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  1. #171
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freeeekyyy View Post
    Actually, I believe ENFP is the most common intuitive type. ISTJ is the most common type among males and ESFJ among females. The most common type of both sexes is ISFJ.
    right. the only stat i'm familiar with, is this: ENFPs account for about 2–8% of the population.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  2. #172
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    @ crescent fresh --

    i think you do see some accuracies in behavior, but you misunderstand our motivation and intentions. now, perhaps what you said is true in the cases you have seen, but i can think of a whole lot of other reasons that i would behave in a similar way but with completely, totally different intentions.
    I'll take your words for it. Thanks for your insightful reply as I didn't expect a serious reply just based on my blatant statement.


    i like your name btw
    Thanks for your compliment, skylight! It honestly took me less than 5 minutes to come up with this one. *grins*

    I absolutely adore your avatar. It's wonderfully mesmerizing (I now realized that most INFJ posters' avatars are often dream-like, though I'm not entirely sure of your typology.)


    well, to start out with, is that really deceptive, or inauthentic? or is it just being private?

    honestly, sometimes i don't really know how to start and/or continue a conversation, so i'll ask about something that i know will be a good touch-off point. we don't possess your Fe social ease, unfortunately. it's not that i'm not genuine, it's that i'm just not conversationally brilliant, and you have to start on some kind of mutual ground. what i ask about might not be what i'm interested in, but it's a launching point into deeper conversation.
    I suppose I should've given you a context. There seems to be a pattern where they would often ask a question even though they already know the answers (and that the answers weren't favorable to them, that's the irony). For example, let's say A (who's an ENFP) vented to me once about other friend, B about things that they have already heard from another, C. Their ethical issues clashes (without B knowing about it, of course), and A chose to vent it all to me, which is fine. Then if we all gathered on another day, A will 'deliberately' ask questions about B's sets of values (knowing that his answers would be somewhat unfavorable to most people), without contributing his opinions on the matter. Both C and I gave a look to each other and it seems to us that he's trying to make a silent contribution by showing how wrong B is just simply by asking an ingenuine, deceptive question. I just wonder it's better off to show disagreement not behind others' back but deal with it in person directly, which seems most ENFPs who I've been interacted with don't do that. They seem to care about their image a lot, or popularity. Anyhow, I thought I should give you a context regarded to my negative comment earlier.

    secondly, understand that we tend to be very curious and often find out things we aren't supposed to know, or that we really don't want to get into how we found out. people tend to randomly open up around us - i mean this completely seriously, recently this woman i just met - like 2 days ago - at work started telling me things about her husband she apparently hadn't voiced to anyone in years - and so sometimes it's a bit of an awkward situation, and asking just makes things easier. if i met her husband i would never be up front about what she told me, though i might ask to see what his side of the story was, too.
    This I have to disagree. I think they have this incredibly ability to talk in a way to lead others to open up to them, so that they can get an advantage of strong personal connections, or winning people over. Seriously, they often do that whenever there's a new comer in their circle. I also feel that, both consciously and subconsciously, they wanted people to open up to them (of course only to those who they're interested in) in an very early stage, so I wouldn't say that they purposedly do that for the sake of popularity, but I felt it's rather ingenuine to let others to open to you because it should take some time for that. I mean opening up also invites the door of fragility, I am very careful to choose who to open up with, but with ENFPs, I often felt there's a hidden force there which I had to constantly watch out for myself, as I'm a very private person.



    i don't feel any obligation to tell people everything i know, do you? i don't say this with any malice. i just don't see it as my responsibility to have to tell someone something if i think it's going to make things more awkward between us. and i do like to know things. i like being aware.
    That's quite interesting as that's exactly what one of them complained about me. I agree with you, I suppose sometimes INFJs tend to take words very seriously. It's almost like signing a contract. Though I do have an issue with them not able to keep promises consistently. But I can see your point here and agree as well.

    also sometimes i forget details. okay so a lot of times i forget details. and because i don't know the exact info, i don't want to risk saying anything and getting it wrong or getting anyone else in trouble, which tends to happen when discussing secrets.
    I can see that as well. Though if someone makes an important or genuine statement to others, it's equally important to remember the details. And I'm not talking about small things. I suppose that's when both INFJs an ENFPs start clashing.

    but again, how do you know that this is precluding genuine talk? because honestly i couldn't give a rat's ass about conversation with most people. i like learning ideas and talking about ideas and being with people, but i can't say i've ever really cared enough about conversation to prolong it, unless i really stood to gain from it. i'd be way more likely to fake a sore throat to not have to talk to you than to bother pressing conversation if i'm not interested in you as a person.
    Though even with people they are close to, I often felt changing a random topic when others are talking about something genuine or private is quite rude. Though they don't consider this as a rude act by saying, "every people do change topics." I mean I could be biased, but I often felt like talking to them requires a great deal of patience as if they are not 'in tune' with their moods to have a meaningful and deep conversation, they can just flip the channels easily without waiting for the right timing to do so.


    same question, are you really sure it's for the sake of popularity?

    there are some people that really piss me off, but i can see that there will be no longterm good in confronting them, unless they're doing something really unethical. i know a girl that is self-absorbed and talks at 120 miles a minute, and i can't stand her. but why would i be mean to her? i think that she is a good person, because i believe that all people are good in some ways, but i really don't like to be around her. so when i have to talk to her, i try to focus on the places where i empathize with her. and i do genuinely like some things about her. i can say this for almost all people i dislike. and i have to work with her, so what's the point in being cold to her? it would just make her feel bad and make our work situation awkward.
    The reason why I say they do this for the sake of popularity is that yes, you are right on with how hard they try to believe that everyone deserves to have a chance to be good, no matter how annoying or irritating they are to 'others,' but once the same group of people try to criticize them about their image, even worse so in public, they can treat the same group of people badly behind their backs, while still trying hard to maintain a good feeling with them in person.

