[ENFP] How to Ceaselessly String Along an ENFP

[Algora J]

Anyhow, I was consulting with a male ENFP friend of mine, and he has been trapped in circulating thoughts of why his relationships ended and never seems be able to move on.

We've dissected some reasons for this, and I believe ENFPs- male or female, tend to have problems ending relationships and ceaselessly hang on despite the fact that it is made clear to them that the relationship is OVER.

Anyhow, here is a list on how to string along an ENFP:

1. Criticize them about their looks, intelligence and lifestyle choices. ENFPs have a masochistic side, have low opinions of themselves and will immediately be attracted to and attach themselves to anyone who criticizes them. Ironically ENFPs will not like people who are actually respectful and nice to them. Since ENFPs are the most common type in the population, this is where all the ridiculous pop psychology books "He's just not that into you" and "The Rules" come from. These are made for the ENFP.

2. Use them for sex. ENFPs believe sex is a sign of love, in polar opposite to the way NTs think sex is an EXPRESSION of sexual desire. Sexual desire does not necessarily equate love. However, ENFPs will hang on to a relationship as long as there is sex involved, because to them, sex IS love and what they value the most in a relationship of the opposite sex.

3. You might be feeling guilty about hurting an ENFP, so occasionally you throw out a compliment to the ENFP. Do not do this. The ENFP will interpret that as a sign of getting back together. In their minds- the relationship never ended, and despite the fact that you showed clear signs that you did not want the relationship to continue, they will ironically, BLAME themselves for the end of the relationship and think that they were in the wrong and not a combination of you and the ENFP together that lead to the demise. The ENFP will turn over the events in her/his head over and over, and think she/he should've done something differently. So if you are in that break-up phase, don't compliment or say nice things to the ENFP, they will misinterpret this as a sign that you will get back together.

Anyhow, I think that covers most of it. ENFPs are sensitive, but they have a hard time letting go so it's best to quickly rip the band-aid off, then forever string them along.

 

[MacGuffin]

Anyhow, I was consulting with a male ENFP friend of mine, and he has been trapped in circulating thoughts of why his relationships ended and never seems be able to move on.

We've dissected some reasons for this, and I believe ENFPs- male or female, tend to have problems ending relationships and ceaselessly hang on despite the fact that it is made clear to them that the relationship is OVER.

Anyhow, here is a list on how to string along an ENFP:

1. Criticize them about their looks, intelligence and lifestyle choices. ENFPs have a masochistic side, have low opinions of themselves and will immediately be attracted to and attach themselves to anyone who criticizes them. Ironically ENFPs will not like people who are actually respectful and nice to them. Since ENFPs are the most common type in the population, this is where all the ridiculous pop psychology books "He's just not that into you" and "The Rules" come from. These are made for the ENFP.

2. Use them for sex. ENFPs believe sex is a sign of love, in polar opposite to the way NTs think sex is an EXPRESSION of sexual desire. Sexual desire does not necessarily equate love. However, ENFPs will hang on to a relationship as long as there is sex involved, because to them, sex IS love and what they value the most in a relationship of the opposite sex.

3. You might be feeling guilty about hurting an ENFP, so occasionally you throw out a compliment to the ENFP. Do not do this. The ENFP will interpret that as a sign of getting back together. In their minds- the relationship never ended, and despite the fact that you showed clear signs that you did not want the relationship to continue, they will ironically, BLAME themselves for the end of the relationship and think that they were in the wrong and not a combination of you and the ENFP together that lead to the demise. The ENFP will turn over the events in her/his head over and over, and think she/he should've done something differently. So if you are in that break-up phase, don't compliment or say nice things to the ENFP, they will misinterpret this as a sign that you will get back together.

Anyhow, I think that covers most of it. ENFPs are sensitive, but they have a hard time letting go so it's best to quickly rip the band-aid off, then forever string them along.

Thanks for the tips!

 

[spirilis]

Thanks for the tips!

I concur!

 

[VanillaCat]

So true! Very well done, except for the thing about ENFPs having low opinions obout themselves. I think we may be vulnerable to it, but we can also be very narcissistic.

 

[arcticangel02]

 

[rhinosaur]

Ladies and gentlemen, in classic NT fashion, presented with a spoonful of wit and sarcasm, the truth.

 

[SillyGoose]

I don't agree with this at all. In fact, it almost seems to be a put down of some sort.

"We've dissected some reasons for this, and I believe ENFPs- male or female, tend to have problems ending relationships and ceaselessly hang on despite the fact that it is made clear to them that the relationship is OVER."

I generally end the relationship and have moved on to some greener pasture. I can't imagine being stuck on someone who does not like me. It also does not jive with my values -- let people have their own opinions and wishes and to respect them.

"1. Criticize them about their looks, intelligence and lifestyle choices. ENFPs have a masochistic side, have low opinions of themselves and will immediately be attracted to and attach themselves to anyone who criticizes them. Ironically ENFPs will not like people who are actually respectful and nice to them. Since ENFPs are the most common type in the population, this is where all the ridiculous pop psychology books "He's just not that into you" and "The Rules" come from. These are made for the ENFP."

Again, criticism of a superficial type does not fly with me -- I could not even be friends with someone who does that much less have a romantic relationship.

From my limited reading, ENFP's are not the most common type. Links or back up please

"2. Use them for sex. ENFPs believe sex is a sign of love, in polar opposite to the way NTs think sex is an EXPRESSION of sexual desire. Sexual desire does not necessarily equate love. However, ENFPs will hang on to a relationship as long as there is sex involved, because to them, sex IS love and what they value the most in a relationship of the opposite sex."

IMO, sex can be an expression of love or might just be...sex. I don't believe that this thinking above is type determined, probably more like maturity determined.


"3. You might be feeling guilty about hurting an ENFP, so occasionally you throw out a compliment to the ENFP. Do not do this. The ENFP will interpret that as a sign of getting back together. In their minds- the relationship never ended, and despite the fact that you showed clear signs that you did not want the relationship to continue, they will ironically, BLAME themselves for the end of the relationship and think that they were in the wrong and not a combination of you and the ENFP together that lead to the demise. The ENFP will turn over the events in her/his head over and over, and think she/he should've done something differently. So if you are in that break-up phase, don't compliment or say nice things to the ENFP, they will misinterpret this as a sign that you will get back together"

Again, doesn't sound to type determined but maturity.

"Anyhow, I think that covers most of it. ENFPs are sensitive, but they have a hard time letting go so it's best to quickly rip the band-aid off, then forever string them along."

I don't think that covers anything about an ENFP, honestly. Perhaps it fits your friend that you have deemed ENFP but I cannot see where it would apply to all or even a fraction of what I have read and studied.

Considering that ENFP's place their values pretty high, if the bulk of what you wrote is against their values -- IMO, it is a pretty simplistic and dim view of a person, not every ENFP.

 

[NoMoreFun]

... I believe ENFPs- male or female, tend to have problems ending relationships and ceaselessly hang on despite the fact that it is made clear to them that the relationship is OVER.

Anyhow, here is a list on how to string along an ENFP:

1. Criticize them about their looks, intelligence and lifestyle choices.

It's always nice when someone find a positive way to get what they want.

Since ENFPs are the most common type in the population, this is where all the ridiculous pop psychology books "He's just not that into you" and "The Rules" come from. These are made for the ENFP.

How can you get the idea that any xNxx type is the most common?

2. Use them for sex.

Please do, that would be nice. But really, ENFPs can tell when you're being dishonest about these things though, agreeably, they may often not be ready to admit it to themselves. Even the romantic INFPs know the difference between sex and love.

3. You might be feeling guilty about hurting an ENFP, so occasionally you throw out a compliment to the ENFP. Do not do this.

