TLDR: My friend took something I said the wrong way and got offended. I apologized several times but she wouldn't accept it because i said "I'm sorry I made you feel that way" but I said "I'm sorry that's how you felt" and then maliciously attacked me pretty much telling me why I'm an all around bad person. I told her that my apology was in good faith but I wont keep saying I'm sorry. I have no control over her perception and i'm not going to apologize for it. I feel those are things she is insecure about and therefor internalized and I refuse to accept responsibility for that. I won't stand for her projecting those insecurities onto me and what I said even after I explained repeatedly that it was not intended to be an insult. Her response was a round about way of telling me I'm not worth her time and anger. We haven't spoken since Sept of 2012. Should I contact her and apologize again if she will admit she intended to offend me knowing that I unintentionally offended her?
The whole story:
In September I had a falling out with one of my best friends. We were talking via I'm and she misunderstood something I said. W/o going into too much detail. I jokingly insulted her nothing profane or super insulting I just called her a bum because she signed off mid convo so when she signed back on the next day I just said loser. The convo continued and she said something like you've done that too so your a loser too with one of these at the end . So im thinking we are playing around an I light heartedly stated 3 reasons why she was a bum but I used things we had in common expecting her to pick up on it and keep the joke running. Instead she got really offended and said I had crossed the line ect. So I explained to her I was just stating the obvious out of context (being that these were also thing we had in common ect) and explained the joke. She didn't get back to me right away and I'm a full time student so I went back to doing work going to class business as usual. 2 weeks later she writes me telling me how upset she is and how it took her all this time to even bring her self to talk to me. Then she goes on to tell me all the reasons why I suck as a friend, that I betrayed her. I felt bad so I told her I was sorry what I said made her feel that way. It was a joke I didn't know you'd take it so seriously. I told her it was never intended to make her feel bad and that those were traits I felt we shared ect. She responds by listing more grievances she has with me not things i have done in particular but things about me as a person. She also tells me my apology was unauthentic and not a real apology because I didn't say "I'm sorry I made you feel that way" but I said "I'm sorry that's how you felt". So yea I kinda snapped. I had tried to apologize several times by that point and not only was she still upset but she was viciously attacking me and refusing to accept my apology because of my wording.
I got pretty offended after that re-reading her post and her list of grievances ( which were much longer than the 3 things I said initially) and told her that my apology was in good faith but I'm not going to grovel, beg and keep saying I'm sorry. I also told her I have no control over her perception and i'm not going to apologize for her thought process. I was pretty mad so I added some stuff about how I feel those are things she is insecure about and therefor internalized and I refuse to accept responsibility for that. I also told her I won't stand for her projecting those insecurities onto me and what I said even after I explained repeatedly that it was not intended to be an insult. I ended it with I'm not going to apologize anymore you can either accept it or you can continue to be mad. She responded to this by saying she's not holding on to anger implying in a round about way i'm not worth her time. We haven't spoken since but recently I've been thinking about talking to her one last time in an attempt to reconcile the friendship. What she said to me was very hurtful and i'm almost mad right now thinking about it but it was so petty and stupid. I know it would probably take a lot but I'd be willing to work on it if she would at least acknowledged she intended to offend me knowing that I unintentionally offended her and apologize to me. If she did that I'd apologize again