    Though please don't take this personally btw, as I'm seriously new to this scene. I'm definitely not trying to generalize everyone here with my limited knowledge but just to explain why I made those statement about ENFPs. No offense, I hope.


    i'd say the flipside of this is NFJs being cold to people, which i have seen often in action. is that really a kinder thing to do? to be standoffish? do you think it really helps anyone change or understand what you don't like about them? because, ime, it doesn't. people just wonder why you dislike them so much. might as well just be nice and enjoy as much of their personality as you possibly can.
    This is so true. I think up to this date it's my biggest flaw. I do try hard to create a warm vibes as I do believe in myself as a caring person. Though if I had discovered a bad side of human nature, I do make them feel cold or keeping a distance away from them. I'm not sure if this is a typical INFJ quality, but I felt that's just part of my defensive mechanism (and a bad one, I truly admit).

    I swear if there's one magic pill for me, I would love to be able to mingle with people who I dislike. Though I don't dislike someone easily unless I felt s/he is being unethical or unreasonably self-righteous.


    but i think you misunderstand our intentions. lazy, disorganized, forgetful, curious, secretive, yes. but intentionally deceptive and inauthentic for the sake of our own gain? i doubt it. being inauthentic is always loss to Fi.
    You could be right. I'm still trying to learn. Btw, I'm still amazed some of the quality posts the posters have contributed (you included). I'm quite new to this scene and I still have many things to learn. Do you have any good sources for recommendation? Btw, thanks for your reply as it got me thinking more carefully about the issues which I'd been in conflict with a few of my peeps.

  3. #173
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    ps does anyone else hate the word "flakey"? i feel like it's such an easy way out. call someone flakey and you don't have to bother trying to understand them, because they're just totally two-faced. and they can't win in your eyes - if they do something right they're just being manipulative, and if they do something wrong, they're unreliable.
    *spits coffee*

    You are so right in that matter, though I honestly felt they are sincere in nature, perhaps they don't know how to refine their conversational skills via interpersonal communication. I often felt they are consistently good at speaking to a larger group of people, compared to one-on-one intimate coversation.


    on the other hand, i feel like i have seemed a little flakey to a friend of mine lately. the problem is, we have really different tastes, and she always wants me to do stuff i really don't like. she'll ask if i want to hang out on thursday, and i'll say sure, give me a call thursday morning, and she'll call me at 7 pm when i'm having dinner with my family or SO. or we'll make plans to "go out" on the weekend, and she'll call 30 minutes before she wants to leave (but i live 25 minutes from downtown) and then she'll inform me that if we don't leave soon, she can't go, because she wants to be home by 10. i don't even usually leave the house by 10 on the weekends. or she'll want to go get fast food, but i'm trying hard to eat healthy. and i always have to drive because she is a terrifyingly bad driver and never has gas. and the last time we went out, she pretended to be drunk after some fruity little thing that wouldn't even get a toddler drunk and yelled at random guys on the street from my car. and then she complains about me - me not keeping plans if i agree to do things with her, or me not hanging out with her if i don't agree to do things with her, or me not enjoying myself if i do things with her! so if that's flakey for you, then yes, i suppose i am a flake...
    Thanks for sharing such hilarious episode! I know your pain and I honestly felt I was in a similar situation but just the role reversed (I assume your are an ENFP right? Though your profile doesn't clearly stated...)

    I was on a trip with my family and then I ordered three cheese cakes (a bit costy, but I love buying gifts for my friends whenever I'm on trips anyways), have them wrapped with dry ice, and took a flight back home (3 hours). Anyways, by the time I got home, which takes another hour by coach, I'm thrilled to give one of them to my best friend.

    So I called, and told him that there are two cakes waiting for him and his girlfriend to pick up. He then suggested to meet during dinner with his friends, asking me to bring the cake along. I declined and said I'll join them once they're done with dinner with friends. He asked me to wait for another hour. So I was preparing myself, dressing up and all that, cuz I look rather like a slob after the return flight. Then I got another call asking me to wait for an 'additional' hour cuz his friends won't leave them (they were drinking by then). I was quite upset at this point and just politely tell him that it's a bit late (around 9 p.m.) and that perhaps they should come pick it up the next day. He agreed. But guess what, at 11:30 p.m. he called and told me that they are already out waiting for me "while" invited another friend of ours. So I almost fainted because I only have two cakes for them, not intended a 3rd person is tagging along! After my parents found out about this, they just asked me to give up our cake and give it to them all (my heart was torn at this point because it was my mother who suggested buying the cake), and now I felt all this could have been avoided if he had paid a little more attention on our phone coversation earlier as I purposed told him over the phone that I had two cakes, one for you, and another for your g/f!

    Anyways, just thought it's better for me to illustrate to you how i put the term 'flakey' in context.

  4. #174
    Senior Member Chiharu's Avatar
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    First off: ENFPs make up less than 5% of the population. SJs are the most common type, closely followed by SPs. NFs and NTs are VERY distant 3rd and 4th, respectively. Do some reading Algora J. She's Just Not That Into You DEFINITELY does not have an ENFP feel. Just, no.

    Secondly, since you're not an ENFP, don't try to say what other ENFPs think, feel, or value. Especially since you're obviously not very good at it.

    Finally, we will deal with a load of s*** if we love you, but piss us off sufficiently and we'll end it so fast you'll get whiplash.

    And our self esteem isn't that low and we can usually interpret compliments as they were intended. And... you know what, this thread just pisses me off to no end. there will never be a true "Finally" is I keep at this.

    So, to end this: b**** please

  5. #175
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    I am still waiting to hear how to ceaselessly string along an ENFP...

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