I love the positive attitude. :rolli:

 

[Penguin]

i have an enfp father, and i have a word to say in this


1. Criticize them about their looks, intelligence and lifestyle choices. ENFPs have a masochistic side, have low opinions of themselves and will immediately be attracted to and attach themselves to anyone who criticizes them. Ironically ENFPs will not like people who are actually respectful and nice to them. Since ENFPs are the most common type in the population, this is where all the ridiculous pop psychology books "He's just not that into you" and "The Rules" come from. These are made for the ENFP.

this is tottaly not true, ENFP's MAY have a low oppinion of themselves, but that is more related to maturity, my father for example is quite boastful about his accomplishments in life (but not to the point of arrogance or anything less desirable) and has a very good oppinion of himself
they vulnerable to criticism, they will keep it within themselves, and will go away from that particular person without telling,or suggesting, why

2. Use them for sex. ENFPs believe sex is a sign of love, in polar opposite to the way NTs think sex is an EXPRESSION of sexual desire. Sexual desire does not necessarily equate love. However, ENFPs will hang on to a relationship as long as there is sex involved, because to them, sex IS love and what they value the most in a relationship of the opposite sex.

from what i have talked to my father, this is somehow valid, but from what i gathered from him, this is both a way to show affection, but more over it is a sign that the relation is still working

3. You might be feeling guilty about hurting an ENFP, so occasionally you throw out a compliment to the ENFP. Do not do this. The ENFP will interpret that as a sign of getting back together. In their minds- the relationship never ended, and despite the fact that you showed clear signs that you did not want the relationship to continue, they will ironically, BLAME themselves for the end of the relationship and think that they were in the wrong and not a combination of you and the ENFP together that lead to the demise. The ENFP will turn over the events in her/his head over and over, and think she/he should've done something differently. So if you are in that break-up phase, don't compliment or say nice things to the ENFP, they will misinterpret this as a sign that you will get back together.

this is strongly dependant on the maturity of the ENFP, and how he built his principles, my father was totally like not this, but i do know some other ENFP's that fit the profile
and besides, this doesnt apply only to ENFP's, this applies i think, to any type under the sun, be it NT/NF/SJ/SP as long as they were in love with their partner in the first place

 

[Dom]

Anyhow, I think that covers most of it. ENFPs are sensitive, but they have a hard time letting go so it's best to quickly rip the band-aid off, then forever string them along.

Well I can't be bothered to reply to all the post but this made me giggle.

As stringing anyone along is normally considered an unpleasent thing to do one must assume you want to hurt ENFPs for some reason. It's not an unfair suggestion that this indicates that some ENFP somewhere burned you bad and for that I am glad...

Also as a side note on enfps hanging on to bad realtionships for far too long, this strikes me as odd as I have been the one to end every relationship (bar my current one) since I was 16 years old...

 

[Lateralus]

1. Criticize them about their looks, intelligence and lifestyle choices. ENFPs have a masochistic side, have low opinions of themselves and will immediately be attracted to and attach themselves to anyone who criticizes them. Ironically ENFPs will not like people who are actually respectful and nice to them. Since ENFPs are the most common type in the population, this is where all the ridiculous pop psychology books "He's just not that into you" and "The Rules" come from. These are made for the ENFP.

First of all, ENFPs are not the most common type. Did you forget about sensors? You're also incorrect about ENFPs arbitrarily having low opinions of themselves. And the pop psychology stuff...

2. Use them for sex. ENFPs believe sex is a sign of love, in polar opposite to the way NTs think sex is an EXPRESSION of sexual desire. Sexual desire does not necessarily equate love. However, ENFPs will hang on to a relationship as long as there is sex involved, because to them, sex IS love and what they value the most in a relationship of the opposite sex.

Eh, I suppose this is true if the ENFP is in love with the other person. If the relationship wasn't nearly as serious, I don't think this is necessarily the case.

3. You might be feeling guilty about hurting an ENFP, so occasionally you throw out a compliment to the ENFP. Do not do this. The ENFP will interpret that as a sign of getting back together. In their minds- the relationship never ended, and despite the fact that you showed clear signs that you did not want the relationship to continue, they will ironically, BLAME themselves for the end of the relationship and think that they were in the wrong and not a combination of you and the ENFP together that lead to the demise. The ENFP will turn over the events in her/his head over and over, and think she/he should've done something differently. So if you are in that break-up phase, don't compliment or say nice things to the ENFP, they will misinterpret this as a sign that you will get back together.

I agree with this since ENFPs put such a priority on relationships.

