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  1. #1
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    Default Enfj 4w3 sp tritype 478 female

    Okay so I wanted to make a post in the hopes that I may possibly find someone else out there in the big World Wide Web that perhaps shares a similar perspective and experience as myself. I am a 4 wing 3 self preservation tritype 478 enfj female. I know it's not a common personality type for whatever reason because although I do find my personality to be at the very least acceptable to most people who meet and know me, I have so very little in common with most people I know. I am often told in one way or another that I am unusual, unexpected, but in a positive way, perhaps because for some reason I come across as pretty charismatic to others. I'm constantly being told I hold a lot I influence over others in my life, and since I've heard it enough, I try to act responsibly in light of this . But I want to see if there are any other forum lurkers or posters that also share these same traits (labeled or not). I also have a few anxiety issues and major life changes in the past decade that lead me to wonder what I can attribute my behavior and world-view to. This is gonna be long!

    I'll expound a bit about myself. Like I said before, according to the enneagram, I am a true heart type, but the more fun and powerful type in my opinion. As a 4, my life revolves around relationships. Intimate, superficial, real, perceived, my own, others. It's nearly impossible for me not to view things without including how this impacts the relationships of people involved. If people are not involved in some way, I'm usually not interested in the issue. Haha. I don't think this is the same way someone would be into celebrity love gossip, or want to write love poetry all day (although I've been guilty of both haha) but more like seeing how everything, and everybody, in this world is connected, and how ultimately, results come down to who is involved and how they relate to each other, more or less.

    Okay, so that's how I see my primary function of 4, but I think my 3 wing comes into play where I often am the person who in social situations will try to get everyone involved in an activity, not because I'm trying to force everyone to do the same thing, but because I see how group activities make a lot of people happy. You have sense of belonging, loss of self-consciousness, bonding, I think it's great, and I will usually go to great lengths to promote it, often being very silly, very "on,; usually by the end of the night I am exhausted and need a day or two to recharge but most people look at me like I love to party, and where I live currently, bring the party lol. I think my 3 wing also makes me a bit more ambitious and extroverted than other 4s, it helps me to draw people out as to what they value and bring them closer in their lives to those things they value. If i am able to help, and i dont disagree with what they want, i try to make it happen. I love making people smile and laugh, that is more genuine to me than the verbal words thank you, and while I appreciate and treasure verbal thanks, I am more likely to discount it than an uncontrollable smile or laugh. I am in school to be an RN and being in charge of people care under me is something I enjoy. I feel like I have relatively free reign to satisfy people and forge positive relationships and experiences in their lives even under stress. If I didn't do nursing, I'd probably want to work for make a wish foundation haha.

    As far as my tritype, my second mode of behavior is at 7. I don't know everything about tritypes yet, but from what I understand, once my default behavior (4) fails to achieve the results I desire, the second kicks in, then the third. 7 is a body type, and focuses on seeking adventure, and I would say that often if I don't feel I can connect with someone on a deep enough level, I will abandon that and just try to enjoy the moment by having fun. I wouldn't call myself a traditional thrill seeker, necessarily, since I usually worry too much about what could go wrong in high risk situations, but I do like to try new things without risk to life and limb . I have a great love for novelty, whether its clothes, food, or entertainment, and usually when I'm feeling unfulfilled, that's where I turn to in efforts to cheer myself up.

    When I finally turn to 8, it's usually in high stress situations where both my diplomacy and ability to distract myself fail to deliver me out of unpleasant situations. Then I become very firm in what I believe in, what I need from a situation or person, and I become very blunt in my communication. Very few people actually see me like this, but when they do, thy always take me seriously, and I usually get results. When I don't, the 8 starts to express itself negatively where I feel as if nothing is working so I lash out and become very argumentative, or in behalf of someone I am defending, extremely protective and ready to attack. This happens rarely, but it does happen, and it can be a bit scary if you are on the other end. I don like myself like this and try to avoid behaving in that way as much as I can. I usually have a surge of adrenaline and sometimes a feeling like I can't breathe until the threat feels removed.

