[Ne] my friend keeps threatening to harm himself

[jcloudz]

when i look at his life, i can`t see reason for him to do it. on facebook, he writes everyday how difficult it is for him.
there are so many people who are taken before their time, their future is taken away from them and its not their fault,
people like guys in this video, who are only 17, with only a few months to live. instead of out there doing things like others his age
he is writing a goodbye song to his loved ones.

seeing this, it makes me care less about my friend. i feel an urge to punch him in the face, i know this does not make sense. i thought i would vent here and let it out. i cant think properly. he has always been a selfish person, its only recently he started saying stuff like this. he is getting help but he still bitches.

im considering the most constructive way of handling this, i will sleep on it. im open to suggestions

 

[Tyrinth]

Be careful about being too harsh to people like that. In my experience, thoughts like that are very rarely based off of any real issue in someones life, they're generally more of a psychological thing without any real cause, so you really shouldn't get irritated just because you can't see any reason for him to be saying such things. Maybe he just wants attention?

I really can't offer any advice to you, though. I'm sure someone else on the forum is better suited to doing that than I am.

 

[Standuble]

You're looking at it from the wrong perspective. You friend isn't being selfish and you should not punish him for what he is doing. All he is doing is trying to reach a hightened state or slightly euphoric state via the endorphin release caused as a result of injuring himself. He perhaps harms himself not because he wants to be dead but because he wants to feel alive. Even if he did want to kill himself then again that is not selfish.He is merely making a life decision, one which you could not or would not agree with.

 

[INTP]

In my experience, thoughts like that are very rarely based off of any real issue in someones life, they're generally more of a psychological thing without any real cause

every psychological thing has a real cause, just most the time with more severe cases the real cause is really complex, is buried deep in the unconscious and might not have seemingly anything to do with the symptoms(the psychological thing), for the person himself(due to being deep in unconscious) or to others(due to complexity of the issue and all the shit thats been built on top of the real issue to protect the persons ego from the issue in attempt to make the actual issue go away from consciousness).

 

[Il Morto Che Parla]

every psychological thing has a real cause, just most the time with more severe cases the real cause is really complex, is buried deep in the unconscious and might not have seemingly anything to do with the symptoms(the psychological thing), for the person himself(due to being deep in unconscious) or to others(due to complexity of the issue and all the shit thats been built on top of the real issue to protect the persons ego from the issue in attempt to make the actual issue go away from consciousness).

/Freud

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

tearjerker.


Everyone has a viable reason for feeling suicidal. Just be there and be as present as you possibly can.

 

[INTP]

/Freud

also the current paradigm, except with few changes on the terminology depending on the field of psychology

 

[Little_Sticks]

seeing this, it makes me care less about my friend. i feel an urge to punch him in the face, i know this does not make sense. i thought i would vent here and let it out. i cant think properly. he has always been a selfish person, its only recently he started saying stuff like this. he is getting help but he still bitches.

Oh Yeah that's it, let the dark side flow through you. Punch him in the face. Let him know how he's a selfish whiny pussy. Spit in his eyes and then kick in him in the balls.

WAR WAR WAR, EVERYWHERE.

 

[jcloudz]

internal dialogue running inside the peanut that sits between my ears that is encased in my thick skull



i dont have the emotional investment in him as i would toward my other friends and because of this, i cant be the supportive thing he needs in his life.

you cant just be only about yourself, burning your bridges and turn depressed and expect people to suddenly feel empathy for you because you are a person, and treat you fragile. im not young or one of those rare people who muster feelings to heal others like mother Theresa. i have no saintliness in me. i dont even have enough in me to wish him well because i simply dont care. i can wake up tomarrow and still find joy in the beautiful sun and i will see clearly the beautiful stars shining bright into the night.

i already begun the separation process. im going to be selfish. yes i feel empathy, i feel it for old couples, those who are fragile, people who were not given a fair shake, people i kjnow in depth, strangers as well, its odd but not this person.


its silly to punch someone who is depressed, block headish. im a bit of one, i suppose....

 

[INTP]

i dont have the emotional investment in him as i would toward my other friends and because of this

Fi much?

 

[kyuuei]

I don't know the guy.

My mother has a friend that has been given every opportunity in the world and so much more to try and pick herself out of her scummy situation and she just falls every time. The nature of the world now-a-days just lets failures float through a limbo of misery, there's no survival of the fittest in an advanced society. Some people just do not, and refuse to, 'get it' and even though you want to feel bad for them, you just can't, and you push them away from you because you know for sure they'll try to drag as many people down as possible with them. Her own son is coming to our house to spend the holidays because he doesn't want to have an argument with her on Christmas about why he cannot loan her any more money. It's a sad thing. Fortunately, she's friends with my mother, so she can vent, my mother can tell her what she ought to be doing and let her vent, and she'll ignore it and continue the process--and thus her son is welcome into our home so he has somewhere to go for Christmas.
I wish I could say I pitied her, but I just don't. Maybe I'm cold hearted in that.. but I just cannnot.