Anyhow, I think that covers most of it. ENFPs are sensitive, but they have a hard time letting go so it's best to quickly rip the band-aid off, then forever string them along.

Not necessarily. It's probably easiest for NTs to 'quickly rip the band-aid off', but that is a motive based on self-interest, not necessarily what is best for the ENFP.

 

[The Third Rider]

1. Criticize them about their looks, intelligence and lifestyle choices. ENFPs have a masochistic side, have low opinions of themselves and will immediately be attracted to and attach themselves to anyone who criticizes them. Ironically ENFPs will not like people who are actually respectful and nice to them. Since ENFPs are the most common type in the population, this is where all the ridiculous pop psychology books "He's just not that into you" and "The Rules" come from. These are made for the ENFP.

Elaborate a little more on this one since I have ENFP friend and I for the most part am nice to her and she deosn't seem disrespect me. I do understand a little of what you say though because her boyfriend can be a jerk sometimes and she loves him to death.

 

[Grayscale]

why do you like being so manipulative?

 

[Leysing]

Since ENFPs are the most common type in the population

What the -

ENFP Population
Total: 5.5%
Male: 4.5%
Female: 6.5%

Compare

ISTJ Population
Total: 12%
Male: 15.5%
Female: 8.5%

ESFJ Population
Total: 10%
Male: 6%
Female: 14%

ISFP Population
Total: 9%
Male: 8%
Female: 10%

 

[sakuraba]

Since ENFPs are the most common type in the population,

You lost me right there.

ENFPs are not even close to being the most common type in the population. That honor would go to ESFJ.

NF's are rare. There's probably more ESFJ and ESTJ than all 4 NF types put together.

 

[CzeCze]

I'm guessing your post was meant to be tongue-in-cheek but as you can see, didn't go over too well.

I went to the trouble of answering your advice points in a semi-serious manner, but I'll save everyone the eye strain.

Bottom line, it sounds more like an issue of maturity and experience than type. Some of the ENFP observations you made were inaccurate even for weak/underdeveloped/immature ENFPs so they didn't work as tongue-in-cheek humor.

Also, ENFP males are a different breed than ENFP females. It seems ENFP females are much savvier about dating than ENFP males -- this is just from what I've read on this forum. 'F' males in a general, get a tough break, especially ENFP men. Girls and relationships seem to totally blindside them and chew them up and the learning curve is much steeper for them than ENFP females.

The one thing that rung true was the 'puppy love can't see the writing on the wall' ENFP. It's written on the web somewhere that 'ENFPs are like textbook people when they first fall in love' and vice versa. For better or worse, people in love are *dumb* and have a hard time facing harsh reality.

But again, it depends on the weight of the cognitive functions/letters, maturity, and experience.

You can say across the board that 'weak/immature' people unconsciously react to things based on fear. And human beings fear being alone. So especially for an ENFP who values companionship and socialability, it can be really hard to accept rejection and move on.

However, once a person grows and adapts and gets stronger and more able to succeed in the world, they get over their usual stumbling blocks quick.

And the 'inability to let go' phenomena is definitely not specific to ENFPs or even 'F's -- I think this is a common problem for INTPs as well and even ISTJs exhibit this 'refusal to let go and accept the unflattering reality of people'. Depending on their cognitive functions, etc. the way and reasons a type refuses to let go of bad relationship will be different, but it's definitely not confined to 1 type or even 1 quadrant.

 

[SillySapienne]

How to temporarily attract the attention of an ENFP.

...Be so utterly devoid of common sense, reason and human intellect that they just *can't* look away.

 

[swordpath]

I'm starting to fear ENFP's.

 

[SillySapienne]

I'm starting to fear ENFP's.

As you well should.

 

[Jeffster]

I enjoyed using my ENFP wife for sex for almost 2 whole years. But I guess I complimented her too much and didn't insult her enough, because she eventually got tired of me.

But actually, I was the one who didn't want to accept that the relationship was over, I literally begged for her to stay and not leave the family that we created, and she left anyway. Thankfully, because of my oh-so-practical SP attitude, I was able to eventually forgive her.