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  1. #91
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Interesting. So, I've been involved with an ENFP male for two years... and I -don't- want to string him along (just for the record). Although we care about each other (he's very important to me), we're friends first and foremost. We're young, and prefer our freedom over being in a committed relationship. As a result, we've developed some kind caring but no-strings-attached relationship (or so I think?).

    However, his words don't always line up with his actions. When my sister first met him (about 6 months ago... she's also an ENFP I believe), she said "By the way he was talking to me about you, I'm surprised he's not at your door serenading you every night." When we're in public, he's affectionate, and when we're alone, he's emotionally unavailable. Neither of which bothers me... except the inconsistency. As an ST... it has to make sense!! And he is a total puzzle to me. Some lovely ENFP chap want to explain this puzzle for me? It's driven me nuts from day 1.

  2. #92
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    hmmm...we can be a bit guarded...what do you mean by unavailable?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #93
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    I suppose guarded may be the better description. Truth be told, I was pretty infatuated when I first met him. But at the time he was having trouble leaving a relationship. We got in touch about 2-3 months later again, after he left her for good, but by that time I shut him out and put up -my- guard. Sometimes I suspect that's what causes all his multiple personalities around me. We talk from time to time about why we don't want a relationship, and he always voices that he's happy I'm still in his life, and it hurts him that a lot of people disappear from his life because they want more from him than he can give. I can really relate to that, but as I said.. sometimes he acts like -he- wants more. Then other times he acts like a typical 23-year-old guy (he even jokes about it.. "I just want to break crap, and hook up with someone"). The way he constantly flip-flops, I have no idea what he thinks about me... I suppose I find it frustrating and unnecessary when I'm not -asking- more from him. I genuinely care about our friendship

  4. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC939 View Post
    I suppose guarded may be the better description. Truth be told, I was pretty infatuated when I first met him. But at the time he was having trouble leaving a relationship. We got in touch about 2-3 months later again, after he left her for good, but by that time I shut him out and put up -my- guard. Sometimes I suspect that's what causes all his multiple personalities around me. We talk from time to time about why we don't want a relationship, and he always voices that he's happy I'm still in his life, and it hurts him that a lot of people disappear from his life because they want more from him than he can give. I can really relate to that, but as I said.. sometimes he acts like -he- wants more. Then other times he acts like a typical 23-year-old guy (he even jokes about it.. "I just want to break crap, and hook up with someone"). The way he constantly flip-flops, I have no idea what he thinks about me... I suppose I find it frustrating and unnecessary when I'm not -asking- more from him. I genuinely care about our friendship
    Go by your instincts. Listen to what he says. He is scared that you are gonna be like the rest of them and he will push you away. Its kinda hard at first, but try to talk about what you think you want in a relationship. Tell him what you like. He doesnt know what will push you away and doesnt see that him being guarded is pushing you away. He is just trying to figure out how to proceed without pushing to far.
    Im out, its been fun

  5. #95
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    one other thing. It seems like ENFPs need closure and it took 2-3 months to get there. If there was no closure expect that he/she will contact again. ENFPs like to talk about relationship problems for the same reason we need to figure out thinking type things. Its how they learn to adapt. They need to know who you are so they dont make the same mistake they think they made last time. There Ne will try to figure out what you want, but needs somewhere to start. Since they are Fi auxilary they dont need anywhere near as much direction as an ISTPs Ti, they just need an opening.

    edit: sorry I miss read at first, They are very adaptable people in regards to feelings and even if they want more they will probably settle for a friendship. Just make sure they know how you feel, they will try to adapt or move on. Thats really all you can do. If you are honest he doesnt see it as stringing him along.
    Im out, its been fun

  6. #96
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    we're probably extremely frustrating..i understand the going back and forth on it and we are guarded...and will hold back based on what we believe you're feeling...too much or too little will make me retreat a bit...i like it when it feels equal so i think i unintentionally try to keep it there.

    but we're usually pretty good at communicating and being upfront with our feelings once we've figured it out....just talk to him...i always answer honestly if asked directly...we have a bit of truth turettes i think.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #97
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    He is just trying to figure out how to proceed without pushing to far.

    Probably.

    I'm not really the smothering type but I'm always somewhat paranoid about the possibility of being perceived as such, if I really like someone, to the point of being too guarded sometimes. Never been in a relationship with someone I really loved, though. That's why they didn't last that long, so I'm guessing the guy would have told you if he didn't really connect with you. Meaning "the ENFP holding to bad relationships" can still be true, but only if there is some form of connection, I'd say(example : none of the girls I've been with really got me, so I never really felt too close to them.)

    Hope that made some sense. I'm not really an expert, but I can vouch for being too guarded. Sometimes sharing how you really feel feels like a shot in the foot. It feels like girls don't actually want to know how you feel about them. Hence the "mysterious man" clich. Once you're honest you lose your charm.

  8. #98
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    that's true...i never want to be too much but we CAN and do have the tendency to be over expressive or over emotive...don't we?? or is that just a girl thing? or a me thing? but i try to keep it in check...haha
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #99
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    that's true...i never want to be too much but we CAN and do have the tendency to be over expressive or over emotive...don't we?? or is that just a girl thing? or a me thing? but i try to keep it in check...haha
    Personally, I've always been very reserved when it came to my true feelings, but I think it's partially a conscious effort. I can't relate to over expressive/emotive though.

  10. #100
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    hmm...but i wonder how much that has to do with the people you've dated, you know?

    because...you have to feel it to express it...you know? or...maybe it's a girl thing....but it's more about just being direct for me i think.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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