[Fe] I feel like I'm applying Fe wrong?

[RoadPaveMent]

I saw an article about immature INFJs in Ni-Ti loops and their use of Fe to make harsh judgments and I wondered if it applies to this.

I fear self-pity. Self-pity takes the attention away from others and puts it on me, but do my problems really deserve such attention? I intake information about people’s pain and compare it to my life to try and decide if I’m over-exaggerating my problems. How can I know if I’m a drama queen without external points of reference? Everyone HATES drama queens and ingrates.

I fear jealousy. Jealousy blocks me from empathizing with someone, because I’m thinking that their life or their talents are awesome and they aren’t allowed to complain. I’m paranoid that people are jealous of me, too. The more jealousy I deserve for my advantages, the less I am allowed to feel pain.

I try to do things or remember past events in a way that I think people would pity me for. It doesn’t matter if it affected me a lot or a little; all that matters is that many would pity me. I’m always feeling bad for other people…why can’t someone else feel bad for me for a change? I don’t talk about such things IRL (what a drama queen would I be then??), but it gives me private encouragement that I do deserve to pity myself when I am threatened by someone else’s sob story.

I know I’m terribly judgmental, rude, blind, etc. I don’t want to be this way. Do you think being an INFJ has anything to do with this?

 

[flameskull95]

I think it's largely due to being an INFJ and having Ni-Ti turn against yourself at times. (Ti poses a framework --> Ni shoots it down ~ is solved when Se gives in an external input).

I don't think it's a bad thing to fear jealousy. We all take precautionary measures to secure ourselves. I think it's Fe to think that there is some sort of incompetency in reaching out to others. When to some people it's not even in their system to even care about another person's needs.

And I think being paranoid of other people is natural, I mean even other people would feel the same way about you at times, and maybe they wonder if you were jealous of them. I don't think there's anything anyone could do about that, because they have their own justifications and rationalizations that keep them from changing.

I wouldn't say I'm foreign to self pity, I usually victimize myself as an INFP. And I think I understand your problems, it's just that I've directed my attention elsewhere. While my more negative aspects would be to see how I feel about something and then shoot myself down with Si 'This is how it will always be'.
And I do think your problems (rather than who you are) deserve much attention from yourself. Because it seems as though your negating any possible solutions to your issues as much as you have those issues (which is understandable). And I think you would know what's best for yourself.

I don't think you're terribly judgmental, rude, blind, etc. but I think you're right on this being an INFJ thing. I think it merely boils down to the idea that you need to concentrate your energies on the more positive aspects of your being rather than the negative.

 

[RoadPaveMent]

I think it's largely due to being an INFJ and having Ni-Ti turn against yourself at times. (Ti poses a framework --> Ni shoots it down ~ is solved when Se gives in an external input).

I don't think it's a bad thing to fear jealousy. We all take precautionary measures to secure ourselves. I think it's Fe to think that there is some sort of incompetency in reaching out to others. When to some people it's not even in their system to even care about another person's needs.

And I think being paranoid of other people is natural, I mean even other people would feel the same way about you at times, and maybe they wonder if you were jealous of them. I don't think there's anything anyone could do about that, because they have their own justifications and rationalizations that keep them from changing.

I wouldn't say I'm foreign to self pity, I usually victimize myself as an INFP. And I think I understand your problems, it's just that I've directed my attention elsewhere. While my more negative aspects would be to see how I feel about something and then shoot myself down with Si 'This is how it will always be'.
And I do think your problems (rather than who you are) deserve much attention from yourself. Because it seems as though your negating any possible solutions to your issues as much as you have those issues (which is understandable). And I think you would know what's best for yourself.

I don't think you're terribly judgmental, rude, blind, etc. but I think you're right on this being an INFJ thing. I think it merely boils down to the idea that you need to concentrate your energies on the more positive aspects of your being rather than the negative.

Thanks for replying! I thought it was some kind of INFJ thing, and I appreciate how you can understand me despite not being an INFJ. Well, as much as someone on the outside can understand, of course.

I would think the paranoia would be helped by not caring how others judge us, which is definitely something all of us could benefit from. Although I hardly think of someone else being afraid that I will be jealous of them...not something I have considered before.

Not judgmental? Well, I think that the people whom I've made enemies with would disagree...I accused them of being jealous of me and hating me for it, and they didn't get what I meant...

To pay attention to myself, ah, it's against my wiring! Lol...but I can see your point... Once again, thanks for replying! Now I have stuff to think about.

 

[flameskull95]

Well, there's the thing that you can not care about how others judge you. Though people are going to judge you. I think it's more about accepting the fact that other people are in fact, 'other people' and they don't come to the same rationalizations and conclusions. For example, If you ever think a person may have 'approached a situation' you were in once 'at a different angle', than you would also have to consider the idea that the same person would have thought much differently about the situation to have approached it differently.

And we all get angry sometimes, I can't say I'm judgmental because I slur insults at the people I don't like. That's more of a human thing than a judgmental thing and we're not necessarily ourselves when we're angry.

and thanks for the thanks