[ENFP] How to Ceaselessly String Along an ENFP

[BlackCat]

we actually are friendly and engaging with people because we are genuinely excited to meet them and talk with them.

Well if that's what you meant then I don't see how someone is immune to that.

 

[Tiny Army]

Oh, so people who use their charm to manipulate a social situation and are phony?

I suppose I am probably an unhealthy ENFP. I was diagnosed borderline a few years back, but discovering my MBTI was what helped me become healthier. I could finally figure out what parts of my behaviour were a part of my personality and what parts were me being crazy. I had a better understanding of how an unhealthy ENFP behaved and was better able to curb that behaviour.

I find that ENFPs with a higher J function can tend to be more manipulative than hardcore Ps. Teenage ENFPs can be way judgier and that can be hard for an INFP. They get better in college, trust me.

 

[Lady_X]

blackcat how the hell do you know so many enfp's? that's crazy.

and many of your posts do actually read that way to me...you seem to be saying that all these enfp's are always trying to charm their way into your life but you find them annoying and don't want anything to do with them....it sounds a bit arrogant yeah...but okay...so you just mean the unhealthy ones and i guess unhealthy people are annoying regardless of type...so okay.

 

[Moiety]

yeah...i have a problem with people trying to insinuate that to be "charming" is to be fake and/or manipulative. we actually are friendly and engaging with people because we are genuinely excited to meet them and talk with them. it's not bs...it's not an act...it's honest and people respond to it because it feels good to have someone genuinely enjoy your company...why would someone wish to paint that so negatively?

I think this has to do with cynicism. People always expect hypocrisy from others, in some form. It's sad, but it's the world we live in.

 

[Lady_X]

right...projection i guess. since they would be faking if they were to act that way they assume we are too...well hey! we're not!

 

[BlackCat]

Well now that I think about it (I know what you are talking erin about is going back to the EFs teasing thread) it seems like a lot of EFs who are unhealthy do this. Adjust to someone and act fake to get them to like them, which I think is from an unhealthy obsession with wanting everyone to love them. I have experienced this WAY too much and I think it's made me suspicious of people's motives, and that may be why you get that vibe from me. I can usually tell if someone is being fake though, so it's not a real problem for me.

I usually have at least two ENFPs per class, I have no idea how. I usually meet them and realize "Oh this person is an ENFP, no wonder they started talking to me." They are the most common intuitive type (what I read anyways) so it's no surprise to me that there are a lot of them. Plus I'd say metaphysical practices attract a lot of NFs, with ENFPs being the most common N... Yeah.

Miscommunication killed the cat, sorry if I unintentionally offended someone.

 

[JocktheMotie]

I think this has to do with cynicism. People always expect hypocrisy from others, in some form. It's sad, but it's the world we live in.

This is true, however I'm nearly as cynical as you can get yet I find ENFPs extremely genuine people. I think Blackcat's statement about ENFP charming had more to do with how he saw it rather than accurately describing an ENFP socialization style.

Although I do agree with Udog's statement, the ENFPs I know become very interested in people that don't like them. Can't count the number of conversations about "that guy at the party that wouldn't talk to me." I don't know if they take it personally or what.

 

[Lady_X]

i think i understand your position more now, thanks for clarifying.

you'll have to understand being genuine is of extreme importance to me so it bothers me greatly to be painted otherwise so excuse me for being so defensive really.

 

[Tiny Army]

Well, I can understand BlackCat having a bias against ENFPs. His/her(?) mother is apparently a very overbearing ENFP. I tend to be biased against J types because my parents are incredibly overbearing J types. My ENFJ mother made me so crazy with her Fe that if I detect serious Fe in someone I back away immediately. My ENTJ dad, as crazy as he makes me is responsible for my high Te, which I developed to deal with his dominant function.

I'd just like to say that you will meet ENFPs who are good people (and not your mother) and won't try to worm their way into your life under false or flimsy pretenses.

 

[BlackCat]

you'll have to understand being genuine is of extreme importance to me so it bothers me greatly to be painted otherwise so excuse me for being so defensive really.

You seem to be as an ENFP should be erin. This is another one of the many reasons that I have to want out of this age range, too many idiots. I understand why you acted the way you do also. I'm not sure whether other ENFPs do this but one of my best friends (known him since I was 8, ENFP) turns into a male beta fish when he is being accused of not being genuine or if he sees something not genuine.

I will admit that I have a problem projecting my true thoughts. That is why I HAD to compensate, it makes me angry when I see this working against me.

 

[Lady_X]

well...i actually have zero interest in someone who doesn't like me but someone who doesn't immediately hit on me is more attractive because that tells me that perhaps they're not superficial and wouldn't want to date me just because they liked how i looked...so...yeah, THAT i like. i want to talk to that person who might actually only like me because he digs my personality.

 

[BlackCat]

His/her(?)