    I think my self-preserving instinct comes through in how I usually figure out how to get what I want, do what I want. I am very confident in my ability to survive, if not purely physically, socially by working people even, if I had to. Probably not the best trait to have, but there it is, I am a survivor :/

    As an enfj, I am not an extreme extrovert, more like a close split between extrovert and introvert. This makes me more extroverted in social situations where I'm around introverts and where I'm having a good time, but more introverted around those more extroverted than I am and in situations where I may be bored or don't feel like I fit in. My intuitive trait causes me to feel a lot of hunches about people and situations without sometimes knowing why until maybe later. I'm not sure how developed my intuition actually is but that could be because I'm married to another idealist haha . Because I'm a feeler, usually I don't feel like I have much control over how I feel, but I do feel like I have control over what I do about it. As a child and even as an adult, I always hated it when I was told I did not or should not feel a certain way, or should calm down and gain control over myself (my parents are ex-military). Because I know how overwhelming my own emotions can be, I am usually very tolerant of how others feel, although I also expect others to make the right choices despite them. Sometimes because I feel so strongly, I get very protective of my self, and can seem very cold and distant. Sometimes because I know how I feel towards someone doesn't coincide with how I feel about what they want from me, I put up a wall, otherwise I would end up going against my own values and feeling massive amounts of regret. I think this may also be my self-preserving instinct with enneagram. Lastly, because of my strong judging function, I tend to make decisions and come to conclusions very quickly which can be both good and bad. It can be a blessing because I don't over think everything and when a decision needs to be made, I can make it. But on the flip side sometimes I don't consider all the facts and end up making a poor decision that has far-reaching effects.

    I think as a female, this is an interesting combination because it can make me very assertive and aggressive and my husband is very low-key, so we make an interesting team.

    Now what makes me wonder if this is all personality or not is because I have OCD, GAD, and bipolar 2 which have their own features. My OCD makes it really hard for me to get the things done that I want to do. I end up focusing on and obsessing on unimportant things that would bug me unless I take care of them to my satisfaction. My general anxiety disorder makes it hard for me to sometimes rationalize the unlikelihood of some of fears actually coming true, and I think inhibits me from being more adventurous. Something may look cool and really fun, but my fear of disaster makes me chicken out a lot of times, which I hate . My bipolar 2 disorder obviously can make controlling g my emotions a challenge, but it is fairly mild and only really messes with me by sometimes making me feel like doing nothing for weeks and walking around in my pajamas and withdrawing from people for too long. Projects I have every intention of finishing or hobbies I enjoy suddenly get dropped and I cannot bring myself to re-engage (hence my email inbox of 7,000 emails lol). This makes me seem flighty and I don't like it. When I'm in an upswing and feeling slightly manic, that's when I often take up new interests and hobbies and spend lots of money (hello 7!!!).

    I wasn't fully aware of the true solid existence of these problems as a trying more than habits and quirks until I married in 2005 to a wonderful, patient infj. I also moved from a city in the northeast less than an hour from New York City to a small town in Kentucky which was a culture shock. Combined with being an only child and leaving home for the first time at 21, I have had an interesting 7 years.

    So, tell me about yourself. Do we share any of the same traits and experiences in common that could give me any insight as to what's what. I know in the end, everyone is a sum of parts like these, but just like with just mbti and just enneagram, it's comforting to know you are still unique while not being completely alone. Talk to me!
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  2. #2
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by utmostrose View Post
    Okay so I wanted to make a post in the hopes that I may possibly find someone else out there in the big World Wide I'll expound a bit about myself. Like I said before, according to the enneagram, I am a true heart type, but the more fun and powerful type in my opinion. As a 4, my life revolves around relationships. Intimate, superficial, real, perceived, my own, others. It's nearly impossible for me not to view things without including how this impacts the relationships of people involved. If people are not involved in some way, I'm usually not interested in the issue. Haha. I don't think this is the same way someone would be into celebrity love gossip, or want to write love poetry all day (although I've been guilty of both haha) but more like seeing how everything, and everybody, in this world is connected, and how ultimately, results come down to who is involved and how they relate to each other, more or less.

