Okay so I wanted to make a post in the hopes that I may possibly find someone else out there in the big World Wide Web that perhaps shares a similar perspective and experience as myself. I am a 4 wing 3 self preservation tritype 478 enfj female. I know it's not a common personality type for whatever reason because although I do find my personality to be at the very least acceptable to most people who meet and know me, I have so very little in common with most people I know. I am often told in one way or another that I am unusual, unexpected, but in a positive way, perhaps because for some reason I come across as pretty charismatic to others. I'm constantly being told I hold a lot I influence over others in my life, and since I've heard it enough, I try to act responsibly in light of this . But I want to see if there are any other forum lurkers or posters that also share these same traits (labeled or not). I also have a few anxiety issues and major life changes in the past decade that lead me to wonder what I can attribute my behavior and world-view to. This is gonna be long!
I'll expound a bit about myself. Like I said before, according to the enneagram, I am a true heart type, but the more fun and powerful type in my opinion. As a 4, my life revolves around relationships. Intimate, superficial, real, perceived, my own, others. It's nearly impossible for me not to view things without including how this impacts the relationships of people involved. If people are not involved in some way, I'm usually not interested in the issue. Haha. I don't think this is the same way someone would be into celebrity love gossip, or want to write love poetry all day (although I've been guilty of both haha) but more like seeing how everything, and everybody, in this world is connected, and how ultimately, results come down to who is involved and how they relate to each other, more or less.
Okay, so that's how I see my primary function of 4, but I think my 3 wing comes into play where I often am the person who in social situations will try to get everyone involved in an activity, not because I'm trying to force everyone to do the same thing, but because I see how group activities make a lot of people happy. You have sense of belonging, loss of self-consciousness, bonding, I think it's great, and I will usually go to great lengths to promote it, often being very silly, very "on,; usually by the end of the night I am exhausted and need a day or two to recharge but most people look at me like I love to party, and where I live currently, bring the party lol. I think my 3 wing also makes me a bit more ambitious and extroverted than other 4s, it helps me to draw people out as to what they value and bring them closer in their lives to those things they value. If i am able to help, and i dont disagree with what they want, i try to make it happen. I love making people smile and laugh, that is more genuine to me than the verbal words thank you, and while I appreciate and treasure verbal thanks, I am more likely to discount it than an uncontrollable smile or laugh. I am in school to be an RN and being in charge of people care under me is something I enjoy. I feel like I have relatively free reign to satisfy people and forge positive relationships and experiences in their lives even under stress. If I didn't do nursing, I'd probably want to work for make a wish foundation haha.
As far as my tritype, my second mode of behavior is at 7. I don't know everything about tritypes yet, but from what I understand, once my default behavior (4) fails to achieve the results I desire, the second kicks in, then the third. 7 is a body type, and focuses on seeking adventure, and I would say that often if I don't feel I can connect with someone on a deep enough level, I will abandon that and just try to enjoy the moment by having fun. I wouldn't call myself a traditional thrill seeker, necessarily, since I usually worry too much about what could go wrong in high risk situations, but I do like to try new things without risk to life and limb . I have a great love for novelty, whether its clothes, food, or entertainment, and usually when I'm feeling unfulfilled, that's where I turn to in efforts to cheer myself up.
When I finally turn to 8, it's usually in high stress situations where both my diplomacy and ability to distract myself fail to deliver me out of unpleasant situations. Then I become very firm in what I believe in, what I need from a situation or person, and I become very blunt in my communication. Very few people actually see me like this, but when they do, thy always take me seriously, and I usually get results. When I don't, the 8 starts to express itself negatively where I feel as if nothing is working so I lash out and become very argumentative, or in behalf of someone I am defending, extremely protective and ready to attack. This happens rarely, but it does happen, and it can be a bit scary if you are on the other end. I don like myself like this and try to avoid behaving in that way as much as I can. I usually have a surge of adrenaline and sometimes a feeling like I can't breathe until the threat feels removed.
I think my self-preserving instinct comes through in how I usually figure out how to get what I want, do what I want. I am very confident in my ability to survive, if not purely physically, socially by working people even, if I had to. Probably not the best trait to have, but there it is, I am a survivor :/
As an enfj, I am not an extreme extrovert, more like a close split between extrovert and introvert. This makes me more extroverted in social situations where I'm around introverts and where I'm having a good time, but more introverted around those more extroverted than I am and in situations where I may be bored or don't feel like I fit in. My intuitive trait causes me to feel a lot of hunches about people and situations without sometimes knowing why until maybe later. I'm not sure how developed my intuition actually is but that could be because I'm married to another idealist haha . Because I'm a feeler, usually I don't feel like I have much control over how I feel, but I do feel like I have control over what I do about it. As a child and even as an adult, I always hated it when I was told I did not or should not feel a certain way, or should calm down and gain control over myself (my parents are ex-military). Because I know how overwhelming my own emotions can be, I am usually very tolerant of how others feel, although I also expect others to make the right choices despite them. Sometimes because I feel so strongly, I get very protective of my self, and can seem very cold and distant. Sometimes because I know how I feel towards someone doesn't coincide with how I feel about what they want from me, I put up a wall, otherwise I would end up going against my own values and feeling massive amounts of regret. I think this may also be my self-preserving instinct with enneagram. Lastly, because of my strong judging function, I tend to make decisions and come to conclusions very quickly which can be both good and bad. It can be a blessing because I don't over think everything and when a decision needs to be made, I can make it. But on the flip side sometimes I don't consider all the facts and end up making a poor decision that has far-reaching effects.
I think as a female, this is an interesting combination because it can make me very assertive and aggressive and my husband is very low-key, so we make an interesting team.
Now what makes me wonder if this is all personality or not is because I have OCD, GAD, and bipolar 2 which have their own features. My OCD makes it really hard for me to get the things done that I want to do. I end up focusing on and obsessing on unimportant things that would bug me unless I take care of them to my satisfaction. My general anxiety disorder makes it hard for me to sometimes rationalize the unlikelihood of some of fears actually coming true, and I think inhibits me from being more adventurous. Something may look cool and really fun, but my fear of disaster makes me chicken out a lot of times, which I hate . My bipolar 2 disorder obviously can make controlling g my emotions a challenge, but it is fairly mild and only really messes with me by sometimes making me feel like doing nothing for weeks and walking around in my pajamas and withdrawing from people for too long. Projects I have every intention of finishing or hobbies I enjoy suddenly get dropped and I cannot bring myself to re-engage (hence my email inbox of 7,000 emails lol). This makes me seem flighty and I don't like it. When I'm in an upswing and feeling slightly manic, that's when I often take up new interests and hobbies and spend lots of money (hello 7!!!).
I wasn't fully aware of the true solid existence of these problems as a trying more than habits and quirks until I married in 2005 to a wonderful, patient infj. I also moved from a city in the northeast less than an hour from New York City to a small town in Kentucky which was a culture shock. Combined with being an only child and leaving home for the first time at 21, I have had an interesting 7 years.
So, tell me about yourself. Do we share any of the same traits and experiences in common that could give me any insight as to what's what. I know in the end, everyone is a sum of parts like these, but just like with just mbti and just enneagram, it's comforting to know you are still unique while not being completely alone. Talk to me!