On the other hand, one of my very good friends grew up never knowing many opportunities and while he would have benefited greatly by just having a supporting and loving figure that set clear boundaries for him in life, he eventually swam upstream and broke himself out of the obstacles he had to keep vaulting over and created a good life for himself. While I had considered him, admittedly, a bit of a leech, I knew he was a good person. I did create a distance to protect myself, but I supported him and remained friends with him still and I didn't begrudge him.. and I was really happy to see him pull himself up to a place of comfort and I can definitely see happiness on his face that I didn't know when I met him.

Distancing yourself is probably a safe and smart move.. but however he turns out to be (either in a stage in life before he gets the help and break he needs, or a leech of a person that will never recover due to not really wanting to) you need to make sure you are protected. It does no good to be a 'friend' to someone but then do nothing but insult him and see the negative. That's not very friend-like behavior.

 

[Glycerine]

There is also the possibility that you really don't know what's going on... I know a few people that seemed like they had everything going for them but in the end, they committed suicide.

EDIT:
But then again, people always have something to complain about, huh? There are some people that have it "better" than me but there are many people that have worse than me but the majority of the complainers I have encountered have it "better" than me. It's kind of funny how that works.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I also don't know anything about your friend, but will just share a thought from experience. This is just my impression, but people who have temporal needs met, and even have excess, but who have been deprived emotionally in some manner can have the most difficult time coping with life and can seem unusually self-centered. They have been shaped to have high expectations about life combined with feeling deprived in the most intangible ways. It can be difficult to tell if this has happened to someone because if, for example, their mother is really cold and manipulative towards them, she could also be capable of communicating great warmth to friends and acquaintances.

The people I have known who have this combination of entitlement and deprivation are so messed up psychologically, that it is rather difficult to see how to fix it. They definitely need professional help, possibly medication, be encouraged to solve their own issues, and be given consistent kindness from friends with clear boundaries.

 

[flameskull95]

I wouldn't punch him in the face that's for sure. I guess it's up to you to counteract his pessimistic attitudes toward life. That's your job as a friend, but you shouldn't try to change who he is because he isn't like everyone else.

It is no measure of health to be adjusted to such a profoundly sick society (Krishnamurthi).
He's probs just a mellow person, and it's actually quite good that he's expressing himself, instead of closing up those feelings. Self-expression is necessary for his mental health.

Just don't be a total douche and push him over the edge, which can happen if you keep that attitude that there is something wrong with him. It's pretty much mbti theory to say that we are all equals.

 

[flameskull95]

There is also the possibility that you really don't know what's going on... I know a few people that seemed like they had everything going for them but in the end, they committed suicide.

EDIT:
But then again, people always have something to complain about, huh? There are some people that have it "better" than me but there are many people that have worse than me but the majority of the complainers I have encountered have it "better" than me. It's kind of funny how that works.

Agreed. Suicide is more of a sudden unexpected thing, than something that someone slowly progresses toward. And all of a sudden, a person would show "symptoms" of or something like that, that we would expect.

And the op can't really understand another person's viewpoint unless he or she became that person. It would also largely help knowing what the friend's mbti type is.... Just saying...

 

[flameskull95]

Oh Yeah that's it, let the dark side flow through you. Punch him in the face. Let him know how he's a selfish whiny pussy. Spit in his eyes and then kick in him in the balls.

WAR WAR WAR, EVERYWHERE.

I would hate myself too.

 

[Glycerine]

Hide his facebook posts and then check in on him every once in awhile if you still want him in your life but limit him a bit. He will most likely get over this phase...he's probably stressed out and depressed and leaking over to other parts of his life.

 

[Recondite]

Offer support without the blame.. encourage them to seek help. Plenty of info online about suicide prevention

 

[31january]

i don't know his situation but i do know that when i feel down, often i honestly can't figure out where the problem lies, and it can frustrate even myself to no end. I haven't been depressed to the extent that i wish to harm myself, but i feel that the fact that there isn't anything clearly wrong with your friend's life doesnt make his feelings any less credible, it could even make them worse because there is no clear solution. However, that being said, i think many times the best help one can give to a depressed person isn't pity, but maybe acknowledging their feelngs and offering guidance/support as suggested or maybe a push to get them to start living again if that's a problem. Dealing with depressed people takes a lot of energy though, so i can imagine why you feel that you haven't been able to be as close to him as before.