    Okay, so that's how I see my primary function of 4, but I think my 3 wing comes into play where I often am the person who in social situations will try to get everyone involved in an activity, not because I'm trying to force everyone to do the same thing, but because I see how group activities make a lot of people happy. You have sense of belonging, loss of self-consciousness, bonding, I think it's great, and I will usually go to great lengths to promote it, often being very silly, very "on,; usually by the end of the night I am exhausted and need a day or two to recharge but most people look at me like I love to party, and where I live currently, bring the party lol. I think my 3 wing also makes me a bit more ambitious and extroverted than other 4s, it helps me to draw people out as to what they value and bring them closer in their lives to those things they value. If i am able to help, and i dont disagree with what they want, i try to make it happen. I love making people smile and laugh, that is more genuine to me than the verbal words thank you, and while I appreciate and treasure verbal thanks, I am more likely to discount it than an uncontrollable smile or laugh. I am in school to be an RN and being in charge of people care under me is something I enjoy. I feel like I have relatively free reign to satisfy people and forge positive relationships and experiences in their lives even under stress. If I didn't do nursing, I'd probably want to work for make a wish foundation haha.
    That seriously sounds like a 2.

    Also, I don't appreciate your description of the 7, it makes us seem futile. I would connect it more to a 3. You see, the important thing about the enneagram is that it's not about what you do, but the motivation of why you do things. Have you stopped to wonder why 7 does things? It's not all roses.

    I'm 748 and I dont think you nail the 4 and the 7 descriptions. I'm not a 4 because I worry about other people, but because I have issues regarding my identity, me vs the world etc.

    Lastly, MBTI is not a connection of letters, but the sum of cognitive processes. Have you read about those?

    I would love to talk to you about being tritype 478, but first it would be good if you'd be sure of your type....are you really?

  3. #3
    Senior Member flameskull95's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by utmostrose View Post
    Okay so I wanted to make a post in the hopes that I may possibly find someone else out there in the big World Wide Web that perhaps shares a similar perspective and experience as myself. I am a 4 wing 3 self preservation tritype 478 enfj female. I know it's not a common personality type for whatever reason because although I do find my personality to be at the very least acceptable to most people who meet and know me, I have so very little in common with most people I know. I am often told in one way or another that I am unusual, unexpected, but in a positive way, perhaps because for some reason I come across as pretty charismatic to others. I'm constantly being told I hold a lot I influence over others in my life, and since I've heard it enough, I try to act responsibly in light of this . But I want to see if there are any other forum lurkers or posters that also share these same traits (labeled or not). I also have a few anxiety issues and major life changes in the past decade that lead me to wonder what I can attribute my behavior and world-view to. This is gonna be long!

    I'll expound a bit about myself. Like I said before, according to the enneagram, I am a true heart type, but the more fun and powerful type in my opinion. As a 4, my life revolves around relationships. Intimate, superficial, real, perceived, my own, others. It's nearly impossible for me not to view things without including how this impacts the relationships of people involved. If people are not involved in some way, I'm usually not interested in the issue. Haha. I don't think this is the same way someone would be into celebrity love gossip, or want to write love poetry all day (although I've been guilty of both haha) but more like seeing how everything, and everybody, in this world is connected, and how ultimately, results come down to who is involved and how they relate to each other, more or less.

    Okay, so that's how I see my primary function of 4, but I think my 3 wing comes into play where I often am the person who in social situations will try to get everyone involved in an activity, not because I'm trying to force everyone to do the same thing, but because I see how group activities make a lot of people happy. You have sense of belonging, loss of self-consciousness, bonding, I think it's great, and I will usually go to great lengths to promote it, often being very silly, very "on,; usually by the end of the night I am exhausted and need a day or two to recharge but most people look at me like I love to party, and where I live currently, bring the party lol. I think my 3 wing also makes me a bit more ambitious and extroverted than other 4s, it helps me to draw people out as to what they value and bring them closer in their lives to those things they value. If i am able to help, and i dont disagree with what they want, i try to make it happen. I love making people smile and laugh, that is more genuine to me than the verbal words thank you, and while I appreciate and treasure verbal thanks, I am more likely to discount it than an uncontrollable smile or laugh. I am in school to be an RN and being in charge of people care under me is something I enjoy. I feel like I have relatively free reign to satisfy people and forge positive relationships and experiences in their lives even under stress. If I didn't do nursing, I'd probably want to work for make a wish foundation haha.

    As far as my tritype, my second mode of behavior is at 7. I don't know everything about tritypes yet, but from what I understand, once my default behavior (4) fails to achieve the results I desire, the second kicks in, then the third. 7 is a body type, and focuses on seeking adventure, and I would say that often if I don't feel I can connect with someone on a deep enough level, I will abandon that and just try to enjoy the moment by having fun. I wouldn't call myself a traditional thrill seeker, necessarily, since I usually worry too much about what could go wrong in high risk situations, but I do like to try new things without risk to life and limb . I have a great love for novelty, whether its clothes, food, or entertainment, and usually when I'm feeling unfulfilled, that's where I turn to in efforts to cheer myself up.

    When I finally turn to 8, it's usually in high stress situations where both my diplomacy and ability to distract myself fail to deliver me out of unpleasant situations. Then I become very firm in what I believe in, what I need from a situation or person, and I become very blunt in my communication. Very few people actually see me like this, but when they do, thy always take me seriously, and I usually get results. When I don't, the 8 starts to express itself negatively where I feel as if nothing is working so I lash out and become very argumentative, or in behalf of someone I am defending, extremely protective and ready to attack. This happens rarely, but it does happen, and it can be a bit scary if you are on the other end. I don like myself like this and try to avoid behaving in that way as much as I can. I usually have a surge of adrenaline and sometimes a feeling like I can't breathe until the threat feels removed.

    I think my self-preserving instinct comes through in how I usually figure out how to get what I want, do what I want. I am very confident in my ability to survive, if not purely physically, socially by working people even, if I had to. Probably not the best trait to have, but there it is, I am a survivor :/

    As an enfj, I am not an extreme extrovert, more like a close split between extrovert and introvert. This makes me more extroverted in social situations where I'm around introverts and where I'm having a good time, but more introverted around those more extroverted than I am and in situations where I may be bored or don't feel like I fit in. My intuitive trait causes me to feel a lot of hunches about people and situations without sometimes knowing why until maybe later. I'm not sure how developed my intuition actually is but that could be because I'm married to another idealist haha . Because I'm a feeler, usually I don't feel like I have much control over how I feel, but I do feel like I have control over what I do about it. As a child and even as an adult, I always hated it when I was told I did not or should not feel a certain way, or should calm down and gain control over myself (my parents are ex-military). Because I know how overwhelming my own emotions can be, I am usually very tolerant of how others feel, although I also expect others to make the right choices despite them. Sometimes because I feel so strongly, I get very protective of my self, and can seem very cold and distant. Sometimes because I know how I feel towards someone doesn't coincide with how I feel about what they want from me, I put up a wall, otherwise I would end up going against my own values and feeling massive amounts of regret. I think this may also be my self-preserving instinct with enneagram. Lastly, because of my strong judging function, I tend to make decisions and come to conclusions very quickly which can be both good and bad. It can be a blessing because I don't over think everything and when a decision needs to be made, I can make it. But on the flip side sometimes I don't consider all the facts and end up making a poor decision that has far-reaching effects.

    I think as a female, this is an interesting combination because it can make me very assertive and aggressive and my husband is very low-key, so we make an interesting team.

    Now what makes me wonder if this is all personality or not is because I have OCD, GAD, and bipolar 2 which have their own features. My OCD makes it really hard for me to get the things done that I want to do. I end up focusing on and obsessing on unimportant things that would bug me unless I take care of them to my satisfaction. My general anxiety disorder makes it hard for me to sometimes rationalize the unlikelihood of some of fears actually coming true, and I think inhibits me from being more adventurous. Something may look cool and really fun, but my fear of disaster makes me chicken out a lot of times, which I hate . My bipolar 2 disorder obviously can make controlling g my emotions a challenge, but it is fairly mild and only really messes with me by sometimes making me feel like doing nothing for weeks and walking around in my pajamas and withdrawing from people for too long. Projects I have every intention of finishing or hobbies I enjoy suddenly get dropped and I cannot bring myself to re-engage (hence my email inbox of 7,000 emails lol). This makes me seem flighty and I don't like it. When I'm in an upswing and feeling slightly manic, that's when I often take up new interests and hobbies and spend lots of money (hello 7!!!).

