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  1. #21
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    By 'socially skilled' do you mean the ability to foresee and avoid social blunders, and also being able to read a situation to figure out what is appropriate? If so, then I am not all that great. If I am excited about a subject, I have a tendency to cut people off. If I smoke socially it is easier due to the pause between exhales. As an introvert I also have a tendency to fall off the map, even if I am active during social encounters. Thankfully I get stir-crazy, but I rarely feel a strong desire to just be with someone, especially outside of my circle of friends.

    I also struggle with knowing what might be awkward for others, since I can be comfortable talking about anything.

    One issue is that it is very hard to tell what the most appropriate path is, and usually the safest route is the one of politeness, which is not how I hide myself. I hide myself behind banter, which does not work in all situations.

    My strength? The ability to live and let live. I identify as an enneagram 9 after all (which seems to be common among male INFJs on this forum)
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  2. #22
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    i'm a bit awkward but mostly likable. pretty damn eccentric. mood management varies quite a bit (but seriously, if you look at other people, you realize that everyone's mood is kind of all over the place and shows in various ways).

    given that, i do okay. i'm great at one-on-one interactions with a relatively stable context (like a sit-down coffee date). it takes me a while to build a sense of rapport (especially when the mutual interest isn't just written all over the situation from the beginning). no one would mistake me for an extrovert, but most people who get good face time with me would think of me as an at times very lively, whimsical, intriguing person who is unlike anyone else they know and is very genuine (if quite ambiguous in communication). it's a strange role to play, but i'm getting better at it.

    i guess one other thing to note---i'm only good when i focus my criteria on that used for assessing authentic relationships. because i feel good about my ability to relate to people individually. when it comes to just stepping in to a social game with random participants and making something happen (/trying to win), i have below average ability to do so with an appreciable degree of self-efficacy. my distaste makes me uncomfortable (in actuality a cyclical process), which generally means i am cloyingly tethered to my identity and the self-consciousness that results.

    the only social game i've really practiced playing very often (as a game) is the excessively e5, academia-oriented one. each turn begins with the phrase, "well, actually..." i have a lot of relationships and ongoing games with writers. i think i'm getting better at learning the difference between the two.

  3. #23
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    I'm an INFP and I think I'm kind of socially awkward. I mean, I'm a high school senior and I'm not that popular. I guess I'd like to have more friends, but knowing how to act in social situations doesn't come naturally to me. Does that have to do with my type? I mean, I assume Introverts are generally less socially skilled than Extraverts are. But I've noticed that Thinkers are sometimes described as being uninterested in social interaction. I, on the other hand, want to have relationships with some other people but have trouble knowing how to initiate or build them. Is that common for Introverted Feelers?

  4. #24
    Senior Member Entropic's Avatar
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    My social awkwardness level is over 9000. And I leave it at that.

    I was waiting for the day you and I would meet.

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  5. #25
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Such Irony View Post
    To sum it up, my social strengths include:
    Listening to what others have to say and not interrupting
    Being considerate of others' points of view
    To some extent, Fe has taught me to put on a good 'front'. Act interested and caring even though I really don't.

    My social weaknesses include:
    Don't always grasp subtle body language cues
    Not so good at small talk or quickly coming up with something to say on my feet.
    Mind tends to wander when people talk about subjects not of interest to me.
    To follow this model:

    Strengths:
    Common courtesy, being polite, and generally considering the effects of my actions on others
    Not judging people by appearances, or even by first impressions
    Keeping commitments and confidences while not holding grudges

    Weaknesses:
    Oblivious of many/most nonverbal cues
    No confidence in my ability to read emotional states correctly, leading to
    Overreliance on rational approaches to social encounters
    Just plain not caring what other people think; I know alot of the usual scripts, but often can't be bothered to apply them.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  6. #26
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    It's hard to say because I live and breathe on cues and hints from others to create characters and storylines that build up validation for the fun of it rather than genuine interest, in this case, self-analysis goes "boing". But who turns down fun?

