@ crescent fresh --
i think you do see some accuracies in behavior, but you misunderstand our motivation and intentions. now, perhaps what you said is true in the cases you have seen, but i can think of a whole lot of other reasons that i would behave in a similar way but with completely, totally different intentions.
i like your name btw
I have experienced the same issues with ENFPs.
I know that they are trying to be friendly by connecting to various types of people, though it seems to me that they have a habit of asking "friendly" questions just for the sake of having a conversation instead of having a "genuine" talk.
One case in point is, I've known many ENFPs often ask questions even if they already know the answers from others.
well, to start out with, is that really deceptive, or inauthentic? or is it just being private?
honestly, sometimes i don't really know how to start and/or continue a conversation, so i'll ask about something that i know will be a good touch-off point. we don't possess your Fe social ease, unfortunately. it's not that i'm not genuine, it's that i'm just not conversationally brilliant, and you have to start on
some kind of mutual ground. what i ask about might not be what i'm interested in, but it's a launching point into deeper conversation.
secondly, understand that we tend to be very curious and often find out things we aren't
supposed to know, or that we really don't want to get into how we found out. people tend to randomly open up around us - i mean this completely seriously, recently this woman i
just met - like 2 days ago - at work started telling me things about her husband she apparently hadn't voiced to anyone in years - and so sometimes it's a bit of an awkward situation, and asking just makes things easier. if i met her husband i would never be up front about what she told me, though i might ask to see what his side of the story was, too.
Another example is that if something is kept as a secret, or being told in confidence, they would 'purposely' pretend that they don't know any of it and try to dig out more infos from others just for the 'sake' of conversation!
i don't feel any obligation to tell people everything i know, do you? i don't say this with any malice. i just don't see it as my responsibility to have to tell someone something if i think it's going to make things more awkward between us. and i do like to know things. i like being aware.
also sometimes i forget details. okay so a lot of times i forget details. and because i don't know the
exact info, i don't want to risk saying anything and getting it wrong or getting anyone else in trouble, which tends to happen when discussing secrets.
but again, how do you know that this is precluding genuine talk? because honestly i couldn't give a rat's ass about conversation with most people. i like learning ideas and talking about ideas and being with people, but i can't say i've ever really cared enough about
conversation to prolong it, unless i
really stood to gain from it. i'd be way more likely to fake a sore throat to not have to talk to you than to bother pressing conversation if i'm not interested in you as a person.
and yes, sometimes i do talk with people for the sake of getting information i need to know. i find it hard to believe that as Ni dom you do not do the same thing. still, the feelings i express and the interest i express are always genuine. compassion happens naturally, i don't need to pretend.
But what I can't stand the most is that they can talk so sweetly and friendly to those people even if they already have developed a strong hatred against them (being bottled up for the sake of popularity). That's something I consider to be incredibly flakey and I wouldn't do it personally (no matter how much INFJs are into peace-keeping).
same question, are you really sure it's for the sake of popularity?
there are some people that really piss me off, but i can see that there will be no longterm good in confronting them, unless they're doing something really unethical. i know a girl that is self-absorbed and talks at 120 miles a minute, and i can't stand her. but why would i be mean to her? i think that she is a good person, because i believe that all people are good in some ways, but i really don't like to be around her. so when i have to talk to her, i try to focus on the places where i empathize with her. and i do genuinely like
some things about her. i can say this for almost all people i dislike. and i have to work with her, so what's the point in being cold to her? it would just make her feel bad and make our work situation awkward.
i'd say the flipside of this is NFJs being cold to people, which i have seen often in action. is that really a kinder thing to do? to be standoffish? do you think it really helps anyone change or understand what you don't like about them? because, ime, it doesn't. people just wonder why you dislike them so much. might as well just be nice and enjoy as much of their personality as you possibly can.
which, don't get me wrong, i love NFJs. i've dated them and like to keep them around as friends.
but i think you misunderstand our intentions. lazy, disorganized, forgetful, curious, secretive, yes. but intentionally deceptive and inauthentic for the sake of our own gain? i doubt it. being inauthentic is
always loss to Fi.
ENFPs!