    I wasn't fully aware of the true solid existence of these problems as a trying more than habits and quirks until I married in 2005 to a wonderful, patient infj. I also moved from a city in the northeast less than an hour from New York City to a small town in Kentucky which was a culture shock. Combined with being an only child and leaving home for the first time at 21, I have had an interesting 7 years.

    So, tell me about yourself. Do we share any of the same traits and experiences in common that could give me any insight as to what's what. I know in the end, everyone is a sum of parts like these, but just like with just mbti and just enneagram, it's comforting to know you are still unique while not being completely alone. Talk to me!
    I think as a 4, it's normal to have doubts about your enneagram (especially cause I do ). But even if OCD and those instigate quirks, wouldn't that also inevitably be a part of who you are? and hence, your personality?

    Well, I'm defs sure I'm 4w5. I can relate heavily to the 4w3 description too, but I'm more of the type to be overwhelmed by the world and philosophize my life in turn, with these philosophies usually having not as much basis, as the thoughts and feelings that surround them (aha?).

    I'm all about withdrawal, it's even worse when I develop some random envy-driven imagery in my head (that usually concerns myself as well) that reminds me of all the negative past feelings that I've had. But I think that is an endless source of creativity that many other types are yet to come in contact with also.

    I can actually relate to all of this but I don't know to how to reply because I get stumped with the exact same stuff. And this thing about being adventurous and being this idealized self is really not all it's cut out to be. I mean a lot of people are like that by personality without even having to think about it, and I think what makes 4s like you and me special is that we have a very subjective grip on life that is more of a 'drive' than we could possibly ever imagine through our subjective lenses. While a more extroverted person would feel more consumed by the information that surrounds him/her and wouldn't have as much ability to pay attention to their own needs. And i think one thing that makes us who we are, is a want to be this more extroverted or adventurous individual.

    And imagine changing schools to a completely different country, with a completely different language, and having to go to imperialistic "rote learning"-driven education system with corporal punishment included. Now that's culture shock.
    I'm a INFP - The sociopath

    I think I'm either a 4w5, 4w3, 6w5 or 9w1. Most possibly 4w5.

    Feeling FiNe

  4. #4
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    Hi pinkgraffiti! Thanks for the response! I have seen you around the boards and am happy to hear from you I apologize I didn't respond sooner. I suspected this post wasn't telling when I got responses back in my email and I was right.

    So, yes, I know I sound a lot like a 2. In fact, I've often thought I was a 2. And I have actually tested as a 2 twice, but most often as a 4. Even when I test as a 2, 4 is usually only one or two points away, and tbh, I identify with 4 more. There is something. About 2 that just does not speak to me the same way. There's something a little too safe, a little too regular *for me* about the 2 profile. And that let's me know for sure I'm a 4. Lol.

    I apologize for making it seem like my view of 7 is futile, or anything else negative. When I brought in my tritype and discussed 7, I didn't mean it as that's how I see 7s, or understand them to be, I meant, those are the traits of a 7 in my tritype that I see most often in myself. I'm sure my husband or friends or family could identify other things, but the way I perceive that it manifests in me most readily is how I described it. I'm not by default behaving as a 7 most of the time, only when my 4 tricks run out (wink), and so usually they've not had as much practice as being as polished or effective. I'm also more likely to not be as comfortable mentally or emotionally when I start tapping into 7 because I usually have to work harder for whatever it is I want and am not able to get, so I'm probably going to be exhibiting 7 perhaps in a more negative or at best neautral way than I would 4. I haven't read up too much on 7 as I have 4 or even 8 (8 has always intrigued me), so I'm sure my knowledge of how it fully works in my life is limited. If it weren't, I probably wouldn't be making a post about it all

    I also have a hard time really understanding how 3 works as my wing since I think 3 is probably very strong in me anyways. I know it creates a variant of my main mode, but I think in me, my wing is very prominent, do I could be having blind spot issues as to where it comes into play separate from 4 (and I have a lot of familiarity with 4; I've been reading up on mbti and enneagram, if only casually, for about 12 years now, though I know there's always new insight on these things. So am I sure I am what I've tested as nearly consistently for over a decade? Yes. Lol). Anyways I'm really interested in what you have to say about what I've attributed to 7 really being in 3s domain. I've done more reading on mbti than enneagram anyways.

