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Thread: Coward with no money, and low self esteem...seeking attractive and intelligent woman.

  1. #31
    FRACTALICIOUS Array phobik's Avatar
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    Apr 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    Get out and do something. Find something to aspire toward that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Everything else will fall into place.
    Or get something done to you. BJ's can work wonders.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  2. #32


    Thread title says it all. If you do not like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Work on the other areas of your life first and your relationship to yourself. Then your chance of having a successful relationship will go up exponentially. Have you figured out why you feel resentment, shame and misogynistic feelings? What steps have you taken to deal with those feelings?
    Regarding incremental change...

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    The bold is what makes it so painful because one has to endure the present while doing the work. It can be easy to give up when there is no quick pay off. That's why the baby steps can help because they are small things that can be done without too much risk.

    You can do it.
    Agree. If you are focusing too hard on an abstract and distant goal, that may give motivation, but it can sometimes be just as discouraging if you don't feel yourself moving in the direction you desire.

    Someone on here once said (and I think it's so so true) something to the effect of: when we feel delight or enjoyment and pride in making the small milestones toward a greater goal that we actually begin to see progress. You feel proud and enjoy the first level of challenge, then you feel more motivation to move toward the next level of challenge.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Build some platonic relationships with a variety of people/generations and develop skills so that you have legitimate sources of feeling useful and confident. Develop your communication skills with people outside of the context of a romantic relationship. Getting into a relationship will not assuage your feelings of loneliness. Intimacy is developed by learning to trust and to be appropriately vulnerable. If you have not done that with other people in your life, I think you will find it even more difficult to do it with a woman. At the same time, I truly don't think you are doomed to having to give up what you long for. It's just that there's no shortcut to a successful relationship and many people would like to jump right in, without having done the pre-requisite work that would allow the relationship to develop and flourish.

    Think about what you have to offer a woman right now and then build on that.
    Some excellent suggestions.

  3. #33


    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Or get something done to you. BJ's can work wonders.

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