• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[Si] Coward with no money, and low self esteem...seeking attractive and intelligent woman.

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
Then OP can grow past that.

Um, why shouldn't he just grow past his low self-esteem so that he feels worthy of this kind of woman without trying to tear her down?
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
1) 'Cause it is easier.
2) Life is about winning at any cost.

No it's not easier in the long-term. In the short time, it might actually seem to work (and probably with a woman whose self-esteem is already about as low as his own, you can't tear down a person whose self-worth isn't contingent upon externals but is firmly rooted in the self, which is why two narcissists are likely to find one another, or a histrionic and a narcissist, or a Borderline and a co-dependent, and the really healthy people go date each other)....but it will just propel you into a never-ending loop of relationship SHIT, until you learn the problem is actually yourself, and by fixing yourself, you automatically attract and/or keep better partners without even trying to control them.

SO...essentially you're telling him to stay a coward, because only a cowardly man abuses a woman so he can get laid. How pathetic.

It's difficult for me to believe that you aren't trolling, but I've seen your posts on other forums, and know what your heinous issues with women appear to be.
 

violet_crown

Active member
Joined
Jun 18, 2009
Messages
4,959
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
853
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
OP, I'm sure there's some perfectly nice fat girls out there you could make very happy. Take a chance!
 

1487610420

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
6,431
OP, I'm sure there's some perfectly nice fat girls out there you could make very happy. Take a chance!

 

RaptorWizard

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 19, 2012
Messages
5,895
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I think we should focus less on sex and survival :( and more on faith and friendship. :)
 
G

Ginkgo

Guest
Get out and do something. Find something to aspire toward that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Everything else will fall into place.
 

1487610420

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
6,431
Get out and do something. Find something to aspire toward that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Everything else will fall into place.

Or get something done to you. BJ's can work wonders.
 

gromit

likes this
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
6,508
Thread title says it all. If you do not like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
Work on the other areas of your life first and your relationship to yourself. Then your chance of having a successful relationship will go up exponentially. Have you figured out why you feel resentment, shame and misogynistic feelings? What steps have you taken to deal with those feelings?

Regarding incremental change...

The bold is what makes it so painful because one has to endure the present while doing the work. It can be easy to give up when there is no quick pay off. That's why the baby steps can help because they are small things that can be done without too much risk.

You can do it.

Agree. If you are focusing too hard on an abstract and distant goal, that may give motivation, but it can sometimes be just as discouraging if you don't feel yourself moving in the direction you desire.

Someone on here once said (and I think it's so so true) something to the effect of: when we feel delight or enjoyment and pride in making the small milestones toward a greater goal that we actually begin to see progress. You feel proud and enjoy the first level of challenge, then you feel more motivation to move toward the next level of challenge.

Build some platonic relationships with a variety of people/generations and develop skills so that you have legitimate sources of feeling useful and confident. Develop your communication skills with people outside of the context of a romantic relationship. Getting into a relationship will not assuage your feelings of loneliness. Intimacy is developed by learning to trust and to be appropriately vulnerable. If you have not done that with other people in your life, I think you will find it even more difficult to do it with a woman. At the same time, I truly don't think you are doomed to having to give up what you long for. It's just that there's no shortcut to a successful relationship and many people would like to jump right in, without having done the pre-requisite work that would allow the relationship to develop and flourish.

Think about what you have to offer a woman right now and then build on that.

Some excellent suggestions.
 
Top