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  1. #161
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kullervo View Post
    The last time I can remember vocally crying was when I subluxed my left knee badly a couple of years ago. I am sure that if you felt your bones detaching you would cry out in pain as well. So I don't feel bad about that.

    While I feel like crying quite often, and have a lot of reasons to drift into despair, I resist the urge to weep my heart out like some emo freak or teenage girl puking for the first time. Further, when I hear another guy cry or say he did, I automatically think what a loser he is, that he must be gay and have no sack. So I don't want to be like that...I mean, who wants to become the very thing they despise? There is nothing at all wrong with being a passionate person, in fact I think it's a positive, but it sucks when there's a storm brewing inside you half the time and can't channel any of it...

    I agree with what people have said about emotional release. But not everybody has this luxury.
    I respect guys when they cry about something serious.

    Whereas I don't respect people who feel like it's their right to shame anyone for showing vulnerability and expressing pain.

    Be the change you wish to see, you know?


  2. #162
    Member brainheart's Avatar
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    Define a lot.

    But probably yes.

    I wish I cried more than I do, though. I feel like I stifle it a lot.
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  3. #163
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I respect guys when they cry about something serious.

    Whereas I don't respect people who feel like it's their right to shame anyone for showing vulnerability and expressing pain.

    Be the change you wish to see, you know?

    Then you don't like most women.

    I am sorry for making this a gender issue but I find that women get seriously put off by men who cry, you are the first who has said otherwise. Every woman I've met has been disconcerted and turned off by it, and you get all the warnings about not to show any vulnerability around women when dating. And then, even if I did meet somebody who wasn't like that, I would be tortured about being less of a man for being expressive in that way. My identity is complex.

    You wouldn't know, but I also live in a household with very confident, macho type men (my father and brother). My mum is also very averse to emotional men. They would laugh, mock me and say I was making a fuss about nothing, none of them believe depression is real and think it's just my "excuse" for being lazy. To be fair to them, I am pretty lazy, and I also wish I was more like them. It's hard to be motivated when you feel like shit. Anyway I digress. What I'm trying to say is that it's not easy for many guys...I seem to be a lone voice on here. Pisses me off

  4. #164
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kullervo View Post
    Then you don't like most women.

    I am sorry for making this a gender issue but I find that women get seriously put off by men who cry, you are the first who has said otherwise. Every woman I've met has been disconcerted and turned off by it, and you get all the warnings about not to show any vulnerability around women when dating. And then, even if I did meet somebody who wasn't like that, I would be tortured about being less of a man for being expressive in that way. My identity is complex.

    You wouldn't know, but I also live in a household with very confident, macho type men (my father and brother). My mum is also very averse to emotional men. They would laugh, mock me and say I was making a fuss about nothing, none of them believe depression is real and think it's just my "excuse" for being lazy. To be fair to them, I am pretty lazy, and I also wish I was more like them. It's hard to be motivated when you feel like shit. Anyway I digress. What I'm trying to say is that it's not easy for many guys...I seem to be a lone voice on here. Pisses me off
    Mm, I like most women I meet. And most men. But I would not respect them for their harsh judgment.

    I do believe it, and I'm sorry that you face it. I'm actually sort of not surprised your family is like that, given how you seem at war with your identity in some ways. I do think there is a lot of pressure on men to be unemotional and to not show vulnerability or weakness, both from men and from women. I think there is fear sometimes on women's parts that if a man is a frequent crier, then he is not going to be strong enough to handle whatever life throws at him. Obviously that's an unfair assumption... But then, women aren't even expected to be strong much of the time, especially if they cry, so shitty gender stereotypes abound in general. That said, I have seen the men closest to me - dad, brother, and boyfriend - cry before, and I know my mom has, too. I suspect that women are more open to it when they are in close relationships and they know it is over a "serious" issue. In any case, I just think, if you can find a way to do what feels right and to not give a crap about what people say, it paves the way for everyone else. It's not your responsibility or anything... But it'd be cool if you could figure out how to do it.

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