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  1. #11
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kotachi View Post
    Thanks for the advice all. I have since started antidepressants and have recovered from my terrible time with clinical depression. Unfortunately though, even after telling him that i was doing better and not contacting him for a while he texts me from time to time. He even asked me to see a movie with and lent me some books?

    It is hurting my heart because when I break up with someone i just cut them off. I am never friends after the fact. I wouldnt keep them around if i didn't still think there might be a future. Yet he keeps hanging out with me and talking to me.. what is going on? He even gave me a rather flirtacious hug where he picked me up and spun me around. I keep wondering if i can show him ive changed what i assume were the reasons for the breakup if it might make a difference? But he clearly told me to move on?

    Now that things have calmed down would it be a bad idea to ask him to reconsider? Or should I just stop hoping and stop responding when he contacts.

    I can tell he is feeling depressed and we are both isolated here in job limbo.
    You should never have to ask another person to love you.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  2. #12
    Junior Member kotachi's Avatar
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    So its hopeless?

  3. #13
    Junior Member kotachi's Avatar
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    The idea of being friends if theres no hope of reconciliation is not something i want to deal with. If he is really done and wants me to move on, why the hell does he keep contacting me? I either want him in my life as somebody im dating or not all, the middle is mental torture. But if he is starting to warm up again i dont want to freak him and push him away by asking upfront and pressuring him as i had done before.

  4. #14
    Junior Member kotachi's Avatar
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    But if theres no hope i am going to have to stop responding

  5. #15
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kotachi View Post
    So its hopeless?
    If he wants to be friends, & you still wish for more, and those feelings aren't dealt with- there's no reason to put yourself through more pain just for one person to keep ties to something that's not even there, in a manner of speaking. Either way it'd be one-sided. He'd want your friendship & you'd not be in the emotional place to give it, and you'd want his love, when he's not going to reciprocate that. An imbalance like that is sustainable only for so long. Perhaps sometime down the road, a friendship might be viable. But trying to hold a torch for/cling to hope that someone will simply decide they want you again.. seems like a terrible way to live, moment to moment. Don't put yourself through that, if you can help it. It's far more damaging in the longterm. And you may miss out on good things in life, along the way. We're only here for so long.

    Quote Originally Posted by kotachi View Post
    But if theres no hope i am going to have to stop responding
    Taking a break from contact is not unreasonable, given your situation, but of course that's going to be painful
    Just try to keep in mind, taking care of YOU should be paramount.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  6. #16
    Senior Member _eric_'s Avatar
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    Agreed on all accounts Lexicon.

    I think you should be up front about this and tell him not to contact you or anything, period, and if he tries, you gotta refuse and keep to your boundaries. Leaving any questions of 'what if' in your mind will only keep the hurt lingering inside you, and you don't deserve that at all. You need closure so you can really move on.

  7. #17
    A_priori
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    First off you don't need to change anything about yourself. Who you are is special and unique. I am getting the sense that he may want you to be there for him when it is convienent for him but doesn't share the same intimate intrests. You might want to re evaluate what your needs are right now and seriously consider weather or not you guys can have a platonic relationship. You have to remember that finding the right person is tough if not almost impossible. Don't be discouraged and have some compassion for yourself. I'm guessing that you are either in your late teens or maybe early twenties and if this is the case know that you have lots of time to find Mr right. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you can find happiness elsewhere because I have been in a similar situation when I was younger and not that I look back I can see that it was completely toxic.

    Your friend

  8. #18
    Junior Member kotachi's Avatar
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    I take back what I said earlier.. had a massive panic attack this morning beating myself up again for the demise of the relationship and then over my fear of being alone, fear that the chronic anxiety ive experienced over the years has prematurely aged me, fear...i talked to him yesterday and it seems that every time i talk to him transforms into a panic attack.

  9. #19
    Junior Member kotachi's Avatar
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    It is scary to give up my only friend here and face the post graduate world feeling very alone and lost. But this is running me into the ground. The amount of guilt and grief i feel is so extreme and i already have so much stress. Trying to pretend like everything is okay around him, even. It has to stop and thank you all so much for the advice.

  10. #20
    Junior Member kotachi's Avatar
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    every friday he texts me if he hasn't heard from me, with something like "yay, it's friday!" i ignored him this time. it took a lot of self control on my part and i am proud of myself. i am going to continue to ignore him until he stops texting and i stop thinking about him and focus as much as i can on getting myself out of this situation.

    id be upfront and tell him but really any contact with him so negatively affects my mental state i can't handle it. because i beat myself up over how badly i treated him, how immaturely i acted, ruining my chance with "the one", and all the mistakes i've made...not just with him but in college/my luife in general...it just leads to a can of worms i can't afford to revisit again now that i am on the mend.

    it's sort of like.. he is just fine, likely has no feelings for me whatsoever other than probably vague boredom-induced friendship. whereas any communication with him threatens to throw me back into a depressive beating-self-up cycle for days. so for my own good i am just going completely silent unless he seems seriously concerned.


    trying to wipe my brain clean

    so i will just not respond unless he asks directly, and i will just reassure him that i am doing well and hope he is too. i also unblocked him from facebook so that he will be able to see my posts on mutual friends' statuses and know i am okay and havent fallen into a bad place again.

    thinking about death and wasted years lately. feels like life is ticking away and that ive ruined my chances for a happy life, a good career i like and to find the one, an actual family, now that i am 23. but i have an internship that starts tomorrow, and it has a small potential to turn into fulltime work, which would allow me to move out of my parents' house and the extreme isolation other than with my previously very abusive family who make me feel like shit about myself and constant racing inescapable thoughts that ive fucked up my life in every single way which has been my existence since september.

    please hope for me because every day i feel nervous about the future and regret about my past. i am hoping for myself! and removing this regretful part of my past will help a lot... so many mistakes made but trying to treat this as a rebirth

    the extreme regret i felt over my life thus far is what drove me to the point of almost ending it so i am trying to let go of those regrets and treat my life now as a rebirth. and focusing now as hard as I possibly can on moving out of the house, with a reasonable job, out of this place, and into LIFE. that is the ONLY thing I am focusing on right now, because I can't waste any more of my life in regret and ennui than I have for the past 6 months.

    so many goals not accomplished over the past 5 years due to depression, my own faults and effects of abuse clouding my way... time to regain my life and hopefully finally be happy and feel like i have a life worth living and talking about

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