I really can't figure this guy's mixed signals out, would love input especially from INFJ males!
INFJ boy (early 30s) found out about me (late 20s) about a year ago through some mutual friends who told him that he and I lived in the same city and we should meet up because we would like each other. INFJ boy does not contact me. In the summer we meet by total chance at a two month summer camp, INFJ boy came up to me saying he had heard about me. We see each other around very infrequently, mostly in group contexts. He is always very friendly but I thought him aloof. Our first conversation was somewhat awkward and I got the feeling he was sizing me up. At the time I found him attractive but didnt think much of it. He frequently said he was busy and had a lot of work to do. Towards the end of the summer we hung out a bit more frequently and he said we should have hung out more often and said that he would get back in touch when we get back home.
Fast forward to autumn, we catch up back in our home city. I initiated our first meeting after waiting almost a month to see if he would get in touch (he didn't). We saw each other maybe 3 or 4 times before the end of the year, mostly one-on-one dinners. I always have to initiate our meetups, but every time he has said something to the effect of "thanks for calling, I meant to get in touch". He is hard to get in touch with but whenever we are together he really seems to enjoy my company and I've really enjoyed getting to know him inthe very slow way that INFJs open up. We have wonderful conversations, but since we usually meet in the evenings he always seems tired and leaves at a relatively early hour. I didn't see him at all over new year's and meanwhile fell very ill. In January he heard that I fell ill and contacted me expressing great concern. He came round to my place bringing dinner and we had a wonderful, hilarious and fascinating conversation, and when he left I am sure that he gave me that INFJ "look", you know, the kind that stops your heart a bit. since getting to know each other we have always exchanged hugs upon greeting and leaving, but the last couple of times we've met, his hugs have been long, squeezy and lingering. The last time we met was at a small weekend get-well party of mine which I think he was not entirely comfortable at but probably came to it because he thought it was important to me. We didn't get to talk much in the group context, which I regret, though we sat next to each other and he studiously didn't look at me at all, except once, a very quick glance, when he thought I wasn't looking at him. when he left he gave me one of those long hugs. I really wanted to see him again. I texted him in a chatty way to say I'd love to "hang out" (his words of choice) sometime during the coming week or the weekend. That was on Tuesday and it is now Sunday and I haven't heard from him at all.
our conversations have definitely been increasingly open, peeling through his many wonderful and complex layers. he has talked about things such as his past girlfriend, his views on literature and ethics, his bizarre off-the-wall wacky ideas about inventions and other interests, his music loves, his occasional depression. One of the times we met, he was so self-critical and moody with himself that I wanted to give him a huge it's-ok hug. I definitely felt that the recent time he brought dinner round to my place was a new stage of knowing him -- he was warm and affectionate and goofy, wanting to make me laugh a lot and saying things like "oh, that's what you find funny?" or "oh, you like that do you?" -- I felt a whole new layer had opened up. Which is what makes his disappearance now even more frustrating and hard to understand. I've heard absolutely nothing from him. I wonder if I've scared him away by making him come to a party, or maybe my text message saying that I'd love to hang out with him again spooked him or made him feel pressured -- I thought I knew at least that he liked my company, but now I don't even know if he really likes me at all or whether he just feels like he should be nice to me because I was ill. I feel like I've been totally unhesitating and non-game-playing (I hate that anyway) with him, I've shown that I'm keen to hang out with him and I always reply to his messages, and I think I've been straightforward and not coy with him. But he almost never initiates any of our contact, and his replies to my messages or emails are often hours or even a day later.
so I'm trying to decide if he likes me or not -- not even romantically but just as a friend -- and how I should communicate with him without scaring him away... I mean, I don't know if he likes me but has decided that we just won't work out in the long run and so just doesn't want to get involved, or if he likes me only as a friend and doesn't want to get more complex, or he doesn't really like me but feels obliged to hang out because I ask him to (bearing in mind our mutual friends), or maybe I tire him out, or maybe he just doesn't believe that I could like him (we are in the same career but even though I am younger than him I'm a lot further along than he is, which is something he frequently brings up in a teasing/joking manner every time we meet, saying that I am very smart etc) or a million other possibilities for why an INFJ boy would avoid an INFP girl who has great conversations with him and obviously likes him at the very least as a friend. I AM SO TOTALLY OVERTHINKING THIS but come on, wouldn't you too??
I'm also considering telling him that I'm at a stage in our friendship where I could, if I allowed myself to, fall really hard for him, and I want to ask him whether I should allow myself to or not. I mean, I'd basically be saying to him: I think I could fall in love with you, if you were interested, if you'd let me. I'm prepared to be open about how I feel to him. But I don't know if that's premature given how skittish he seems to be, and I don't want to scare away what could at least be a great friendship. Should I just give him more time? I just really can't figure this guy out. It's been what, 7 months or so since we actually met, and more than a year since he has known about me... I've demonstrated many times that I'm willing to initiate meetings with him, and in fact he is the one who's rejected several of my attempts to hang out (though on the whole he has accepted more invitations from me than rejected). I don't want to keep pestering him if he's not really interested in me either romantically or as a friend, and I really feel like I can't tell anymore. I know it's hard to tell from such a brief account like this, but I'd really, really appreciate INFJ input into the following:
1. does this guy like me as a friend at all?
2. could this guy like me more than just as a friend?
3. should I keep initiating contact with him or stop? does what I am doing here look like unreasonable pressure to you INFJs?
4. what the hell is with his weeklong (and still continuing) radio silence after what I thought were two really lovely times seeing him and my extremely open invitation to hang out again?
5. is this INFJ guy worth all the hassle?? I really, really love speaking with him and being with him, but I feel like I have only so much patience.
sorry for super long post but it's a measure of my extreme frustration!!