Click on my profile.

well...i actually have zero interest in someone who doesn't like me but someone who doesn't immediately hit on me is more attractive because that tells me that perhaps they're not superficial and wouldn't want to date me just because they liked how i looked...so...yeah, THAT i like. i want to talk to that person who might actually only like me because he digs my personality.

Sounds good. *Off topic* I don't see why anyone would be interested in someone not liking them. I am turned off by someone who tries to get me by being phony or with their looks.

*On topic* So I'm sure everyone can agree that it's an unhealthy tendency for ENFPs (and other kinds of people I'm sure) to not be able to let go. Why does this happen? I've always been curious of this, since I read it. I just don't get it.

 

[Tiny Army]

I agree. NFPs go into something I like to call "crusader mode" when they feel that their personal values are not being fulfilled, whether it be by an institution that they work for or someone accusing them of not living by their own values. The latter can result in some serious anger from the NFP in question.

I have been trying to curb my "crusade response" because it is especially serious business if you're an almost ESTP 7. It makes me want to fight everything.


Edit: I thought you were a girl, BlackCat!

 

[BlackCat]

I agree. NFPs go into something I like to call "crusader mode" when they feel that their personal values are not being fulfilled, whether it be by an institution that they work for or someone accusing them of not living by their own values. The latter can result in some serious anger from the NFP in question.

I have been trying to curb my "crusade response" because it is especially serious business if you're an almost ESTP 7. It makes me want to fight everything.


Edit: I thought you were a girl, BlackCat!

I see with have a lot in common tiny. I go in this "crusader mode" all the time, and as a result I get very mad and it lasts all day for me.

I can also say that I score all over the place, I'm very much borderline. It seems I'm an INTJ or ISTJ wanting to come out of it's shell.

And yeah I get that a lot. Most people think I'm a girl until they see the picture. When I work the goatee isn't enough for some people and I get ma'amed. I look at them like and then speak to them with the deepest voice I can muster.

 

[Lady_X]

Click on my profile.



Sounds good. *Off topic* I don't see why anyone would be interested in someone not liking them. I am turned off by someone who tries to get me by being phony or with their looks.

*On topic* So I'm sure everyone can agree that it's an unhealthy tendency for ENFPs (and other kinds of people I'm sure) to not be able to let go. Why does this happen? I've always been curious of this, since I read it. I just don't get it.

well imo it's because we feel like we can resolve anything...like we're just one really great illuminating conversation away from getting it all sorted out....because we're optimists that feel like if there's a will there's a way...haha because we're passionate and believe in really trying/ fighting for things we want and because we believe everyone has the potential to be great and we hold out hope too long that it will be realized...until we don't.

 

[IEE623]

You guys are so enthusiastic, yet the thread starter never came back to validate what he/she said heh?

I think most of what he's said pretty untrue for common sense about ENFP. Maybe that's just a rare case when the ENFP is really in love.

 

[Moiety]

This is true, however I'm nearly as cynical as you can get yet I find ENFPs extremely genuine people. I think Blackcat's statement about ENFP charming had more to do with how he saw it rather than accurately describing an ENFP socialization style.

Although I do agree with Udog's statement, the ENFPs I know become very interested in people that don't like them. Can't count the number of conversations about "that guy at the party that wouldn't talk to me." I don't know if they take it personally or what.

I'm by no means a casanova, but I will admit that I obsess a bit over women who shun me. It's like "I'm a generally well liked person, so if this girl doesn't like me there's gotta be a good reason for that!". The cycle inevitably ends with me dismissing the girl's importance (and reaffirming myself: "I won't change for anyone!" Fi lvl up!) and moving on.

well imo it's because we feel like we can resolve anything...like we're just one really great illuminating conversation away from getting it all sorted out....because we're optimists that feel like if there's a will there's a way...haha because we're passionate and believe in really trying/ fighting for things we want and because we believe everyone has the potential to be great and we hold out hope too long that it will be realized...until we don't.

That's some hippie poetry right there, but all true nonetheless

 

[BlackCat]

well imo it's because we feel like we can resolve anything...like we're just one really great illuminating conversation away from getting it all sorted out....because we're optimists that feel like if there's a will there's a way...haha because we're passionate and believe in really trying/ fighting for things we want and because we believe everyone has the potential to be great and we hold out hope too long that it will be realized...until we don't.

What if that illuminating conversation doesn't work? Do you repeat the cycle? I will admit it's hard for me to let go if I saw/see potential, but I mostly just resolve it in my head and move on.

 

[Lady_X]

well yeah...that's when we say screw it.

it's just that interpersonal relationships are our thing, you know? so we don't half ass it. we give 100% until we don't.

 

[Udog]

damn that's a statement, isn't it?

Why?

I will clarify one point: The thing I love about ENFPs is that their charm is a natural extension of them simply expressing themselves. It's very genuine.