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  1. #1
    Senior Member iNtrovert's Avatar
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    Default NF's What makes you loose empathy?

    As an NF I find it easy to empathize with others but In certain situations I can become unsympathetic or emotionally closed off. Personally I've noticed I do this in the following situations:

    1. When I'm not being listened to.
    2. when I feel like I'm being taken advantage of.
    3. When the person is not considering the feelings of other people around them.
    4. When I feel that person has been given every possible resource to succeed and chose not to take advantage of them.
    5. When that person is being ignorant.
    6.When I lose respect for someone.
    7.When I have been personally wronged.
    8.When that person has wronged someone close to me.

    In these situations I can become very judgmental,hold grudges, lose empathy and otherwise shutdown to that individual. I'm trying not to do that because people can change but in my defense it takes a lot for me to get to that point. It's normally a combination of all these things that I let build up and then one day it all comes boiling up to the surface the end result is usually an emotional wedge between me and that person. Then every time I try to feel sorry for them it's like there's an emotional road block there. It's like there's this brick wall between me and the people I have relationships with. The more connections I form with them over time the more bricks I remove from my wall. The converse is also true the more they do on my mental/emotional checklist the more bricks I add until I'm emotionally shut off. I guess I'd describe my individual relationships with people as a series of walls or a maze, some with more dead ends than others. This loss of empathy would occur in the sense that the whole maze is a dead end with no entry or exit and I'm completely closed off to them.


    I was wondering if other NF's get like this. If so in what situations?

  2. #2
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I relate to almost everything you posted. It's only happened to me in a small number of situations, but it is pretty serious when it does. I completely relate to "every time I try to feel sorry for them there is an emotional roadblock." It does have to be a fairly extreme situation though such as being taken advantage of for a long time or somehow feeling very threatened or betrayed.

    I have found that a few times I've broken with someone but with a thought that perhaps somewhere down the line we could reconnect. However, once I've gained more distance from them I tend to harden into a realization that I want little or nothing to do with them. Gradually I realise I don't like or respect them any more...something like that.

    Again, this seldom happens to me, but it has happened. (And yeah, I tend to hold grudges - I know that protecting yourself from harmful people can be essential at times, but I do feel the grudges tend to harm me.)
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  3. #3
    Senior Member iNtrovert's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Again, this seldom happens to me, but it has happened. (And yeah, I tend to hold grudges - I know that protecting yourself from harmful people can be essential at times, but I do feel the grudges tend to harm me.)
    I agree. I'd also say that when I hold grudges against someone and it seems to affect me more than that other person and it kills me. In sense for me it adds insult to injury because not only did you offend me but you don't even care. I get like this when I feel the relationship is salvageable but when it's prolonged I do exactly what you described. I start to realize that I have no respect for them anymore. I think this has something to do with the feeling of being taken for granted and a need to form a valuable relationship. When the other person shows you that to them you have no value it's hard to find value in that relationship.

  4. #4
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I think it's more an INFJ or ENFJ thing than just an NF thing, by the way. I mean, not in every case but overall. My experiences with xNFPs IRL suggest that in general they may take offense more easily but are also more inclined to forgive sooner or later. I don't take offense easily, but when it really happens, it's really serious and quite possibly irreversible.

    But I'm not sure - that may have been the xNFPs I've known, the ones here would have to comment for themselves, of course!
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  5. #5
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    It's kind of like doorslamming for me. I don't so much lose empathy as much as I simply refuse to continue watching. If I see it I will almost certainly feel empathy regardless of all the reasons why I should not attempt to assist and it will torment me. So I close the door so I don't have to see it anymore. Me feeling bad at that point isn't helping the other person and it isn't doing me any good either.
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  6. #6
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iNtrovert View Post
    3. When the person is not considering the feelings of other people around them.
    4. When I feel that person has been given every possible resource to succeed and chose not to take advantage of them.
    5. When that person is being ignorant.
    8.When that person has wronged someone close to me.
    I agree with these! Here's my own list (excluding the ones you already listed):

    1. When the person has an inflated ego.
    2. When the person cannot see another's point of view (kind of goes with ignorance).
    3. When the person throws himself/herself a "pity party".
    4. When the person just outright rejects what I have to say/what others have to say.
    5. When the person forces their opinions and beliefs onto others.
    6. When the person refuses to accept changes to a plan/idea.
    7. When the person enters a relationship and claims that the two of them are in love two days later...

    I lose empathy for these people. Not all the time, though. It depends on the degree that they violated my list of pet peeves.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    My experiences with xNFPs IRL suggest that in general they may take offense more easily but are also more inclined to forgive sooner or later.
    This is accurate for me. O: I get emotionally insulted often but then I shrug it off later most of the time!
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  7. #7
    Senior Member iNtrovert's Avatar
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    Judging from responses I'd say this might just be an infj thing lol....I feel like door slamming is my 1st step in losing empathy. As time goes on I become emotionally closed off but while in door slamming mode I defiantly will allow myself to care. Almost like if the issue is not resolved in the door slamming phase and gets escalated I loose emotional attachment. It doesn't happen often but when it does it's hard for me to get past it and repair that relationship. It's really interesting to hear it put that way though. That really reignites with me. "Door Slamming" yep I do that lol I guess the main difference Is the degree to which other NF's allow it to affect them. Maybe InfJ's are more unforgiving in the long run.

  8. #8
    Anew Leaf
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    *prays to the NF gods that this thread doesn't descend into the depths of the Mariana Trench and reemerge as the mighty Kraken of Doorslamming*

    In regards to the list in the OP, I sort of think that these are things anyone would lose their empathy over. Maybe for certain types it is more tied to the lengths to which they will go to keep their empathy.

  9. #9
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    *prays to the NF gods that this thread doesn't descend into the depths of the Mariana Trench and reemerge as the mighty Kraken of Doorslamming*
    It probably will, but so far it's not too bad.
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  10. #10
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    It probably will, but so far it's not too bad.
    *sighs*

    If it does, I'm changing my type to ESTJ and amish shunning all emoshuns.

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