    You also wrote this which I thought was interesting:

    "I'm 748 and I dont think you nail the 4 and the 7 descriptions. I'm not a 4 because I worry about other people, but because I have issues regarding my identity, me vs the world etc."

    I do understand that being within the 478 tritype makes people act similarly, but I also think that it doesn't always take into account how long it takes for individuals within that tritype to move through it. I mean, I may be more less patient, more or less skilled at using my main domain than another 4, or 7 or 8, and so I think that may make a difference in how magnified those other two domains are in that persons behavior or even motivation. I may stay in my 4 domain longer or shorter than you do in 7, and so that may influence what traits I exhibit of 7 than you do, just like I am sure you exhibit different 4 traits than I do.

    For instance, a 4 person and a 7 person may share the same behavior coming from different motivations. But if that doesn't work for each of them to act in default, than they probably won't duplicate that behavior when they move onto their second domain in the tritype just because its coming from a different motivation even though the second domain in that tritype also has that behavior as an option. Most likely a different behavior will exhibited by that second tritype domain. I'm wiling to believe you probably think this as well, if I explained myself well enough. But I'm not sure if that means I'm not explaining type 4 or 7 well, I'm just talking about different parts of 4 and different parts of 7. Which may be why we exhibit them differently from each other in the first place, my being a 4 first, and only secondly working as a 7, and limitedly.

    Sorry if I'm getting too wordy and repetitive!

    I've just recently started to read about mbti's cognitive functions and I dunno. I understand the concept and also know what my own are, and I believe they are happening, but I don't think the 4 letters we use (with their simpler descriptions) in place of them, are inadequate in explaining a persons mbti. N still means intuiting, whether that means Ni or Ne. For me, Ni, I still believe my intuitive ability is not as good as I'd like it to be, from the four letter standpoint and also the cognitive function standpoint. Same goes for my F or Fe. But perhaps that is just true for me. My cognitive functions, I find them to be aptly described without going into them directly from just my profile description. Now my judging (J), and my Se cognitive function paired with my Ti, yeah I probably should have included those in my initial post, but I think it's pretty self-explanatory by them being my tertiary and fourth functions why that didn't happen! haha ;D

    I suppose I was trying to break down my mbti by letter to keep it a bit organized and keep myself on track with how the profile connects to me personally and still keep it relatively simple. I mean, yes, the sum is a better description of the parts, but im not going to rewrite the enfj profile, and thise letters, theyre not just there for looks they do mean something, something significant even without cognitive functions, even if in only a very simplistic way. Not everyone understands or agrees with the cognitive functions and I wouldn't try to write in terms I'm only familiar with.

    But yes, I am extremely, painfully, most definitely aware that I am a 478. No other classification has been so accurate. It's the only explanation I can think of for why I'm not even a typical enfj. :/
    Likes bundleofsunshine liked this post

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    Hi flameskull95, thanks for your reply! You wrote about envy, and I can really relate. I try not to dwell on it because it does only make me sad about things in my past that are I changeable anyways, but yes, usually for me it's something to do about not having "that thing" that other women have, particularly homemakers, that it seems makes it so easy for them to all understand each other over homes and garden books. Then I'm reminded of how I was always the girl in the group not interested in what all the other girls wanted to do and feeling left out and unable to sway many other girls to spend their time with me in some imaginative spy game or something similar and it always coming back to that question of "what is wrong with me?"

    I suspect that is why I really posted all this. It can be a challenge with mental illness to know what is you and what is the disease, what is changeable and what is static. I suppose what I really want to know is "am I doing this because its some sort of compulsion or irrational fear or because of a chemical imbalance or are their other healthy people without the same illness that also feel this way and its just a case of being in the minority, and not something that is broken in my head?" I wasn't diagnosed with my issues until I was 22 and before then, even in childhood, I could see the beginnings of it all but never had words for it. Now that my life has calmed down some and I'm not in a state of crises anymore, it's looking to the future and trying to determine what is going to get worse and what. Is. Just. Me. KWIM?

    And as far as culture shock goes, I'd venture to say you've probably had it worse than I, as I know a lot of people have. Though I envy you because at least yours was in another country, I'd expect that. So here comes my pity party: I never knew only 1000 miles difference in the US could produce something similar. Okay, pity party over kids

  6. #6
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    I can relate to a lot of what you wroteeee, utmostrose~ i'm (currently identified as, at least) a 478 4w3 also.

