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  1. #31
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    Hmmm....she sounds ENFP is most ways but she's got some of those leadership qualities of the ENFJ. I think she's a leader not because she's in any way strategic/objective or purposely trying to make others look good - it's more that she's just incredibly enthusiastic about what she's involved in and it rubs off. I'm going to brag () and say that she's got some kind of charisma that people are drawn to.

    On a side-note - her social life is killing me. She's gone to 4 grad parties between yesterday and today, had a friend sleep over and is now she's at the movies. I think our home is just a hotel for her. I guess that's the life of an extravert. I wouldn't know.

  2. #32
    Senior Member chris1207's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alicia91 View Post
    On a side-note - her social life is killing me. She's gone to 4 grad parties between yesterday and today, had a friend sleep over and is now she's at the movies. I think our home is just a hotel for her. I guess that's the life of an extravert. I wouldn't know.
    I actually spend a lot of time on the internets eventhough I'm an extravert! Heck I rarely hang out with people or go to parties.

  3. #33
    Member cn1234567890's Avatar
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    I'm an ENFP and I'm pretty sure my sister is an ENFJ... She is neat and organized..Her room is neat and she makes me clean up the bathroom we share when I get too messy..My room is not in shambles but I have clutter on everything that is not the floor. She's not as tough emotionally as me though..for her there is a straight and narrow right and wrong way things are supposed to be and it really hurts her when people let her down and she lets it show. I'm more "whatever" which can get me into trouble because I can end up in bad relationships I'm not judgmental enough to get out of. She is more pushy than me too.. I guess imposing her values on other people who might not understand it. She's very motherly..

  4. #34
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    From what I've seen of the two types, ENFPs are more focused on being awesome, and ENFJs on making other people awesome.

    This seems about right.

    ENFJs also tend to seem--by all appearances, anyway--to just have their lives together. Most ENFPs I know have taken awhile to get there, if they're there at all.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  5. #35
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillyGoose View Post
    I do that as well, typically in romantic relationships. However, I've noticed that my plenty of chances go unnoticed by the recipient and they act like they were without warning from me. Which I think is odd since I'm pretty expressive and clear, so I'm not sure if it is my nice nature of delivering 'warnings' or what.
    Actually, that's an interesting point.

    When I say I give them lots of chances, I don't think I actually warn them that they actually are chances. It's more like - if they do something bad/hurtful/whatever, I'll be miffed but forgive them pretty easily. And they'll do it again, and I'll forgive them again. And so on and so forth until I eventually decide that they've been doing it far too long and that's when I 'suddenly' act all cold.

    From my point of view, they have to cross me a LOT before I'll get to that stage, but I can see why to the other person it might be a bit unexpected.
    ANFP:
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    9w1 so/sx/sp

  6. #36
    Senior Member SillyGoose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arcticangel02 View Post
    Actually, that's an interesting point.

    When I say I give them lots of chances, I don't think I actually warn them that they actually are chances. It's more like - if they do something bad/hurtful/whatever, I'll be miffed but forgive them pretty easily. And they'll do it again, and I'll forgive them again. And so on and so forth until I eventually decide that they've been doing it far too long and that's when I 'suddenly' act all cold.

    From my point of view, they have to cross me a LOT before I'll get to that stage, but I can see why to the other person it might be a bit unexpected.
    I was like that about 5 years ago. And now, I don't even really say 'this is a chance' but I do make it clear that this is not something I like and is a dealbreaker for me depending on the situation.

    Ex. one guy I dated talked about his ex (from 4 years ago) constantly and still with a lot of anger and emotion. After a month in, I started telling him that it was bothering me. It continued. Then I would sit him down and state clearly that this bothers me so much that if it does not stop or you do not seek help, I will not be able to continue the relationship. It continued. At this point, I was just as irritated at him not taking my reasonable request to stop talking about his ex (ALL the time) as I was that he was still actually doing it. He thought that he could still talk about her, but would try to tone down the emotion but still didn't really listen to my request.

