in your environment.

  7. #37
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    I've also discovered that I can enjoy hosting groups, but when I'm done with them I think, "Okay, that was fun, now go fuck off; leave immediately please."

    I haven't yet come up with a tactful way to 'push them out the door' without some trite, transparent concluding remark e.g. "Well, it was nice to see you!! I hope to see you again soon!!" This is one area where I am not socially skilled, but mostly because I'm at that point too tired to be tactful.

  8. #38
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    I've also discovered that I can enjoy hosting groups, but when I'm done with them I think, "Okay, that was fun, now go fuck off; leave immediately please."

    I haven't yet come up with a tactful way to 'push them out the door' without some trite, transparent concluding remark e.g. "Well, it was nice to see you!! I hope to see you again soon!!" This is one area where I am not socially skilled, but mostly because I'm at that point too tired to be tactful.
    how about "I like you, but I need to do so [insert something you need to do] it will be hella boring, you should just go I'll give you a call later this week" ?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  9. #39
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    I wouldn't say I'm completely socially inept, but I'm not adept. No one would ever call me smooth, and I can get nervous and start talking about myself which makes me look selfish, or I can start asking people questions, which some people take as interrogation. But, I'm okay. Personally I can enjoy fairly large groups for a few hours, and then I want to be by myself for at least 20 hours. I'm best one-on-one, then I'm in my element.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
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  10. #40
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    The social graces I do have atm didn't come naturally to me, for sure. But being focused on people does help develop the necessary ones, I find.

    What did come naturally to me from an early age was the ability to empathise, though nobody gave me the mother*** manual for the thing so it took me forever to wield that properly.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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