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  1. #11
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Why do you want them to persevere? They need a good reason, and they need help taking little steps towards a big goal. Find something really appealing, like saving up money to go on a big trip, and then check in with them periodically to see how their saving is going, and what they struggle with. What moments are their weakest and how to support those.

    Like others have mentioned, strong motivators for us are pleasing those we love, curiosity, and self-growth. Much of the struggle is in understanding why sticking to something is more preferable than abandoning it to explore a temporarily more satisfying avenue, and how to keep one's positivity when voluntarily abandoning the joyful option for the perseverant one.

    A strong disciplinary structure (with reward for good behavior and removal of privilege for bad behavior) would help teach discipline.

    How do I help him put forth effort when things are difficult without making him feel like a loser?
    You affirm his inner self and personal competence while helping him maintain an external structure for attaining his goals. We have a really hard time creating our own external structures and sticking to them. The more demonstration and hand-holding through that, the better.

  2. #12
    Senior Member hazelsees's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    I hope to god I never have an ENFP child. I will destroy any self esteem it has and fail to understand any of its potential in the world and it will grow up as a single mother with twins while working at mcdonalds with herpes.
    Cheerful.
    Don't procreate. Or even own a pet.

  3. #13
    Senior Member hazelsees's Avatar
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    @Chiharu @Esoteric Wench @Amargith @skylights
    Thank you SO much. You've given many great ideas and excellent advice. I really appreciate it.
    The idea about setting a future, specific date to "stop" is brilliant. And "being mindful" should be very appealing to him. As far as MBTI stuff goes, he's already interested and asks questions when he hears me talk about it. But, I've never really explained the functions to him. I need to study up on Fi. I have a bit of a hard time understanding Fi. When I've read the heated threads and everyone is all upset, as an outsider looking in, it seems like Fe and Fi want basically the same thing--but are looking through different lenses.
    Of course, if he reads the Fi descriptions, maybe he would understand it immediately--it would feel familiar to him.

  4. #14
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    I actually have problems allowing myself to let things go and not follow through. I can be a pit bull on things but also have a tendency to get stretched too thin. Only recently am I learning to let things go. To an outside observer maybe it would seem that I didn't stick to some things because I might have so many in the air at once people don't think I am interested or still working on some of them. I know I've floated ideas at work and then seemingly probably dropped them (due to time constraints) and then I show up 6 weeks later with it implemented because I found time to focus on it.

    Idk what I am saying exactly. My best friend is ISTJ and IMO he doesn't stick with anything. Every year for a while I bought him a birthday gift related to whatever he was really into at the time. Rock climbing shoes, guitar lessons, woodworking books, etc. Most of it gets dropped soon after. Now I just shop from his amazon wishlist.

    EDIT: I am ENFP 7w6. My friend is ISTJ and probably enneagram 5. My wife is ESTJ (probably enneagram 3) and she basically can't be stopped on anything ever.

  5. #15
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    Hmm...I don't really have great advice on how to parent...but I do happen to know about ENFPs and have definitely had my more than fair share of quitting activities...
    I think it's very common for ENFPs: we grab an idea and OBSESS over it for a short time...and then after a small bit of execution or passed time, we lose interest and find something else to put our passion into. We don't like the details of things...
    Right now I am a senior in high school and my parents are absolutely frustrated that I can't settle on ANY plans for the future...I don't really want a job, I just want to wander around...and I'm satisfied with our money. But to them that isn't feasible...it costs money to travel, I'm wasting my talents...it's dangerous, are things they think. I don't want to commit my life right now...I just want to live!
    I think that I've learned the most on how to carry things out just from realizing the consequences of not following through.
    My parents getting frustrated with me is acceptable I believe, but honestly it doesn't make me want to listen to them.
    Sorry, this isn't much advice...I was just giving you an ENFP's perspective.

  6. #16
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hazelsees View Post
    Is stick-to-it-iveness something that you struggle with or struggled with as a child. What suggestions do you have for the parent of an ENFP child who struggles with this?
    Loved Ones of ENFPs, how have you helped your precious ENFP learn perserverance without hurting them or crushing their wonderful spirits?

    Or is this not even an ENFP issue?
    So three answers:

    1) Sometimes it is perfectly okay, invigorating and delightful to frolic with abandon and not worry about stick-with-it ness at all. Finding endless delight in novelty and in the beauty of possibilities (ie flirting from one thing to another like a hummingbird) is what defines our worldview-it energizes us, it renews our spirit, it is how we find hope in our world. So-perhaps note if you are trying to redefine your child's worldview via your own? Make sure that when stick-with-itness is called for, thier is a good reason for it, as opposed to just the innate "rightness" of being structured and on task based upon your worldview

    2) If we like what we are doing, we will innately stick with it, to the point of obsession (until we get bored and drop it). Let us do this, if it doesnt hurt us. Forcing us to keep doing something stale, is painful and creates resentment. Make sure the task is something important-if you can justify it, we may whine and moan, but we cant argue logic (although we may attempt to counter rationalize, poorly )

    3) Teaching stick-with-it ness as a life skill

    First-Lists are everything. The kid has no innate sense of logistical order or schedule. Help them schedule thier time and then help them identify organization tools that can assist them. Dont be concerned you are making them feel stupid-that's be a Ti worry. We may not like control, but we do not read teling us what to do as an attack on our innate IQ

    Second-Help them Ne see where they will fail in life is they do not stick with it to certain tasks...by 9th grade, they should be able to "see" far enough to start getting a bit anxious. Let them feel a bit of fear over that as fear activates Te

    Third-challenge them-the more we try to do, the more we can do....we just dont understand that at first. Once we accomplish something, it becomes a bit addictive and we want to try again. What is really funny and very effective is to tell them "I dont really think you can do this..." as it pisses us off and then we try and prove you wrong...Not sure why, but it is incredibly effective.

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