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  1. #161
    He who laughs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    for real... me either and i totally respect privacy. i hate when people break my trust in them by being too lose with privileged information. i wouldn't do that to anyone else.
    yes, sometimes it a good idea to say no when people give you personal info. The problem is how YOU deal with the info you know and the understanding of the reponsibility that entails. Not everyone is capable of that and goes beyond ENFP. I have seen some EXFPs and EXFJs being rather loose in their distribution of infomation, but Im not keeping that against all EXFPs and EXFJs. There's noone worse than people who gossip constantly though


    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    ps does anyone else hate the word "flakey"? i feel like it's such an easy way out. call someone flakey and you don't have to bother trying to understand them, because they're just totally two-faced. and they can't win in your eyes - if they do something right they're just being manipulative, and if they do something wrong, they're unreliable.

    but

    here are some things i am:
    • indecisive
    • a procrastinator
    • in favor of being generally liked
    • forgetful in regards to minor factual detail
    • running 3 minutes late about 20% of the time
    • somewhat impulsive
    • anxious


    here are some things i am not:
    • insincere
    • untrustworthy (note that you NEED to tell me when i am supposed to keep something confidential, i do not discuss other people's opinions as a general rule but sometimes if related things come up in conversation i might mention something you said because i think it's smart/interesting/relevant unless i know it is private)
    • premeditatively manipulative (my style of manipulation - and let's face it, everyone manipulates - is more like skirting my way out of getting in trouble)
    • backstabbing
    • unreliable
    • without integrity


    on the other hand, i feel like i have seemed a little flakey to a friend of mine lately. the problem is, we have really different tastes, and she always wants me to do stuff i really don't like. she'll ask if i want to hang out on thursday, and i'll say sure, give me a call thursday morning, and she'll call me at 7 pm when i'm having dinner with my family or SO. or we'll make plans to "go out" on the weekend, and she'll call 30 minutes before she wants to leave (but i live 25 minutes from downtown) and she'll want to be home by 10. i don't even usually leave the house by 10 on the weekends. or she'll want to go get milkshakes and fast food, but i'm trying hard to eat healthy. and the last time we went out, she pretended to be drunk after some fruity little thing that wouldn't even get a toddler drunk and yelled at random guys on the street from my car. and then she complains that we don't hang out! well, if she actually paid attention to my interests and likes, maybe we would...
    two points:
    1) If I was to tell you something in private or in a smaller group I will trust you, that means I know this info will never go anywhere beyond you. Thats what being a friend means. Needing to tell you not to say this is kind of redundant to me.

    2) On this girl: Why dont you just tell her what she's doing wrong?

  2. #162
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    good posts skylights.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #163
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    i just read the OP. I want to slap any ENFP (plus the author) that resembles that across the face multiple times. And no its not so they may end up liking me, its actually so they eventually end up resent me as much I do them.

  4. #164
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    I have experienced the same issues with ENFPs.

    I know that they are trying to be friendly by connecting to various types of people, though it seems to me that they have a habit of asking "friendly" questions just for the sake of having a conversation instead of having a "genuine" talk.

    One case in point is, I've known many ENFPs often ask questions evenif they already know the answers from others. Another example is that if something is kept as a secret, or being told in confidence, they would 'purposely' pretend that they don't know any of it and try to dig out more infos from others just for the 'sake' of conversation!

    But what I can't stand the most is that they can talk so sweetly and friendly to those people even if they already have developed a strong hatred against them (being bottled up for the sake of popularity). That's something I consider to be incredibly flakey and I wouldn't do it personally (no matter how much INFJs are into peace-keeping).

    Though I must say that ENFPs have their own charms and I think I finally get it when they often defended themselves that they're not acting or stealing attention by being chatty with everyone all the time. Cuz that's exactly how Lady X and my ENFP friend has worded.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm often amazed by their high level of enthusiasm with people and their charms!
    Bottling up hatred and pretending to be nice for the sake of popularity? I'm sorry, but are you sure you aren't confusing ENFPs with ESFJs?

    If I hate you, I'll let you know. You'll know. The thing is, though, I'm ACTUALLY very forgiving, it's mostly hard for me to hold grudges so the truth is...I may have just forgiven the person or gotten over it. Really.

  5. #165
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slowriot View Post
    two points:
    1) If I was to tell you something in private or in a smaller group I will trust you, that means I know this info will never go anywhere beyond you. Thats what being a friend means. Needing to tell you not to say this is kind of redundant to me.
    well, i think it kind of depends on what we're talking about, of course. i wouldn't share someone's negative thoughts about someone else. i wouldn't share your pains or fears, or situations you were concerned about, or anything very personal like that. but once a friend told me some information about a complicated situation that we were in, that i didn't know was secret, and then someone else asked me what i knew, and my friend got really, really upset at me when i told the other person and it backfired. i felt awful. i really had no idea.

    2) On this girl: Why dont you just tell her what she's doing wrong?
    yeah, that's the thing, i have.

    i've tried to tell her this stuff. i feel bad, we've been friends a long time, i keep trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, and it's just not working out. i think we both changed a lot over the past few years apart and we're not really as compatible as we once were.

    which, could really be a problem with me and possibly other ENFPs (though potentially it is enneagram-related on my part). i have a hard time saying no and cutting people off even when i probably should for both of our benefit. i like to think that there is a way for us to still be good friends and hang out. and she keeps contacting me. i'm not sure how to break away without hurting her feelings. it may not be a possibility.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    good posts skylights.
    thanks yours as well

  6. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Bottling up hatred and pretending to be nice for the sake of popularity? I'm sorry, but are you sure you aren't confusing ENFPs with ESFJs?

    If I hate you, I'll let you know. You'll know. The thing is, though, I'm ACTUALLY very forgiving, it's mostly hard for me to hold grudges so the truth is...I may have just forgiven the person or gotten over it. Really.
    totally agree, and none of the ENFPs i know do it.
    Even the really unhealthy ones. I mean theyve got plenty of wierd problems but artificially being nice to people they hate is not one of them. And its sure not one of my mine.

  7. #167
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotpinkHeatwave View Post
    Crescent Flesh, you're stereotyping. You must be basing all that on personal experience.. Because I don't do ANY of that. ESPECIALLY the 'bottling it up' thing. Fuck that. If I don't like someone/a group of people, I won't be nice to them so I can be liked as well. I could care less.
    Hmmm... Crescent Flesh sounds too ENFPish for me. (j/k)

    I didn't mean to upset you, HpHw. Suppose I'm stereotyping as I haven't met enough ENFP yet, nor I'm highly educated in this field, I was just sharing my P.O.V. via my personal experience. After reading some of other ENFP posters' posts, I believe you're right about them. It's just that those who got tested for ENFP all shared similiar traits within my circle of friends. Anyways, didn't mean to upset you at all.

  8. #168
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    Hmmm... Crescent Flesh sounds too ENFPish for me. (j/k)

    I didn't mean to upset you, HpHw. Suppose I'm stereotyping as I haven't met enough ENFP yet, nor I'm highly educated in this field, I was just sharing my P.O.V. via my personal experience. After reading some of other ENFP posters' posts, I believe you're right about them. It's just that those who got tested for ENFP all shared similiar traits within my circle of friends. Anyways, didn't mean to upset you at all.
    i really don't think you're wrong about the behaviors. perhaps not every ENFP exhibits them, but i do see at least some of those behaviors in myself and other ENFPs i know. they're just not malicious in intent - though perhaps, at times, misguided.

  9. #169
    Cheeseburgers freeeekyyy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Algora J View Post
    Since ENFPs are the most common type in the population
    Actually, I believe ENFP is the most common intuitive type. ISTJ is the most common type among males and ESFJ among females. The most common type of both sexes is ISFJ.
    You lose.

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  10. #170
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    ps does anyone else hate the word "flakey"? i feel like it's such an easy way out. call someone flakey and you don't have to bother trying to understand them, because they're just totally two-faced. and they can't win in your eyes - if they do something right they're just being manipulative, and if they do something wrong, they're unreliable.

    but

    here are some things i am:
    • indecisive
    • a procrastinator
    • in favor of being generally liked
    • forgetful in regards to minor factual detail
    • running 3 minutes late about 20% of the time
    • somewhat impulsive
    • anxious


    here are some things i am not:
    • insincere
    • untrustworthy (note that you NEED to tell me when i am supposed to keep something confidential, i do not discuss other people's opinions as a general rule but sometimes if related things come up in conversation i might mention something you said because i think it's smart/interesting/relevant unless i know it is private)
    • premeditatively manipulative (my style of manipulation - and let's face it, everyone manipulates - is more like skirting my way out of getting in trouble)
    • backstabbing
    • unreliable
    • without integrity


    on the other hand, i feel like i have seemed a little flakey to a friend of mine lately. the problem is, we have really different tastes, and she always wants me to do stuff i really don't like. she'll ask if i want to hang out on thursday, and i'll say sure, give me a call thursday morning, and she'll call me at 7 pm when i'm having dinner with my family or SO. or we'll make plans to "go out" on the weekend, and she'll call 30 minutes before she wants to leave (but i live 25 minutes from downtown) and then she'll inform me that if we don't leave soon, she can't go, because she wants to be home by 10. i don't even usually leave the house by 10 on the weekends. or she'll want to go get fast food, but i'm trying hard to eat healthy. and i always have to drive because she is a terrifyingly bad driver and never has gas. and the last time we went out, she pretended to be drunk after some fruity little thing that wouldn't even get a toddler drunk and yelled at random guys on the street from my car. and then she complains about me - me not keeping plans if i agree to do things with her, or me not hanging out with her if i don't agree to do things with her, or me not enjoying myself if i do things with her! so if that's flakey for you, then yes, i suppose i am a flake...
    1. i hate the word flaky. such a cop-out and excuse to not communicate your needs/feelings to someone.

    2. great post. i've nothing to add as i think it's very accurate.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


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