    How much did you save on that meal? Yeah, yeah, no-- I meant shower curtains. What? In reference to "the voices", we're talking about layers upon layers of expression that our brain's been exposed to and bathed in our entire life, shedding.

    I like thoughts to appear compact-like and neat, but inside they're bound up, incomplete phrases of 2 to 9 words that unpredictably slither out to finish each other or bang something they heard or anticipate. In that sense, we create our own timing but collectively defer that responsibility out of habit. Some are just born into this I guess.

    thinking of you

  7. #27
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    From an actor's standpoint, you learn to control and modify your visual presentation, i.e. colors, shapes, area to pivot with your verbal repertoire because otherwise it's like flooring a monster truck with the brakes on, and how to tap into the unfathomable power of the smile.

    Every e5 would stand to benefit from sales in that, specifically, it demands you master the art of the first impression and how, ultimately, the self is derived from nothing more than a conglomeration of impressions that cannot be defeated until someone juts their rifle in your mouth. Once you understand that everyone comes from one living, breathing entity without realizing it, Jack be nimble; Jack be quick-- you'll begin to flow with response and inquiry with some deftness, though it begins and ends with belief in the product.

    thinking of you

  8. #28
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sleuthiness View Post
    Every e5 would stand to benefit from sales in that, specifically, it demands you master the art of the first impression and how, ultimately, the self is derived from nothing more than a conglomeration of impressions that cannot be defeated until someone juts their rifle in your mouth. Once you understand that everyone comes from one living, breathing entity without realizing it, Jack be nimble; Jack be quick-- you'll begin to flow with response and inquiry with some deftness, though it begins and ends with belief in the product.
    Interesting that you mention this. I learned long ago to distrust my first impressions of people, after so often having them proven wrong after subsequent interactions. I now know to question that first impression, whether positive or negative, and to look deeper to learn what the person really is about. I have also tried to stay as far away from sales as I can get.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  9. #29
    Retired Nicki's Avatar
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    I manage to offend people a lot and I can be awkward but I'm fairly socially skilled. I know how to get along with others when I absolutely have to.
    I really like cats and food.

  10. #30
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    I have a bit of extrovert awkwardness -- more specifically, sometimes I forget where I'm going with a sentence, in the middle of the sentence, and sometimes I ramble without realizing that people are disinterested. (A trait that I probably got from my INTP father. ) Usually I recover from that well, by making a self-deprecating joke, so it works out fine.

    I used to be pretty bad at reacting to people when they were emotional -- something I talked about on the forum, a lot, in my first few years here -- but now, I'm much better about it. It obviously hasn't come naturally to me, but I've internalized a set of options for me to choose from, in reacting to emotional people, and I know well enough from experience which options to choose in which situation.

    I'm not good in situations where people try to be subtly bitchy at me, or where college/work cliques start to be like high school ones. Usually I just ignore all of the bitchiness and come across as cold and unfriendly (and possibly arrogant).

    Generally, though, I think I'm fairly socially skilled, as long as I'm feeling confident. Most of my awkward moments come when I'm not confident, e.g. when I'm in a new social situation and don't know the "right" way to act. The bitchiness example fits into this; I'm not confident in my reactions to those sorts of people, because I don't understand them, and therefore I act a bit awkward.


    Edit: Some of the ways in which I'm socially skilled -- following @Such Irony 's model -- are:
    - Appearing friendly, courteous, positive, respectful, and confident, by default
    - The ability to adapt my vocabulary and sense of humor to fit my social environment
    - Showing a desire to care for others' needs even after not knowing them for all that long, means I'm a pretty good hostess
    - Good memory for things people have referenced to me, and willingness to follow up with them on those topics later on -- which could lead to anything from getting a friend the gift they'd really been wanting for Christmas, to remembering to send someone the article they'd been referencing in an earlier conversation, to... etc, you get the gist.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

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