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  1. #11
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ribonuke View Post
    Okay...I'm going through some problems...

    I feel like I'm really emotionally immature for an INFJ. Like...I can't seem to internalize my feelings or find a proper outlet for them. I still take things very personally, think people see me as childish and immature.

    I want to grow a dang spine, but I just can't.

    I keep thinking I find my inner strength, the thing that will help me keep living life without constantly criticizing myself, but I fail to get that approval from other people...

    Any advice?
    I agree with the other posters who think you're too hard on yourself. It's a struggle for a lot of people to be content with self approval and to live life without constantly criticizing themselves. Just give yourself time to grow.

  2. #12
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
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    Do you have any artistic or creative outlet? Anything like that which you do, even unseriously or privately or just for fun. The act of expression helps us learn to tolerate uncertainty while allowing something take form. It can be good practice for you to show some compassion for yourself. And its just good for mental health.
    the formless thing which gives things form!
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Ribonuke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    aww. my (probably) ExFJ son used did the same: when he caught me sad one night, he brought his book about the water fairy (she looses her wings and becomes sad but finds a way to be happy about it) and tried to read it, which at the time meant uttering each letter, and he then decided i should i read it. also, once - hearing me and his mother bickering and failing in our discretion - he shouted "let's watch chuck!" - a tv series that we'd used to watch as a family (he'd mostly dance to the awesome soundtrack).

    and yea, from the sound of it, your certainly a strong Fe user, for better or worst.
    Yeah, my mom is also an INFJ, and she tells me that she's "sorry" that I inherited her empathy because of the pain we feel from it. xD;;

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    *nod nod* I'm convinced.

    Suspend disbelief and try on the idea that you're perfect just as you are. You're exactly like you're supposed to be. I know it can sound like jackassery or Stuart Smalley, but ... just try it on.

    And this might also sound hokey, but ... pray for a teacher (or call it setting your intention for one, whatever). If just one person can see you for who you are, and can reach you to show you how, then you always have that for hope and confirmation when times get hard.

    Be easy on yourself but just do your best to meet your own expectations.
    See...that's the answer I've had all along, but I feel like it CAN'T be that easy. Then again, I tend to read into my personal failures too much, because they are so initially painful that I worry I'll fail again and so I spend a lot of my energy trying to avoid that pain.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vasilisa View Post
    Do you have any artistic or creative outlet? Anything like that which you do, even unseriously or privately or just for fun. The act of expression helps us learn to tolerate uncertainty while allowing something take form. It can be good practice for you to show some compassion for yourself. And its just good for mental health.
    Yeah, I draw and write...but not as often as I should. I should try to put a good solid chunk of 'writing' higher on my priority list...

  4. #14
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    I totally hear you about pain avoidance because you think you just can't take it if it happens again. I support that. Listen to yourself. Keep yourself safe if you feel you need to.

    I do want to suggest you don't owe pain and you don't have to struggle. Everything doesn't have to be hard. It's ok to put the struggle down. That doesn't make you a lightweight or make any experience less meaningful. It doesn't all have to be, like, cut into you with a razor. Some things can be written on water or be smoke rings in the air that just dissipate without leaving a mark.

    Not sure what access you may have to a doctor, but you might possibly benefit from some anti-anxiety meds for a period of time, and some counseling just for the support. Someone you can talk to in absolute privacy.

    Try to reinforce the pleasure circuits in yourself. Try to do one healthy thing per day that makes you happy, whether it's a piece of music or a walk in an art gallery. Get a massage or a manicure. Put in some time enjoying your life and just being in the world.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Ribonuke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    I totally hear you about pain avoidance because you think you just can't take it if it happens again. I support that. Listen to yourself. Keep yourself safe if you feel you need to.

    I do want to suggest you don't owe pain and you don't have to struggle. Everything doesn't have to be hard. It's ok to put the struggle down. That doesn't make you a lightweight or make any experience less meaningful. It doesn't all have to be, like, cut into you with a razor. Some things can be written on water or be smoke rings in the air that just dissipate without leaving a mark.

    Not sure what access you may have to a doctor, but you might possibly benefit from some anti-anxiety meds for a period of time, and some counseling just for the support. Someone you can talk to in absolute privacy.

    Try to reinforce the pleasure circuits in yourself. Try to do one healthy thing per day that makes you happy, whether it's a piece of music or a walk in an art gallery. Get a massage or a manicure. Put in some time enjoying your life and just being in the world.
    Aaah, sorry if this is a horrendously late reply to the thread, but I have been distracted by visiting family (It was fun, but aaaaaagh)!

    Part of my issue, I think, is that I read more deeply into concerns that shouldn't have any impact on my psyche. For instance, if I feel like I fail to do something that I was asked to do, I start feeling like I'm an incompetent person and that everyone hates me. My danged 4w5 enneagram wants me to be independent and self-sufficient, I think because I feel like this is what I need to be in order to be viewed positively by others around me.

    Some of you may know this already, but I was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 9, because my mom knew I was different and she wanted to be able to keep the school system from trying to jam me into mainstream conformity instead of helping me be who I really was. While the diagnosis has helped me in some ways, it has made me very self-conscious and self-doubting about my abilities as a human being. Only recently am I beginning to realize that my supposed 'inability to read other people effectively' is complete bullsh*t, but rather it's my somewhat direct APPROACH that makes me seem strange to other people. Like...since high school, I've always said that I'd rather be viewed as a little bit intense and neurotic than as oblivious and carefree. I think now I understand what it means though: I have to take care of things and not be afraid to address the world, even if I risk stepping on people's toes. If I don't do this, then I'll be viewed as immature and unable to handle things that come my way.

  6. #16
    Member ameeker's Avatar
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    I'm 30, but I'm still always needing to work on growing a spine. It's a constant battle.

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