    My experience of the 7 fix is, like, yuh, a "silliness"/"hyperness" that i can bring out in certain social situations (i think perhaps particularly when wanting to impress and/or bond more with people). And then yessss, the 8 seems to engage relatively rarely for me, too, & as a bluntness/staunch arguing of your point, and also, maybe, in certain areas where i feel like i know what i'm talking about, i don't have much patience for things i feel don't "measure up", and will often criticise them thoroughly. Often it feels like i have to be kinda "backed into a corner" before using it though, kinda? And i often feel bad/weird for doing so afterwards.

    My 4-ness is my "ego", in that it's the mindset/way of thinking/blah that feels like my "self", it's who i am within my own head/when i'm alone/etc. i'm ambivalent about my 4-ness, as it often seems like it's what's "responsible" for the things that are issues for me mental-health wise (namely recurrent depressive disorder, GAD (..snap! xD), social anxiety disorder). And there's a sense of "brokenness" - and that thought/fear of "is there something broken in my head?" omgYES- and a belief that the 4-ishness won't be attractive to others &thus a tendency to hide/"bury" it under masks/strategies of deflection/etc.

    My w3 manifests in an interest in and concern with image. i'm very into fashion and it's of the utmost importance to me to use my appearance to express myself. When i have a sense that people are seeing me as a different person to who i am because of how i look, i experience it as very painful and distressing. The w3-ness also emerges in a desire to be "cool"; not as the mainstream defines it, so much, if anything a revolt against that - but more like, "cool" by my own terms/the terms of the social scene/s i identify with. (..lol.)

    ..askdjdfk. i kinda wanna write moar but am kinda feeling triggered-y for some random reason, so will leave it for now XD Might be interesting to ponder the differences bw the stackings (...which my autocorrect keeps changing to "STOCKINGS". WTF NO XD), though, perhaps (i'm sx/so in contrast to your sp-first)

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by utmostrose View Post
    Hi flameskull95, thanks for your reply! You wrote about envy, and I can really relate. I try not to dwell on it because it does only make me sad about things in my past that are I changeable anyways, but yes, usually for me it's something to do about not having "that thing" that other women have, particularly homemakers, that it seems makes it so easy for them to all understand each other over homes and garden books. Then I'm reminded of how I was always the girl in the group not interested in what all the other girls wanted to do and feeling left out and unable to sway many other girls to spend their time with me in some imaginative spy game or something similar and it always coming back to that question of "what is wrong with me?"

    I suspect that is why I really posted all this. It can be a challenge with mental illness to know what is you and what is the disease, what is changeable and what is static. I suppose what I really want to know is "am I doing this because its some sort of compulsion or irrational fear or because of a chemical imbalance or are their other healthy people without the same illness that also feel this way and its just a case of being in the minority, and not something that is broken in my head?" I wasn't diagnosed with my issues until I was 22 and before then, even in childhood, I could see the beginnings of it all but never had words for it. Now that my life has calmed down some and I'm not in a state of crises anymore, it's looking to the future and trying to determine what is going to get worse and what. Is. Just. Me. KWIM?

    And as far as culture shock goes, I'd venture to say you've probably had it worse than I, as I know a lot of people have. Though I envy you because at least yours was in another country, I'd expect that. So here comes my pity party: I never knew only 1000 miles difference in the US could produce something similar. Okay, pity party over kids
    Well, I would say I have the same thing except in my own way, whether it's a mental imbalance or not. Other than that, I've never been diagnosed but maybe I should be... I guess I grew up in an environment that would view disorders like OCD, to be arbitrary, I guess.

    And I totally agree. I guess it's in the 4 types to go "there's something missing" and I could largely relate to this feeling... and I think that's mainly what the issue was with those other girls you had known, except in the sense that there was "something" that "they had that I didn't", that stunted communication. As an introvert, I can relate to this heavily, and I'm always thinking of how what I say will affect other people. It's inbuilt into who I am as an INFP I think.

    But now that I've seen you type as type 2 in that enneagram thing under your profile picture - maybe it's a different type of issue. Maybe, it's like you feel that you cannot reach out to others in regard to who you are, not necessarily the general feeling that there is something missing...

