User Tag List

First 12

Results 11 to 19 of 19

  1. #11
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    13,877

    Default

    I don't know the guy.

    My mother has a friend that has been given every opportunity in the world and so much more to try and pick herself out of her scummy situation and she just falls every time. The nature of the world now-a-days just lets failures float through a limbo of misery, there's no survival of the fittest in an advanced society. Some people just do not, and refuse to, 'get it' and even though you want to feel bad for them, you just can't, and you push them away from you because you know for sure they'll try to drag as many people down as possible with them. Her own son is coming to our house to spend the holidays because he doesn't want to have an argument with her on Christmas about why he cannot loan her any more money. It's a sad thing. Fortunately, she's friends with my mother, so she can vent, my mother can tell her what she ought to be doing and let her vent, and she'll ignore it and continue the process--and thus her son is welcome into our home so he has somewhere to go for Christmas.
    I wish I could say I pitied her, but I just don't. Maybe I'm cold hearted in that.. but I just cannnot.

    On the other hand, one of my very good friends grew up never knowing many opportunities and while he would have benefited greatly by just having a supporting and loving figure that set clear boundaries for him in life, he eventually swam upstream and broke himself out of the obstacles he had to keep vaulting over and created a good life for himself. While I had considered him, admittedly, a bit of a leech, I knew he was a good person. I did create a distance to protect myself, but I supported him and remained friends with him still and I didn't begrudge him.. and I was really happy to see him pull himself up to a place of comfort and I can definitely see happiness on his face that I didn't know when I met him.

    Distancing yourself is probably a safe and smart move.. but however he turns out to be (either in a stage in life before he gets the help and break he needs, or a leech of a person that will never recover due to not really wanting to) you need to make sure you are protected. It does no good to be a 'friend' to someone but then do nothing but insult him and see the negative. That's not very friend-like behavior.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  2. #12
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    There is also the possibility that you really don't know what's going on... I know a few people that seemed like they had everything going for them but in the end, they committed suicide.

    EDIT:
    But then again, people always have something to complain about, huh? There are some people that have it "better" than me but there are many people that have worse than me but the majority of the complainers I have encountered have it "better" than me. It's kind of funny how that works.

  3. #13
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,586

    Default

    I also don't know anything about your friend, but will just share a thought from experience. This is just my impression, but people who have temporal needs met, and even have excess, but who have been deprived emotionally in some manner can have the most difficult time coping with life and can seem unusually self-centered. They have been shaped to have high expectations about life combined with feeling deprived in the most intangible ways. It can be difficult to tell if this has happened to someone because if, for example, their mother is really cold and manipulative towards them, she could also be capable of communicating great warmth to friends and acquaintances.

    The people I have known who have this combination of entitlement and deprivation are so messed up psychologically, that it is rather difficult to see how to fix it. They definitely need professional help, possibly medication, be encouraged to solve their own issues, and be given consistent kindness from friends with clear boundaries.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  4. #14
    Senior Member flameskull95's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    XXXX
    Posts
    320

    Default

    I wouldn't punch him in the face that's for sure. I guess it's up to you to counteract his pessimistic attitudes toward life. That's your job as a friend, but you shouldn't try to change who he is because he isn't like everyone else.

    It is no measure of health to be adjusted to such a profoundly sick society (Krishnamurthi).
    He's probs just a mellow person, and it's actually quite good that he's expressing himself, instead of closing up those feelings. Self-expression is necessary for his mental health.

    Just don't be a total douche and push him over the edge, which can happen if you keep that attitude that there is something wrong with him. It's pretty much mbti theory to say that we are all equals.
    I'm a INFP - The sociopath

    I think I'm either a 4w5, 4w3, 6w5 or 9w1. Most possibly 4w5.

    Feeling FiNe

  5. #15
    Senior Member flameskull95's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    XXXX
    Posts
    320

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    There is also the possibility that you really don't know what's going on... I know a few people that seemed like they had everything going for them but in the end, they committed suicide.

    EDIT:
    But then again, people always have something to complain about, huh? There are some people that have it "better" than me but there are many people that have worse than me but the majority of the complainers I have encountered have it "better" than me. It's kind of funny how that works.
    Agreed. Suicide is more of a sudden unexpected thing, than something that someone slowly progresses toward. And all of a sudden, a person would show "symptoms" of or something like that, that we would expect.

    And the op can't really understand another person's viewpoint unless he or she became that person. It would also largely help knowing what the friend's mbti type is.... Just saying...
    I'm a INFP - The sociopath

    I think I'm either a 4w5, 4w3, 6w5 or 9w1. Most possibly 4w5.

    Feeling FiNe

  6. #16
    Senior Member flameskull95's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    XXXX
    Posts
    320

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Little_Sticks View Post

    Oh Yeah that's it, let the dark side flow through you. Punch him in the face. Let him know how he's a selfish whiny pussy. Spit in his eyes and then kick in him in the balls.

    WAR WAR WAR, EVERYWHERE.
    I would hate myself too.
    I'm a INFP - The sociopath

    I think I'm either a 4w5, 4w3, 6w5 or 9w1. Most possibly 4w5.

    Feeling FiNe

  7. #17
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    Hide his facebook posts and then check in on him every once in awhile if you still want him in your life but limit him a bit. He will most likely get over this phase...he's probably stressed out and depressed and leaking over to other parts of his life.

  8. #18
    Banned
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    MBTI
    infp
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    4

    Default

    Offer support without the blame.. encourage them to seek help. Plenty of info online about suicide prevention

  9. #19
    Member 31january's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    MBTI
    enfp
    Posts
    38

    Default

    i don't know his situation but i do know that when i feel down, often i honestly can't figure out where the problem lies, and it can frustrate even myself to no end. I haven't been depressed to the extent that i wish to harm myself, but i feel that the fact that there isn't anything clearly wrong with your friend's life doesnt make his feelings any less credible, it could even make them worse because there is no clear solution. However, that being said, i think many times the best help one can give to a depressed person isn't pity, but maybe acknowledging their feelngs and offering guidance/support as suggested or maybe a push to get them to start living again if that's a problem. Dealing with depressed people takes a lot of energy though, so i can imagine why you feel that you haven't been able to be as close to him as before.

Similar Threads

  1. My friend's scary inability to commit to anything
    By SilkRoad in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 08-09-2010, 05:54 AM
  2. My friend has asked me to type her ex
    By welshlass in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 01-14-2009, 11:02 PM
  3. [MBTItm] In the middle, my friend wants to know about S and N
    By lkpo14 in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 10-24-2008, 03:41 PM
  4. Trying to figure out my friend.
    By Ypsilon in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 01-20-2008, 10:43 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO