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  1. #1
    Senior Member iNtrovert's Avatar
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    Default I don't like being an INFJ right now (rant,vent ,whine)

    I don't like being an INFJ today.I am constantly being misunderstood. We had this in class exercise where we were given a list of traits. We had to choose a certain number of things from the list that we felt described us the most, mingle with our class mates, and find a group of people with the majority of the same list factors. I couldn't find anyone. I ended up in a group with people that has one or two of the same factors but I didn't feel connecting with that group. At least not as connected as the other people in my class.

    It was so depressing. I felt so left out and abnormal. To make matters worse I have to do a group project with these people and I know we are headed in the wrong direction the only problem is in our group meeting I had a hard time articulating exactly what was wrong with our project. Another group member kept interrupting me every time I tried to explain myself. She dominated the group meeting and everyone else just went along with what she said. I felt so patronized and misunderstood I lost my confidence and backed down. After doing more research I know if we continue with this course of action we are going to fail so I have to say something. I never thought of myself as this non-confrontational but apparently I am. I also feel like I sold myself out. I knew I was right from the beginning but I allowed myself to be dominated by someone else because I didn't have the backbone to go against the group.

    I feel like such a whip what other people think shouldn't be that important to me. I feel like I just got smacked in the face with the reality of who I am. I never though of myself as being that complacent. I feel like I lied to myself my entire life. Like I wore a mask while looking in a mirror just so I could say I liked what I saw. I pretty much learned I am a self-righteous whip. I have all these convictions and strong beliefs that when pushed I find it hard to stick with. I am misunderstood and alone. I am not unique but abnormal and I really hate it right now.
    "Re-examine all that you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul."_Walt Whitman

  2. #2
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I'd consider that more of an instructor fail than anything on your part. That was a good way to divide up 'normal' people to some degree, except that it concentrates a lot of the positive and negative traits in the same groups, assuming anyone is objective about their own traits.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #3
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    Your inner ESTP

    My 2c

  4. #4
    Senior Member hazelsees's Avatar
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    I really do understand. I am sorry you feel bad today.
    It's so overwhelmingly frustrating when you know that a project/idea/person is heading in the wrong direction and others won't listen to you, especially if a loud, dominant type is in the group. It's hurtful and self-esteem lowering (to me) when the words can't be found to explain how you know what you know. Or the facts that you need to back-up your knowledge are absent...or maybe don't exist.

  5. #5
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    +1 on what @Istbkleta said: channel your inner STP from the reverse side of the coin.

    look, our types are not our doom & gloom, they just tell us what comes naturally where we need to work harder, and while on the surface it's just telling us our strengths and weaknesses, in the depths of function theory it also directs us towards what we can channel to become more balanced.

    i'm an extreme on the P stereotype & had a lot of difficulty with the J demands of RL, but learned to channel my inner SFJ (mostly because life demanded it of me as a parent). have the functions received years of neglect? yes, they are in no way as developed as a true SFJ, but this way enables me to compensate for many of my own disadvantages when i need too.

    so what would your inner STP do in this situation? if i had to wager, she'd take in a hands on approach, looking to do what makes the most sense to her. while she wouldn't be as confident in her Ni, by doubting her conclusions she'd be able to counter-argue her doubts to herself and by means of noting the failures to do so, be able to formulate a way of expressing the Ni found axiom, describing the trajectory she see's as concretely as possible. and perhaps most critical to this situation, be near-irrationally overconfident in her own ability to adapt to whatever comes, which in this case means not being as afraid of the tackling the social dynamic, because she's working off a near unmovable belief that she'd be able to deal with whatever consequences can come her way.

    you have the potential for all of those, you have all the right functions for it, just the opposite repression mechanism. while the full growth might take decades, this might be a key start (the opposite of what i need to do to achieve this btw):

    try to adopt the belief that you can adapt to whatever situation comes your way (P) while putting aside the belief that you are right in your understanding (J).

    it will feel uncomfortable initially, very uncomfortable, but following that - as you remind yourself of it and let it sink in - your mind will naturally orient itself to pay more attention to the information processed by your other functions, because the way they process information will fit better with the newly adopted belief about yourself.

    give it a shot.

  6. #6
    Senior Member iNtrovert's Avatar
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    Thank you everyone for responding to my melt down. I really appreciate the support and advice. @Mane & @Istbkleta awesome advice. I've never had an experience with and inability to express Ni in such a severe way before and that defiantly helped. I pretty much played connect the dots and pushed the people around me to come to that same conclusion. I asked a lot of questions so they could follow my thought process by experiencing it. It was like leaving a trail of bread crumbs. I tried to avoid confrontation but that same loud person kept cutting me off again so I passive aggressively asked her to shut up by suggesting that if she would let me get through a thought I'm sure she would be able to grasp the just of what I was saying. I don't know that it is about that person that just gets under my skin like that but w.e. In the end everything worked out so Thank you all again for your help.
    "Re-examine all that you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul."_Walt Whitman

  7. #7
    Junior Member Corporal Poon's Avatar
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    you put yourself in a box when you say "i dont like being this label".

    it's not that you dont like being an INFJ, you just struggle with confidence. you cant have confidence if you dont like who you are.

    you need to be more assertive it seems. go meet an ISTP. Probably the best relationship since both have the same functions, just sorta reversed. Ti Se Ni Fe - Ni Fe Ti Se.

    beneficial for both

  8. #8
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    As far as I know this is pretty much what most INFJs have to face sometime during their lives. They feel so different, isolated and like no one would understand them and thus are being belittled.

    Being the 'normal' one (of the most common type) out here, I do feel that INFJs are not generally that good team players. They could be, but usually they are unable to convey their thoughts so that others would understand. They dislike confortation and usually just prefer doing things their way (rather than compromising). And they often care more about their own integrity than group's success. That being said, they can be of great asset to any team, as they do have a good perspective for dynamics.

    Hopefully you can walk away from this experience having learned:

    * Trying to put people together based on their similarities is a bad thing. A team should be balanced, comfortable in every aspect of human personality.
    * Sometimes you need to participate without caring. Just get the stuff done the best you can. You don't have to like the people you work with (sometimes caring too much can actually hurt the results).
    * No matter who's right, the most dominant person will take the lead. It is unlike that you'll be that person. It's okay. You still have the abilitity to persude this person into what you want. You just need to explain your thoughts.
    * Even though self-criticism is good for learning process, you also need to learn how to compliment yourself and keep these two in balance.

    Also, never ever hate yourself. You're the best thing in your own life. And it will always be so.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

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