    Other than that, I appreciate enneagram types, I just know more about MBTI than enneagrams.. I'm kind of new to enneagrams.
    I'm a INFP - The sociopath

    I think I'm either a 4w5, 4w3, 6w5 or 9w1. Most possibly 4w5.

    Feeling FiNe

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    Hi darling devotee! Thanks for replying to my post! Wow, it was so strange reading your response because it is so close to how I am feeling most of the time... Guess I am not alone lol. Sorry bout that!

    From what you write about how your tritype exhibits, I would have to agree with everything you said except for maybe criticizing things thoroughly that don't stand up to how I know they should be. Most of the time I just have a mental sigh because while I probably do see all of the things wrong with whatever it is, it is what it is, and I'd sooner dismiss the defective trying to needle it's way into my life than waste my time giving it attention. Haha. Perhaps that's still a bit 8? You tell me lol. Anyways, your comment of feeling backed into a corner, YES, that is the feeling! A scary, crazy feeling, where I'm not in control anymore, lasting briefly, and usually leaving me very drained afterwards. Usually pretty terrifying to onlookers I'm told as well :p

    I find it interesting that we share some mental health issues in common, although I know it's probably not as uncommon these days anyways, but the types shared with the other traits... It makes me wonder what is shaping what, or if it is all a part of the complete package...

    I've had a lot of people tell me they feel that same brokenness I wrote about before, but something in the words you use make me feel as if its a very similar brokenness you understand. It's both sad and reassuring but also a bit of hope since I guess I'm not so "broken" that its in only a way no one else truly feels. This sort of thing becomes more doable then.

    You said this too:

    "a belief that the 4-ishness won't be attractive to others &thus a tendency to hide/"bury" it under masks/strategies of deflection/etc."

    And then:

    "When i have a sense that people are seeing me as a different person to who i am because of how i look, i experience it as very painful and distressing."

    Yes, yes! Often around others I get this feeling that I may be a fraud. What if I'm not who I seem to be, or who these people think I am? What if its a happy accident that I've achieved the things I have? So yes, I do pile on a few more layers onto my true self than I need to. Kind of like the woman who puts on a full face of makeup just for the natural look haha. I'm not comfortable with this habit, but it is so hard to stop. I don't always want to smile or laugh or even talk but I take the best of what I know I am and filter all that through and leave my other traits home. Which isn't always bad, I do think sometimes people don't do that enough, but then when I'm sad because I feel as I'm disconnected from the world and people around me, well, it's partly my own fault. I'm not so sure once I've talked to someone that they will always be so accepting of *all* of me, because I don't always get that green light from what I've already shown others. It's more like an amused slow green or a yellow because I don't think most people get me. Some do, but most people around me that I personally know are too grounded and well fitted for contemporary life to be much more than entertained or intrigued by me. That's not enough for me to take my "makeup" off lol.

    Unlike you, I don't think I've had much interest in seeming cool, even to myself. Perhaps it's because I think that's just not who I am. I am not a cool person. I'm disturbingly unaware of what most people like or want to do or what's mainstream or normal. Well I have ideas, but just when I think I've found something I like that may be that, most of the time it isn't. And when it *is*, usually I like it for some other reason, like enjoying something because it is so absurd, when jane sitting next to me may be liking it because to most people it's normal. I think the problem is that I see most normal life as absurd and ridiculous (plus I can get pretentious realllllly fast if you haven't picked that up haha!) in the first place. When ive tried to be what I've considered cool, it doesn't go well and I'm uncomfortable :/

    A lot of people seem to have sexual and social as their enneagram instinct variant, not too many self preserves around on the Internet at least. If anyone could explain to me either sexual or social to me, that'd be great.

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    Yes, I know it would be better to say that there was something that I had that perhaps the girls with me then did not, but I don't have much practice in really feeling like "it's not me it's them" so I suppose that's part of the barrier there. And I smiled when you said you saw my enneagram listed as two under my picture. I was afraid that was listed, and while I do think I have A LOT of 2 traits, it's still not who I really am, perhaps it's a case of modeling myself after who I think I would be better accepted as. I really don't know. Wouldn't it be nice if you could take a blood test and just be done with it all? Lol

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