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  1. #1
    Senior Member Ribonuke's Avatar
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    Default Is this an INFJ thing, or am I just crazy?

    Okay...I'm going through some problems...

    I feel like I'm really emotionally immature for an INFJ. Like...I can't seem to internalize my feelings or find a proper outlet for them. I still take things very personally, think people see me as childish and immature.

    I want to grow a dang spine, but I just can't.

    I keep thinking I find my inner strength, the thing that will help me keep living life without constantly criticizing myself, but I fail to get that approval from other people...

    Any advice?

  2. #2
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    1: Quit criticizing yourself.
    2: Don't always look at what others think about you. Sometimes, what you think is far from what others think of you. If they aren't saying it in front of you, they probably aren't saying it. Don't turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy when they do say it behind you or in front of you.
    3: Look upright and think about what you can do and act on it.

    Internalizing or finding the proper outlet takes time. Find a hobby or something that you know of that reduces stress. People will come to you once you stop criticizing yourself and see yourself in a better light. I know a person with ADHD, he has a ton of friends and acquaintances. Why? Because he still act like his ADHD self. The only problem people have with him are the people who have a problem with his ADHD. Chances are, not everyone has a problem with his ADHD. Other than that, he is a cool guy.

    For you, it is likely that not many people actually have a problem with how you act.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ribonuke View Post
    Any advice?
    the gods of comedy have all the answers (the last one in particular).

  4. #4
    Senior Member Ribonuke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    the gods of comedy have all the answers (the last one in particular).
    Yikes, they really do!

    See, I tend to trust Cracked as a resource for these sorts of things, because they have a healthy dose of cynicism that makes them sound more genuine than if someone were trying to trump everything up to be better than it actually was. That spotlight-effect thing though...it's something I keep forgetting about xD;;

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ribonuke View Post
    Yikes, they really do!

    See, I tend to trust Cracked as a resource for these sorts of things
    their scrutiny is pretty big for articles - you have to prove & source every point you make.
    the editorials... not so big on scrutiny, so pay attention to what piece of there's you are reading.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ribonuke View Post
    That spotlight-effect thing though...it's something I keep forgetting about xD;;
    i am slowly coming to understand that this is among the biggest lessons the MBTI has to offer:
    highlighting the need to resolve cognitive dissonance & emotional dissonance in unison, and finding ways to free ourselves from the need to repress one need in favor of the other.

    keeping in mind psychological phenomena just like the spotlight-effect and many others, is a good way to make sense of emotions that otherwise don't if your a thinker, or to validate your feeling without rejecting the larger objective tapestry if your a feeler.

  6. #6
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Have a listen
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Are you sure you're not an INFP?

  8. #8
    Senior Member Ribonuke's Avatar
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    I pretty sure, but not absolutely certain.

    Why do you ask? ^^;

    EDIT: Whoa, how did I manage to become a Senior Member already? O_o

    EDIT EDIT: Now that I think about it, there was a time when I thought I was more of an INFP, but I don't think I use Introverted Sensing or Extraverted Thinking; I think I use more Introverted Thinking and Extraverted Sensing. How come? Well, I am always doubling back on what I say as it is coming out of my mouth, refining what I am saying until I feel like it is logically flawless, and that nobody around me can possibly misinterpret what I am trying to say.

    Also, as much as I would love to be fine making sure I feel okay with what I'm doing or saying, I feel like that isn't always enough; I have to make sure that my actions are emotionally endorsed by those I love and care about, otherwise I feel like I am 'on the wrong track', so to speak. This seems more like Auxiliary Ti (since I believe I am prone to being lost in the throes of a Ni-Ti loop)

    I am also very, VERY sensitive to details. I am very easily overwhelmed when I am presented with too much information at once, and I feel like I have Inferior Extraverted Sensing. I feel the least "like myself" whenever I am very stressed out, and I end up getting rather impulsive and hedonistic. I end up feeling like "F**k it, nobody cares about the bigger things, so I guess it shouldn't matter", and then I end up focusing on just wanting to please myself at that moment instead of trying to work on the 'bigger' things. But this is a cup that is very easily filled, so I end up getting dissatisfied with that mode of existence fairly quickly, and end up feeling like the bigger picture may be worth chasing after all.

    An instance of my Fe in action when I was a child (like...5 years old?): When Princess Diana was tragically killed in that car crash trying to evade the paparazzi, my mother was very tearful and upset. I remembered that I had a "worry doll" upstairs that might help her feel better, so I gave it to her. I watched her carefully, but when I didn't see any PHYSICAL signs of her beginning to feel better (Se and Fe), I felt like I had "failed" to help her feel better.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ribonuke View Post
    An instance of my Fe in action when I was a child (like...5 years old?): When Princess Diana was tragically killed in that car crash trying to evade the paparazzi, my mother was very tearful and upset. I remembered that I had a "worry doll" upstairs that might help her feel better, so I gave it to her. I watched her carefully, but when I didn't see any PHYSICAL signs of her beginning to feel better (Se and Fe), I felt like I had "failed" to help her feel better.
    aww. my (probably) ExFJ son used did the same: when he caught me sad one night, he brought his book about the water fairy (she looses her wings and becomes sad but finds a way to be happy about it) and tried to read it, which at the time meant uttering each letter, and he then decided i should i read it. also, once - hearing me and his mother bickering and failing in our discretion - he shouted "let's watch chuck!" - a tv series that we'd used to watch as a family (he'd mostly dance to the awesome soundtrack).

    and yea, from the sound of it, your certainly a strong Fe user, for better or worst.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    *nod nod* I'm convinced.

    Suspend disbelief and try on the idea that you're perfect just as you are. You're exactly like you're supposed to be. I know it can sound like jackassery or Stuart Smalley, but ... just try it on.

    And this might also sound hokey, but ... pray for a teacher (or call it setting your intention for one, whatever). If just one person can see you for who you are, and can reach you to show you how, then you always have that for hope and confirmation when times get hard.

    Be easy on yourself but just do your best to meet your own expectations.

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