    And in all acutality, I really don't have a problem talking about ex's -- however, I felt he did it excessively and the emotional factor he had going on is what bothered me initially, but then the bigger problem in some ways was his refusal to accomodate my needs and feelings.

    For me, I've realized that I can confuse people since I don't always react consistently (to outsiders minds, LOL.) So to avoid a long drawn out potentially bad relationship I've changed some ways I approach and handle things.
    "My mom told me there was a weirdo on every bus, but I never could find him." Emo Phillips

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by arcticangel02 View Post
    Chris, if I understand correctly, it wasn't the ENFP's ex-friend that died, it was a friend of the ex-friend. And she wouldn't call the ex-friend to offer sympathy.

    But in regards to that, yes. I'll give them plenty of chances, but if they cross that line, I will treat them very coldly.
    Yea, it was the friend of the ex-friend.

    If she gave the girl multiple chances, then she kept them to herself. However, it's very common for many things to bother her without her expressing them so that very well could be the case.

    The Ni/Fe in me strives to immediately resolve conflict - if someone wrongs me, I want to talk about it & make things better thus reaching closure as soon as possible. If I cut someone off, they damn well knew it was coming. Neither way is right or wrong, but I guess that's why I couldn't understand why she did what she did.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by alicia91 View Post
    I think she's a leader not because she's in any way strategic/objective or purposely trying to make others look good - it's more that she's just incredibly enthusiastic about what she's involved in and it rubs off. I'm going to brag () and say that she's got some kind of charisma that people are drawn to.
    That sounds VERY ENFP to me. My best friend doesn't lead like a "J", she leads because she is so enthusiastic & people are drawn to her enthusiam. How is your daughter with follow through? I find my best friend is good at getting things going, but tends to leave the follow through to other people. Provided if she's excited enough about something, she will stick to it but her strength is more in the beginning of a project.

  9. #39
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    My experience:

    ENFJ's tend to charm people.
    ENFP's tend to be charmed by people (but not necessarily fooled by charming people ).

    ENFJ's are well aware of their impact on people.
    ENFP's are not.

    ENFJ's are willing to do a lot for people, they are even ready not to be themselves if the group harmony requires so.
    ENFP's are not willing to sacrifice against their strongest beliefs (Fi!).

    ENFP's are more random but their (almost) every thought is connected (Ne!) even if other people don't see the connection (lack of Ne, LOL).
    ENFJ's are great leaders and very gifted in people management.

    Both types talk A LOT.
    ENFJ's feel very warm.
    I'm not so sure about ENFP's.
    ENFP's can feel very strange.
    Likes bundleofsunshine liked this post

  10. #40
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alcea Rosea View Post
    My experience:

    ENFJ's tend to charm people.
    ENFP's tend to be charmed by people (but not necessarily fooled by charming people ).

    ENFJ's are well aware of their impact on people.
    ENFP's are not.

    ENFJ's are willing to do a lot for people, they are even ready not to be themselves if the group harmony requires so.
    ENFP's are not willing to sacrifice against their strongest beliefs (Fi!).

    ENFP's are more random but their (almost) every thought is connected (Ne!) even if other people don't see the connection (lack of Ne, LOL).
    ENFJ's are great leaders and very gifted in people management.

    Both types talk A LOT.
    ENFJ's feel very warm.
    I'm not so sure about ENFP's.
    ENFP's can feel very strange.
    Yes, I agree with most of this.

    I do have a minor quibble with the group harmony comment. Whenever people say this I always envision some poor ENFJ pulling their hair and screaming "why can't we all just get along!" while people are breaking chairs over other people's head. I personally am more than willing to pick up a few chairs myself and tell people to calm the hell down with physical coercion if all else fails.

    While I do go along to get along depending on the context of the situation, there are very clear limits that should not be crossed. I'm not conflict seeking, but I don't avoid it if I think it will bring about greater harmony. In the past, I've instigated what most people would see as conflict because I thought there was a larger problem lurking beneath the surface preventing true harmony. I think conflict and harmony should be scaled and ratioed or something mathematical like that.

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